Five Things About Revenge: “Union”
1. I honestly do not know what delighted me more: flashbacks to puppy Sammy, or Nolan’s AMAZING wedding suit. No, wait. Sammy’s awesome and all, but it was the suit. THE SUIT. Dear God, the suit:
MY GRANDMOTHER’S CURTAINS CALLED.
THEY WANT THEIR PATTERN BACK.
2. Poor Ems. First she has to watch her very first fake fiancé marry another Amanda Clarke and then she has to suffer the indignity of being dumped by her second, more door-knobby fake fiancé. Rough day!
Also, I want to care about Aiden’s manpain, but… I just don’t. Sorry, show. But I did like Emily getting a chance to articulate that she’s not actually a robot. That’s good, Ems. Now go give your real soul mate some overdue attention.
3. Speaking of which, what is up with season two’s insistence on separating Nolan and Emily as much as possible? Don’t the writers realize I watch this show with very specific, snarky needs? NEEDS, PEOPLE.
And seriously, Padma’s nice (I guess? I liked it better when she was briefly evil) but boring. And I see zero chemistry between her and Nolan. If someone other than Emily has to hold his attention (WHY?) then let it be Marcus. There are some actual sparks there at least, you know?
R.I.P. MADAM INITIATIVE. WE HARDLY KNEW YE.
4. Oh, Madam Initiative. I’m so torn! You were kind of wonderful, but watching Victoria shoot you like a BAMF was pretty damn satisfying. (Although I’m a little disappointed in Victoria for not suspecting her house was bugged. Poor form, V.) And no one’s died on this show for a while, so it’s nice to see the stakes raised a little.
5. Dear Emily: please have Nolan teach you about password security. That was pathetic. Dear Fauxmanda: please let Emily do your scheming for you. You’re terrible at chess. (But hey, at least we know we won’t have to wait until the end of the season to get to the boat explosion. )