1. OH NO, WILL EMILY DIE? …no.
But her brush with smoke inhalation did have the side-benefit of kicking Nolan’s adorable over-protectiveness into high gear. Which is fortunate, because Daddy Dearest decided to just kill this woman he’s never even met, based solely on the word of a woman who was partially responsible for sending him to prison.
Solid life choices, David. A+ for still being the biggest patsy around, 20 years running. (Margaux allowing herself to be blatantly manipulated by Victoria is a close runner up. Are we actually supposed to believe she’s a savvy business woman?) Read more…
Previously on Vampire Diaries: Damon made Bonnie pancakes. It was adorable.
Let’s do the good stuff first: turns out Damon and Bonnie are not only in 1994, but also trapped in a weird, people-less Groundhog Day time loop. It’s two great tropes that taste great together! And they’ve been bickering and cooking each other food for months while they try to find a way out. All of this remains extremely good for me.
The bad news is they don’t get to watch tv — at least, that’s what I assume, judging by the amount of time Bonnie is spending on the same crossword puzzle. The good news is CDs still work, and now we all know what Ian Somerhalder looks like while getting his groove on to Salt-N-Pepa. Read more…
Probably every soap fan has that one couple they love beyond all logic or reason. It doesn’t matter how many years have passed or how much the characters have changed. They’re in your heart until you die.
(Embarrassing true facts: even on my deathbed I will probably be able to give an impromptu soliloquy about Sonny and Brenda and the alley kiss. THEY HAD A BEAUTIFUL LOVE. LET ME EXPLAIN WHY.)
So I guess it’s not shocking that even a new face isn’t enough to kill my love for these two. I’m just such a sucker for amnesiac Jason, people. (Third time’s the charm?) This time around, he’s less angry rebel and more sad puppy with tragic eyes, and I think I speak for both myself and Elizabeth when I say: we can live with that.
1. I’m sorry to report that the Nolan Hair Situation continues unabated. WHEN WILL OUR LONG NATIONAL NIGHTMARE END? Not soon enough, my friends. Not nearly soon enough.
He did make up for it — slightly — by wearing this outfit while planting whale shaped bugs all over the place. If he wears a different, amazingly patterned bright blue suit in every episode this season, I might forgive the hair. (That is a lie. NO FORGIVENESS.) Read more…
Previously on Vampire Diaries: Everyone died and came back to life! Except Bonnie and Damon. They’re totally dead. I’m sure we’ll never see them again.
Season six, people! I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. We’re doing shorter recaps this year, because frankly, the longer ones were exhausting and this show is just not doing it for me anymore.
We check in with our heroes four months after all the Other Side shenanigans, and they’re still working through their various Bonnie and Damon feels. Except Elena! She’s just fine and dandy because she’s pulling a full on Bella Swan, and now spends her days doing drugs, hallucinating Damon, and eating people.
(Remember when Elena was actually likeable and had a moral backbone and did things other than mope about Damon? Those were good times.) Read more…
1. REVEEEEEEENGE! I hope you all are ready for a cracktastic season, because I’m pretty sure that’s what we’re getting. So let’s get right into it: It’s been six long months in the land of Revenge, which means everyone’s had plenty of time to make bad life choices. Specifically, bad fashion choices.
NOT THIS SUIT. THIS SUIT IS AMAZING.
No, I mean, the hair. WHAT IS HAPPENING WITH NOLAN’S TRAGIC HAIR? (Also: David Clarke’s tragic beard, Jack’s tragic lack of beard, Margaux’s tragic… everything? There was a lot of tragedy happening in this episode, folks.) Read more…
It’s been a rough couple of days in Port Charles. Franco was on screen for large portions of time, not telling Michael that Sonny murdered AJ, i.e. the one and only thing that could possible make him relevant.
Jordan was on screen, waving a gun around and not using it to shoot Shawn, even though she practically had an engraved invitation to do so.
GIRL, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???
Shawn — whose job description is literally MAFIA HITMAN — was on screen, not getting hit with lightning while complaining that Ava is a “cold-blooded killer” and “a piece of work” because she didn’t agree to be kidnapped like a nice girl. I’m actually not sure which was more funny/enraging — the above dialog, or Sonny berating him afterward for failing to shoot the woman he’s sleeping with so he could deliver the woman carrying Sonny’s child/grandchild for execution.
(Trick question: both things made me want to rage cry until I blacked out from how much I hate both these characters.) Read more…