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The enemy of my enemy, and all that.

June 25, 2014

Guys, I’m sorry about the lack of posts lately. Watching the show continues to be a struggle for me, mostly because I kind of hate everyone? (Well, everyone except Nate’s abs. LOOK, I’M NOT A MONSTER.)

But if there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to make me like a character who’s either annoying or in possession of extremely stupid hair (or in Morgan’s case, BOTH) it’s that character bagging on someone I hate even more:

Morgan hates Franco

MORGAN: I don’t get that relationship. I never will.
MICHAEL: Yeah, well, don’t look to me to defend them.
MORGAN: Yeah, but it’s not just like me and Franco, we don’t get along — like, the guy’s a freaking serial killer. How can she be with him?

Which is why I can’t believe I’m saying this, but: WORDY McWORD, MORGAN.

This entire conversation was basically gold, with Morgan practically straining something rolling his eyes while Michael weakly trotted out all the same old excuses, like even Chad Duell couldn’t believe he’d reached a point where his actual dialog amounted to: “he’s only technically responsible for my violent prison rape” and “a brain tumor did it! Read more…

Studies in boredom.

June 15, 2014

Maybe I’m a soulless monster, but I just can’t bring myself to be sorry that Patrick and Sabrina’s baby is dead. I know there have been way too many dead children on this show in recent years. But I also know how annoying Patrick and Sabrina are together. (Hint: really, really annoying.) So if this means they’re not tied together forever, I’m all for it.

None of that makes watching scenes of Sabrina babbling in her wedding dress or teary-eyed Jason Thompson for the umpteenth time in the last two years actually entertaining, though. Pretty much the only part I’ve enjoyed was this:

Elizabeth comforts Patrick

ELIZABETH: When I had to tell Cameron that his little brother was gone, I completely fell apart. Fortunately, I had Lucky there with me.
PATRICK: Well, I don’t have Robin.
ELIZABETH: I know you don’t. But you have me. I can help you through this.
PATRICK: I can’t ask you to do that–
ELIZABETH: I want to.

(It says something about how much I hate the idea of Elizabeth with either of her current romantic options that I would seriously consider putting her with Patrick to be a lesser evil at this point. It’s probably not going to happen, but I still love seeing their friendship remembered.) Read more…

FauxLuke explains it all.

June 1, 2014

If by “all” you mean “a bunch of crap we already knew.” And by “explains” you mean “drearily monologues for an entire episode.”

We did learn one new thing — apparently, FauxLuke has been waiting for an opportunity to grab real Luke for years. Not sure what was stopping him from stepping in all those other times Luke’s dropped off the map, but okay.

FauxLuke

Of course, FauxLuke also claims to have been studying Luke’s life all that time too… but somehow missed details like Luke calling Tracy “Spanky” or the fact that the Outback has been gone for a decade. Basically, FauxLuke is terrible at his job. Read more…

Soap Report: “Secret Garden”

May 27, 2014

Oh, Secret Garden. We could have had it all. Bickering! Body swap! Two of my favorite things! Alas, it just never came together for me in quite the way that I’d hoped.

For those not up on their K-Dramas, Secret Garden is 20 episode romantic comedy that, sadly, has nothing to do with hunchbacks or creepy English manors. But it makes up for that in cracktastic magical shenanigans and amazing fashion choices. It was not a terrible way to spend twenty hours reading sub-titles, but, well…

Secret Garden cover

What’s it about? This is a classic rich boy/poor girl story, with a side of supernatural added in. Our hero, Joo-won, is the wealthy CEO of a department store. He has a host of neuroses and some very particular opinions about sequins. Gil Ra-im is a poor orphan stunt woman from the wrong side of the tracks, who enters his orbit through a series of misunderstandings and coincidences. Blah blah, sexual tension ensues. Read more…

I think I’m in love.

May 26, 2014

Consider this your official Jordan Ashford appreciation post, guys. Because everything about her is giving me joy right now. Undercover DEA agent! Making plans with Anna! Bad ass ladies being awesome together! IT’S LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE.

Jordan and TJ

ALSO: REALLY AMAZING HAIR

I’ve been on Jordan’s side since she showed up in town. But to be fair, I’d have been reflexively on the side of just about anyone getting judged on their moral failings by the local killer for hire. Read more…

Gimme Some VD: “Home”

May 19, 2014

Previously on Vampire Diaries: Stefan lost his heart. And I don’t mean that in a metaphorical way for once.

Caroline’s at Chez Salvatore, sobbing over Stefan’s body when Elena and Damon come frantically running in. Stefan’s ghost watches sadly from the other side. The oblivion wind nearly sucks him up, but Lexi shows up at the last second to pull him back. Yay, Lexi!

Damon sees Stefan's corpse

Damon makes a terrible face when he sees his brother’s corpse. But it slowly hardens into determination as Caroline asks about Bonnie’s plan. Cut to: Damon throwing a fit as Bonnie explains the way the plan crashed and burned when Maria was sucked into oblivion. Read more…

Gimme Some VD: “Promised Land”

May 19, 2014

Previously on Vampire Diaries: The gang had a really awkward slumber party.

I know this is super late. I know! The truth is I watched both this and the finale back to back and was amazed to find myself actually enjoying the show for the first time in a while. Wonders never cease?

Damon Caroline torture

Anyway, we open on Damon, who’s got one of the possessed townsfolk tied up in his living room for a friendly bout of torture. Caroline wanders in and is horrified to recognize him as her banker, but that doesn’t stop her from standing by as Damon stabs him in the leg. Sorry, banker dude. Sucks to be you. Read more…

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