Well, that was quick.

After Tuesday’s kind of, sort of, not completely awful showing, I made it a point to watch General Hospital in a more timely fashion to see if this not sucking thing might continue.

Needless to say, it did not.

Lulu besting Ethan was a pleasant surprise, but he’s still entirely too smug and toothy for me to get excited about. Other than that, the only part of the rest of the week which even remotely caught my interest was that lovely split second of awkwardness when Elizabeth and Jason laid eyes on each other for the first time in months.

…after which they very carefully didn’t have any sort of emotional moment, or even a brief conversation about — oh, I don’t know…their son?

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Kudos to Becky and Steve for silently putting as much nuance into their expressions as possible. As always, when the writing isn’t there, they step it up.

(Also, thanks, Frons! I really appreciate the way you’re once again trying to obliterate all mention or memory of my couple from existence! I’m sure that will totally work this time. After all, Liason fans are nothing if not quitters.)

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In other news, there are so many things wrong with the latest turn of events in the Michael’s shooting story clusterfuck, I don’t even know where to start.

It was a poorly conceived idea to have Michael shot in the first place if no real dramatic change was going to come out of it. (And make no mistake, for all their vaunted promises, none has: one year later, Sonny is back in charge of the mob, and Jason is still working for him — wow, what a shake up!)

Involving Claudia and Johnny in the shooting took a bad idea and made it worse, because there really is no path to redemption after you’ve had a hand in putting a child in a coma — even a budding little sociopath in training like Michael.

To compound all those mistakes by marrying Claudia to Sonny — the man, lest we forget, who was the actual target of the hit that injured Michael — and then expecting us to believe there’s some sort of legitimate romance going on while also constantly throwing Claudia’s part in the shooting in our faces via Jerry’s endless, droning, utterly idiotic DVDs…well, it makes no sense to me at all.

Now the writers, in all their infinite wisdom, have brought Ric into it.

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For the record, I don’t like Ric. Never have. But that doesn’t mean I can’t see his potential. Rick Hearst is a talented, Emmy winning actor playing a character with ties all over the canvas. And although he’s not exactly my personal cup of tea, I have it on reliable authority that many, many women would not kick him out of bed for eating crackers.

So why do the writers hate him?

After years of skeevy behavior mixed in with half-assed redemption arcs followed by even more heinous skeeviness, Port Charles’ personal whipping boy finally had a promising storyline:

  • His long awaited, villainous father was on the canvas — played by veteran of stage and screen, Stephen Macht, no less.
  • He and Claudia were generating so many sparks in their scenes together that I’m surprised the sets didn’t burn down. (When he peeled that boot off of her foot for some post-trial afternoon delight — holy crap, I about melted in my seat!)

Two dangerous, deeply damaged scheming manipulators with chips on their shoulders team up to take on their cruel, abusive fathers and raise a little hell? Sign me up, please! Port Charles hasn’t had a deliciously evil power couple for far too long.

Plus, Ric had made peace with Alexis and it seemed like he was finally, finally done with obsessing over Sonny. Well, we knew that couldn’t last.

Fast forward a few months: Trevor’s dead by way toxic balls; Ric barely got a scene to even acknowledge his father’s ludicrous and completely nonsensical death. Claudia is not only married to Sonny in a lame retread of both his mob marriage to Lilly and his original marriage of convenience with Sarah Brown’s Carly…but she’s also inexplicably in love with him — to the point of betraying Ric and endangering his life with barely a qualm.

And as for Sonny, well, I’ll just let Ric speak for himself, shall I?

Ric: I want everything. I want everything that Sonny has. I want his money, I want his power. I want his wife.

Charmed, I’m sure!

I’m no Claudia fangirl by a long shot, but I don’t enjoy rape as entertainment, especially when it’s this kind of coercive, skeezy, “she was really asking for it by being such a slut” bull shit. And ESPECIALLY when it involves some truly gross power dynamics with a couple I once enjoyed so much for being presented as equals.

Apparently someone at GH has decided it makes sense to put newcomers like Ethan on contract while shoving Emmy winners out the door (or worse, onto “recurring,” i.e. “Bobbie Spencer/Monica Quartermaine” status). But did they have to make sure that Ric was completely regressed and ruined on his way out? And pile even more sexual abuse and just general ickiness on Claudia – a character who’s already endured far too much of all of the above – in the process?

What am I saying? These are the same writers who thought it was appropriate to have a rape victim repeatedly laughed at and chastised for “cheating” on his wife. These are the same writers who throw around words like bitch, skank, whore, and slut like they’re going out of style. These are the same writers who thought the forbidden love between a man and his tumor was the greatest romance of all time.

But what concerns me most of all is the likelihood that Rick Hearst is going to stick around after all, meaning at some point we’ll be getting yet another half-assed redemption arc for Ric, followed by yet more skeevy villainy down the road.

I wish Mr. Hearst the best, I really do. And at this point that would seem to be any other show than this one.

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But just so it’s not all doom and gloom, I give you this, which cracks me up:

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Most unsexy orgy ever?

The best (i.e. most creepy) part is Jason’s benevolent, approving smile as he looks on:

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And if you haven’t been there before — as I had not until I was looking for confirmation of his current contract status — I highly recommend you pop on over to Mr. Hearst’s official website. Trust me, the rocking music intro alone makes it worthwhile.

Ah, GH. The gift that keeps on giving.

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