Despair in the Afternoon hit 5,000 page views this week. Which may not be much in the grand scheme of things, but it feels like a pretty big milestone to us. Especially since we weren’t really sure anyone would be reading this blog at all when we started it.
As a special thanks to all our readers, we’ve decided to celebrate by starting a new series. With General Hospital’s ratings the only thing circling the drain faster than the economy, everyone could probably use a little trip down memory lane to a better time. So every Wednesday, we’ll be looking back on some of our favorite moments from GH history — the best of the best from the late 80s onward.
Kicking off the series, today we’re bringing you our picks for Port Charles’ sexiest moments. The ones that really made our hearts race and our toes curl. Through the miracle of YouTube, relive the passion, the gloriously cheesy slo-mo, and the questionable hair and fashion choices. We certainly hope you enjoy it as much as we did.
Tenillypo: Jagger and Karen are the whole reason I started watching General Hospital. (So, in a sense, I have only them to blame for my current hell. Damn you, Antonio Sabato Jr. — you and your dimples and your sculpted abs!)
Like many a young soap couple, by the time these two had sex for the first time, they’d been through their share of disasters, betrayals, and misunderstandings. Whether they were shipwrecked on a deserted island, searching through the mean streets of Port Charles for Jagger’s long lost siblings, or running for their lives from Sonny’s vengeful thugs (back when the writers didn’t consider “mob boss” to be a noble calling) — I was absolutely riveted to Karen and Jagger’s story.
Karen’s emerging repressed memories of being molested as a child had stopped them from getting close for a long time, but while hiding out in that cabin in the woods, everything finally came together. And man, my 14 year old self thought it was hot.
I’m sorry the sound and video quality on this clip is so poor, but my memories of the cabin sex are quite clear. The one thing that stands out in my mind is how absolutely earned this scene was. The characters had really worked for it. They’d been through hell and back. Which, of course, just made the resolution all the sweeter.
Sonny and Carly
incandescentflower: I have to say, despite the fact that I too probably got hooked on GH because of Jagger and Karen, my memory of them is not so great.
Sonny and Brenda may have practically melted the screen, but when Sonny and Carly were paired, I was all for it. At the time, I felt the writers looked at both characters as deeply flawed, which is why they worked well together. I remember the first time they took their marriage of convenience to the next level very well. I really hate this new version of Maurice Bernard and Sarah Brown, because the original was so much better.
Tenillypo: I know this a controversial one. A lot of people hated Sonny and Alexis hooking up — particularly fans of Sonny and Carly. As a fan of Alexis, first and foremost, I can honestly say that the thought of her succumbing to Sonny’s dubious charms ever again fills me with horror.
But back in 2002, it was a different story. Hard as it is to believe now, Alexis and Sonny had a friendship built on mutual affection and respect. Sonny genuinely valued Alexis’ council and her good opinion. Alexis went to Sonny when she needed someone to calm her down and talk her off the ledge. Each of them had strengths which complimented the other. And neither of them was the other’s type.
Before Alexis, we’d never seen Sonny in an age appropriate relationship. We’d never seen him with someone whose mind he actually seemed to respect. Brenda had challenged Sonny to be a better person, but she’d also loved him too much — and consequently let him get away with far more than she should have. Alexis didn’t have that problem. Although she was drawn to Sonny’s charisma and the softer, gentler qualities he kept hidden behind a hard exterior, she was never so swept away by his charm that she forgot who he truly was: a gangster. Never, that is, except for this one night. And what a night it was!
I think what made the Alexis/Sonny hook up so great was that in all the months leading up to it, I never in a million years thought the show would actually go there and have them do the deed. It was deliciously unexpected and so, so dirtybadwrong. We knew it would never last. They knew it would never last. It was never a love match. But the affection was as real as the lust. How many of Sonny’s most recent conquests can we say that about?
(As a side note, for my money, Nancy Lee Grahn is the hottest woman in soaps, hands down. I think this clip makes it quite clear what a damn shame it is that we so rarely see her rocking anything other than a power suit.)
Robin and Jason in Montauk
incandescentflower: I remember Robin and Jason like I remember my first love. I identified with Robin and just went nuts when the guy who never noticed her before suddenly didn’t have eyes for anyone else. I also loved that they showed it can still be sexy to talk about safe sex. It doesn’t ruin the mood; it’s just part of the conversation. This scene, especially, is about Jason and Robin being intimate without actually having sex. And it was just as hot as any other sex scene on GH.
How I miss those days…
Tenillypo: I could easily fill up an entire list of sexy moments with just Sonny and Brenda clips. Which is why it’s more than a little ironic that out of the many, many, many smoldering S&B love scenes, I chose to highlight one of their relatively chaste encounters.
But the alley kiss is infamous for a reason. It was the culmination of months of agony and separation. We’d watched Sonny and Brenda dance this dance so many times. Brenda tried every trick in the book to get Sonny back, but he held strong — until that night in the alley next to Luke’s. The great thing about this clip is you can actually see the moment Sonny just gives in and completely loses the will to fight her any more. And once he touches her, it’s all over. Their longing is like a physical force in the scene. It’s magnetic, and it’s all Vanessa Marcil, Maurice Bernard, and their crazy, magic chemistry.
I can still remember watching this with my mother and being embarrassed to have her in the room. Note to current GH writers: this is what an explosion of repressed longing is meant to look like. You might want to give it a try one of these days.
Patrick and Robin
incandescentflower: Patrick and Robin are one of the only couples still on GH today that I think have real chemistry. Jason Thompson and Kimberly McCullough can generate enough electricity to make me blush. This scene in 2006 was the first time these two characters slept together. Again, they showed that sex talk doesn’t turn down the heat. And the best part of this scene: the way Patrick touches Robin’s legs. It gives me goose bumps.
This couple has had their ups and downs together, which can often drive me crazy. And there have even been times when I cringe at the cheesiness of their love. But I would tolerate any amount of corniness and story shenanigans to get this kind of sex scene with them on a regular basis.
Tenillypo: Bad timing and back stage politics forced Liason fans to wait nearly ten years for their couple to finally hit the sheets. But though Elizabeth and Jason’s post-sex story left a lot to be desired, the one night stand itself — spread out over three glorious days of cuddling and long heart to hearts — was more than worth the wait.
Like the Sonny/Brenda clip above, this isn’t a long, extended love scene. We don’t get any more nudity than Steve Burton without a shirt — no mean accomplishment these days, but still fairly tame in comparison to other soap sex scenes. What we do get are two people who have been apart for a long time. Who have wanted each other for years and never truly been able to act on it for one reason or another. And it shows.
Becky Herbst is as gorgeous and fabulous as ever in this scene, but it’s Burton who really makes it work. Normally passive Jason fairly stalks Elizabeth around the room. The way he stares at her throughout, so intent, drinking her in; the way he keeps touching her; the way he grabs her arm when she turns away around 7:18 — it’s electric. Most of all, the way he initiates everything — he kisses her, he takes her top off. It’s not like Jason, and that makes it hot. The man who usually keeps all his emotions and desires in check is suddenly the most expressive one in the room.
There’s a lot to love about this scene — the conversation leading up to the sex is full of both characters’ rich history with one another, and all their old chemistry is on full display. But the moment that really hits me where I live every single time is when he jerks her back to him around 8:05, as if separating long enough to undress was physically painful. What can I say to that, but: GUH?
The current GH writers could really learn a few things from these scenes:
1) No more canned music. Whatever elevator medley music they use for most of their couples these days is intolerable. I’m looking at you, Jax and Carly theme. The use of actual music is key to setting the mood.
2) Less is more. Use camera angles that don’t show everything — a focus on a touch or a look goes a long way.
3) Chemistry, please. We want to see people who are dying to rip one another’s clothes off, not people who are okay with sleeping with one another. Stop throwing perfectly good chemistry away.
4) Real emotion is key. The one thing each and every one of these couples has in common is emotional buildup before hitting the sheets. Foreplay for the mind. The scenes were hot because the audience was gagging for it just as much as the characters — if not more. With a few exceptions, today’s GH is really lacking in stories that make you ache like that.
And there you have it.
We don’t pretend to be even the slightest bit unbiased; this list is heavily skewed toward the couples and characters we liked the best. Disagree? Think we left something off? Sound off in the comments and let us know.