Pinch me, I must be dreaming!

Don’t get me wrong, most of the show is still six kinds of boring and badly put together. That should go without saying.

But I was all set to come here and write a rant about how isolated all these stories are, what with Nikolas ignoring his Aunt and cousins’ plight to focus on his own stupid man pain and Sonny chasing Olivia when two of his kids are freaking missing.

…and then I watched this week so far. Which leads me to–

THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I’D SEE ON GENERAL HOSPITAL:

  • This Just In: Emily. Not Actually A Saint:

ELIZABETH: Let me tell you about my best friend, Emily. She wasn’t this angel that you’ve painted her in your grief. She was human. Flawed, just like the rest of us. And she’d be the first one to tell you.
NIKOLAS: Depends on your point of view, I suppose.
ELIZABETH: All right, well, let’s see. I can recall her being involved with Sonny Corinthos, do you remember that? Yeah, and she also broke Zander’s heart when she realized she was in love with you.

Holy crap. I did not realize that anyone writing for this show could remember as far back as…three years ago. Also: extra points for correctly classifying involvement with Sonny as a serious flaw.

Rock on with your bad, truth-telling self, Liz.

  • Wait, what? Prosecuting criminals isn’t unfair persecution?

OLIVIA: Making friends with people, gaining their trust so you can send them to prison–
DANTE: They’re criminals, Ma! That’s why they go to jail! Sonny Corinthos is a thief, an extortionist, and a killer.

Oh my GOD. I had to rewind that to make sure I’d heard it right. Beautiful, Dante. Just beautiful.

Raise your hand if you would happily watch an entire hour of Robin and Patrick’s further adventures in non-murder related role-playing games!

Yeah. That’s what I thought. They are the most adorable thing to ever adorable.

(See, writers! This is how you write a happily married couple and keep them interesting and fun!)

  • So you’re saying slogans from “The Little Date Rapist Handbook” don’t constitute high romance?

SONNY: Why’d you say I was delusional? What’d you mean by that?
DANTE: …seriously?

[Ed. note — I love his delivery on that line. Like he’s suddenly wondering if he might have to literally explain the meaning of the word “delusional” to his boss.]

DANTE: Well, I mean, she said she didn’t want anything to do with you, and then she ran out of here like her feet were on fire.
SONNY: Well, she ran out of here because she didn’t want to face me and tell me that she’s, ah, doing it with Johnny. Um, sometimes you gotta be able to read between the lines.
DANTE: Look, I was reading the actual lines. You’re married to someone else. I mean, call me old fashioned, but it’s not really playing fair to hit on another lady. Especially when she already told you “no”.

First of all: doing it, Sonny? Are we twelve? I think they told us in high school that if we couldn’t say the word “sex” we shouldn’t be having it. Something for you to consider, perhaps.

(Also, between this, the second item on this list, and his subsequent failure to rape Rebecca after she passed out drunk on his bed — see how high my standards for men on this show have become? — Dante is rapidly rising in the ranks to battle Johnny for my current favorite male character on the canvas. Can’t wait to see how the writers screw up all this awesomeness!)

  • What the– ? Alexis and Nikolas are related?!

NIKOLAS: You could have just called me, you know.
MOLLY: I did. But your butler guy said that you were “unavailable.”
NIKOLAS: …oh.

[Yes, Nik: “oh”. As in, “oh crap, I was busy throwing a drunken, furniture destroying, ex-sister-in-law kissing pity party. My bad.”]

It figures that Molly is the only member of the Cassadine family who can remember they’re supposed to be a powerful force with which to be reckoned. I love this kid! She’s already smarter and more practical than most of the adults in town. I predict she will be head of the family within ten years.

Unless, of course, this terrible show has been canceled by then.

(For roughly two minutes, forty seconds. But still.)

I know! Crazy, right? Such is the magic of Nancy Lee Grahn, that her presence in the room can make Maurice Bernard actually engage in the scene. It also doesn’t hurt that the dialog has him caring about Alexis, remembering that Kristina is his daughter, and generally not acting like an enormous douche for once.

Things I loved about this scene: Alexis and Sonny actually acting like two people who used to really like each other. Sonny knowing Alexis well enough to know she would never run Claudia off the road and just leave her there, or let Michael take the blame (forget for a minute that this show is so badly written that we didn’t even get to see Sonny’s reaction to hearing about Alexis’ confession). And all the casual touching — Alexis’ hand on Sonny’s back, her grabbing his arm as they leave the room — *sighs dreamily*

Damn it, every time I try to get out, this is how they pull me back in!

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