The problem with watching General Hospital episodes in a timely manner instead of all piled up in a terrifying lump at the end of the week is that I then feel compelled to post about every stupid thing as it happens instead of cherry-picking the most idiotic/offensive moments out of all five days.
And as we all know, there’s more than enough stupid to go around in any one episode. In no particular order, from yesterday:
* Incandescentflower and I are of two different minds regarding the Psychic Michael story, so I’m sure she was wincing through yesterday’s show. But I think it is harmlessly hilarious. I would find it even more hilarious if Michael were to give up his mob aspirations entirely in favor of a life as a carnie fortune teller. He could set up a booth on the docks! And wear a satin turban and puffy Hammer pants as he dispenses unwanted and vaguely ominous advice to the bemused denizens of Port Charles!
(It… is possible I just spent waaaaay too much time imagining this.)
* Urgent for Steve Burton: please stop abusing the fake tan lotion! I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for more shirtless guys on this show. Beefcake for all my friends! But Steve, dude… tone it down a bit. Your sixpack is very nice, but it should not be lobster red.
(Also, wasn’t Jason shot in the shoulder, like… just last week? Where were the bandages? Is this like the magically disappearing brain surgery bandages everyone always has on their neck?)
* How fantastic is Carly looking these days?
…and how mortified would you be if your pregnant mother was wandering around the house showing that much boob? Poor Morgan’s burgeoning sexuality has probably just taken a terrifying and confusing turn:
* Anyone else choke a little when Molly was bemoaning the “cruel circumstances” that tore Jason and Sam apart, considering those “circumstances” included her sister sleeping with her father on her living room floor while her mother was in treatment for cancer? No? Just me?
* I did enjoy her literary allusions (Brontë sisters for the win!), which is something I can rarely say about this show’s attempts to make characters seem smart. I think the difference is Molly’s young enough that the writers’ clumsy references actually fit.
* Speaking of Molly, why the hell are she and Kristina helping to plan Maxie and Spinelli’s wedding? Could the writers seriously not come up with a way to have them catch Jason and Sam in a compromising position that made a little more sense? I don’t think the kids have ever even shared a single scene with the happy couple before. God, this show is so sloppy. And bad. Don’t forget bad.
And… that’s all I’ve got. This watching on time stuff is exhausting, you guys!