Emily Brontë is rolling in her grave.

You know, when I said I would happily watch Robin and Patrick play sexy role playing games all day long, hot pink drag queen isn’t really the look I had in mind. And don’t get me wrong, the whole situation with Louise had me squirming with contact embarrassment…

…but damn if this wasn’t adorable:

Scrubs Role Play

PATRICK: The Galaxy Queen has fallen into my trap. My slumber was a trick to lure you into a false sense of security.
ROBIN: I surrender, Earthling. Do with me as you will!


(Incidentally, I kind of like Louise and would enjoy her actually becoming a friend to Patrick and Robin. They could use some adults to talk to! But if this turns into some sort of cheating story, I will reach into the television and choke a bitch, I swear.)


Remember when I also thought Molly’s literary references were kind of cute? Should have known the writers would beat that horse to death:

MOLLY: And I like you too. Underneath your gruff exterior, you obviously have very deep feelings for Sam. Kind of like Heathcliff and Catherine from Wuthering Heights.


Look, hasn’t poor Wuthering Heights already suffered enough indignities this year? Does it really need the added blow of being clumsily name-checked on this awful show?

(Wuthering Heights is actually one of my favorite books of all time. But since Catherine and Heathcliff were both deeply obsessive, self-absorbed, awful people who rained destruction on the lives of everyone around them and generally made each other miserable, I like to think that Molly comparing them to Sam and Jason was a clever and subtle insult on her part.)

Or possibly it’s just that no one on the GH staff has ever actually read the book. You know, whichever seems more likely.


So, let me get this straight: Dante and Olivia have been having the same damn conversation about him leaving town and giving up his assignment and blah blah blah for months. Finally, it appears that’s about to happen and we don’t even get to see him tell her about it? Or see her talk to him about the fact that Claudia knows the truth about who he really is? Because that’s not an important plot point or anything!

I do not understand why this show will spend hours on repetitive bullshit, but refuses to spend a single scene actually mining the dramatic tension they’ve set up when the story actually starts to move forward. Forget Soap 101, this is Storytelling 101!

Dante and Lulu

Speaking of Dante, we finally got his big explanation for why he’s so hot to take down Sonny and the mob. (Because he couldn’t possibly just hate the mob because they’re violent, amoral criminals who profit off the suffering and intimidation of others. Of course not. Sorry, forgot what show I was watching for a second…)

I’m sure we’ll find out eventually that he’s been mistakenly blaming Sonny for the murder of his beloved father figure all these years, and that will somehow make it okay that Sonny regularly orders the deaths of countless other people. Because this show is ass.


Do you think Sonny ever gets tired of sucking so hard? I would, if I were him.

CLAUDIA: Maybe he needs to be on meds…?
SONNY: It’s more than anger. The real problem is the flashbacks.

Why thank you, Doctor Sonny! With your advanced psychological and neurological knowledge, you are clearly the most qualified person to be making that call.

You know there’s really something wrong when Claudia (Claudia!) is the only one actually making sense. Why hasn’t a single other adult in Michael’s life even suggested that maybe — just maybe — some therapy might be in order for this kid with severe mental problems? Even if he didn’t have the rage issues and the flashbacks to deal with, the stress of such a violent trauma and missing an entire year of his life should have been more than enough to get him talking to a competent professional.

(Which would rule out Lainey, of course. But still — there’s got to be at least one other therapist in town!)

Then, there’s this bit of parental wisdom:

Sonny Sucking

SONNY: I don’t care about Kiefer. I don’t give a damn if you went off on that jackass.
MICHAEL: You don’t?
SONNY: He’s–look. I’m not impressed with him. It is Kristina’s first boyfriend, am I right? [Ed. note: FATHER. OF. THE. YEAR.]
MICHAEL: As far as I know. I mean, she’s never mentioned anyone else.
SONNY: I don’t like him. He’s smug, he’s self-entitled, and he’s bad for her, right? I can smell it.

Why did Sonny start talking about himself in the third person at the end there– oh, wait. He meant Kiefer. Gotcha.

(I’d love to think the writers were aware of the irony of having Sonny call out some other guy on being a smug, self-entitled prick who’s bad for the woman in his life, but I think we all know how likely that is.)

Then, of course, Sonny gives his brain damaged child with rage and self-control issues tacit permission to “take care of” his sister’s boyfriend if he thinks she’s not being treated right. Because I’m sure that’s what Michael needs: more excuses to violently take matters into his own hands.

Just so we’re clear: I’m not defending Kiefer here. He’s scum. But the audience knows things about him that Sonny doesn’t. And even if Sonny was aware that Kiefer was abusing Kristina, putting that on Michael’s shoulders is really not a stellar parenting response. I mean, what’s so damn hard about saying, “I don’t like Kiefer either. I want you to keep an eye on him and tell me and her mother if you see anything sketchy”?

Worst. Father. Ever.


12 thoughts on “Emily Brontë is rolling in her grave.

  1. So I was ready to pull out the Patrick and Robin squee when I thought “well, this came at the end of the episode so maybe they will continue it tomorrow and I can write a LONG post about how I’ve been waiting for this scene for forever…” and then I watched yesterday and realized that I am a stupid, stupid fool.
    Also, the stuff about Michael and a therapist…I’ve been going through this debate since he woke up from the comma. I keep thinking – he could really use a family therapist and then it hits me that they would make it Laney and I would want to kill her and so it is better to just pretend that he shouldn’t have one, even though that KILLS ME.
    When stuff like that happens, like Sonny telling Michael he can help him work on his self-control and then in the next beat YELLS AT HIM, I keep muttering to myself “Jonathan Jackson will be on in two weeks, Jonathan Jackson will be on in two weeks…” And I don’t know why that I do this, because they are just going to screw that up too. Ugh.

    • I don’t know why everyone’s always giving Sonny crap about his lack of self-control. Look at all the people he hasn’t killed! Look at all the women he hasn’t knocked up! (There’s gotta be at least two…) Look at all the tantrums he hasn’t thrown when he doesn’t get his way– oh, wait.

  2. Are you kidding me? You really think there’s a chance they won’t try to write Louise in with Patrick and Robin as a love triangle? Really? I guess you are not quite as disillusioned as I am yet. Then again, it will probably last all of 3 scenes, knowing the writers’ attention span. I was sure they were trying to set something up between her and Max’s brother….until Max and his brother went missing.

    I totally had the same thought(s) re: Dante – especially the one where he is being set up to find out that St. Sonny didn’t order that hit. Ugh.

    “SONNY: I don’t like him. He’s smug, he’s self-entitled, and he’s bad for her, right? I can smell it.” …funny, he talks about Johnny (!) this way, too. Does the man have a shred of self-awareness? And I don’t like Johnny being lumped in with that jackass Kiefer.

    Honestly, I find it interesting that people hate on Claudia more than they hate on Sonny. Claudia is a wacko, at least. And Sarah Joy Brown plays it like she is aware that her character is supposed to be batshit. Maurice Benard actually seems to think he’s playing a good guy. Then again…that is what Guza is feeding him…sigh.

    Your most ingenius line in this post: “Because this show is ass.”

    • Does the man have a shred of self-awareness?

      No. No, he does not.

      There’s very little Claudia’s done that Sonny hasn’t, IMO. I don’t see much difference between them at all. Her worst crime is taking out the hit on him (something he’s done on his enemies numerous times). Yes, a child was accidentally hit instead. The only reason Sonny is “better” in this regard is that he has a reliable hitman (Jason, natch), while Claudia was forced to use… a plastic surgeon. *facepalm*

      Well, I never claimed she was the brightest bulb.

  3. This show sucks. I was so excited for more Robin and Patrick scenes…and then GH gave them a weird, failed seduction tactic in the presence of strangers. I understand that it was supposed to be funny. And bless their heart KMc and JT did what they do best and used their immense talents to salvage a very poor script even though none of it made sense.

    Why are Matt and Maxie convinced that Patrick misses his bachelor days? Since when is Robin so insecure in their relationship? Everything that we’ve seen since her return from PPD counseling has been a strong and stable and fun and sexy Scrubs relationship. What the hell happened between the reception at Jake’s (a mere 2 weeks ago) and Patrick randomly hanging out with Louise at Jake’s last week? Um, nothing, that’s what. Plus, they tried to re-write history by mentioning an ex-girlfriend when Patrick has always stated that Robin was his first serious relationship.

    And to top it all off. Just when we thought we were getting a real, honest-to-goodness Scrubs love scene…it fizzled before it even began. And out of 45 minutes, Robin and Patrick were on for 6 minutes…of which they shared one scene together with just the two of them…which lasted all of 1 minute.

    GH sucks.

    • But don’t you know? Patrick has made an enormous sacrifice in settling down with Robin and Emma, and needs to be petted and praised for it every time he’s onscreen, lest we all forget that he used to be a Player and his life was much more fun then. *eye roll*

      So telling that Maxie’s whole speech about relationships and keeping your man happy and whatnot had nothing whatsoever to do with *Robin’s* happiness or satisfaction. I mean, he married her, right? What more is she supposed to want? Ugh.

  4. KMc could make a paper bag look good. I luv it when Robin & Patrick are alone at home together. I can watch Kimson watch paint dry and I’m happy cuz together they ROCK!

    • In his defense, I did futz with the color of that screencap to make it a little lighter. But all the men have seemed orange since they made the switch to HD — especially Sonny and Nikolas. It’s…unfortunate.

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