Of all the many scenes that made me want to pull my hair out in yesterday’s episode (et tu, Lulu?), this was the one that made me sit up and march over to the computer in a fit of indignant fury:
REBECCA: Well, you never make me feel like I have to apologize for being the twin that lived.
EDWARD: There’s no reason for you to apologize about anything, [ Ed. note: ???] and if that scoundrel, Nikolas–
REBECCA: No, Nikolas is wonderful. It’s Elizabeth Webber. She hates me. And I know I shouldn’t care, but Nikolas is so close to her.
EDWARD: Well, they were all really inseparable when they were teenagers.
REBECCA: Oh yeah, so I’ve heard. About a million times. The Four Musketeers. And now Emily’s gone and somehow in Elizabeth’s mind, it’s my fault.
Um… no. Let’s back this train up for a minute:
In Elizabeth’s mind — as well as the mind of every person who is actually in touch with this thing I like to call REALITY — it is your fault, Rebecca, that you are the kind of greedy, selfish, hateful vulture who learns she has a twin sister who was recently brutally murdered and decides the best thing to do is torment her loved ones by showing up and pretending you have no idea why you look exactly like the woman they lost, all the while planning to bilk them for all they’re worth.
I don’t know why Ethan and Rebecca have so much trouble with the very simple concept that people whose grief you toy with in the intention of STEALING FROM THEM might actually resent you for it, even if you get caught and say you’re very, very sorry. But, gee, kids: them’s the breaks of pulling a con. Suck it up and deal!
(As an aside: God, Natalia Livingston’s last air date cannot come soon enough. She’s not even trying anymore, is she?)
This is kind of what my face looked like as I listened to Carly and Jason’s conversation about what a prince he is for deciding to stop murdering people:
WHAT THE EFFING EFF IS THIS SHIT?
Some choice (and baffling) quotes:
JASON: I told Sonny that someone else has to take over “enforcer duties.” I want to stay away from the violence.
CARLY: You’re doing that for Michael, aren’t you?
Well, yes! Because he clearly wouldn’t be doing it because he no longer finds it rewarding or satisfying to kill people for money. And he certainly wouldn’t be doing it for anyone else, like say — HIS SON. That would be crazy.
JASON: I am respected for what I do. So Michael thinks that killing is worthy of respect.
CARLY: But you do what you do out of loyalty to Sonny–
JASON: Listen to you, you always justify the violence because you care about me!
CARLY: Well, I’m selfish that way, I can’t help it!
I’m torn. The honesty is refreshing, but I get the feeling we’re not supposed to be as disgusted and repulsed by either of these people as I so totally am right now.
JASON: I want to be some one that Michael looks up to. I don’t want him to think I’m special just because my hand doesn’t shake when I shoot somebody!
CARLY: I love you so much, and I think what you’re doing for Michael is beautiful, I do.
Guys, it really is a beautiful thing when a noble man makes a difficult sacrifice like giving up a rewarding life of KILLING PEOPLE FOR MONEY in order to set a good example roughly SEVENTEEN YEARS TOO LATE for it to make a goddamn lick of difference.
Seriously, has someone informed the Pope? Because I think we’ve got an official candidate for sainthood right here, folks.
Excuse me, I have to go vomit now.