Now that it’s not only a new year but a new decade, it seems like the perfect time to look at our hopes for the future — that is, the future we’d get if we had some serious dirt with which to blackmail Brian Frons.
Top Ten Stories Incandescentflower Would Like to See in 2010 (starting with the most likely and finishing with over Guza’s dead body):
10. LUCKY KICKS LIZ TO THE CURB. Since Jonathan Jackson’s return, I’ve had a deep-seated desire to see Lucky and Liz back together, but not under these circumstances. Liz needs to get a lobotomy and cleanse the demons before that can happen. In the meantime, seeing Lucky rip her and Nik a new one would be extremely satisfying.
9. ALEXIS IS A GOOD MOM. Kristina displays some signs of stress (you know, beyond petty stuff like causing a car accident and running off to Mexico). Alexis picks up on it and helps her daughter deal with her abusive boyfriend — all the while facing her own issues with abusive men. Diane continues to provide support and humor as Alexis’ BFF.
8. WHO THE HELL IS SAM’S DAD, ANYWAY?!? That throwaway line at Thanksgiving makes me believe they might actually explore this topic in the coming year. However, logic and reason has never been a strong motivator for these writers. They didn’t address the issue when Sam found out Alexis was her mom in 2006, so why rush it?
7. MICHAEL GOES TO THERAPY. And actually deals with killing his step-mother. Kristina goes to therapy to deal with killing her unborn brother. Both get a real teenage life and have more peers than only Kristina’s abusive boyfriend. I honestly just want them to deal with their crap and move on. Both actors are amazing and I often enjoy daydreaming about them having great high school plots, much like the Jason/Brenda/Jagger/Karen adventures of yesteryear.
6. MATT GETS A PLOT. Any plot. I’m not picky. He’s a good actor — he deserves a love interest, agency in his own life, or even his own thought process. Something, anything. Please!
5. RECAST LUCAS, SERENA, AND BROOK LYNN. And restore some generational richness on the canvas. The soap genre is unique in the opportunities it presents to show layers of interaction between different generations. But with young legacy characters dropping like flies and over half the remaining younger generation related to Sonny in some way, the show has continued to decline in this area and is badly in need of some genetic diversity. Matter of fact, if we’re throwing out unobtainable desires, I’d like to build the Qs back up by bringing back Ned and Dillion. Hell, let’s bring Alan back from the dead, too. Hey, it’s a soap! Stranger things have happened.
4. DANTE DOESN’T CARE SONNY’S HIS DAD. Don’t make him a Sonny worshiper. He and Lucky can continue to work together as cops and show that the police can be competent. This is a tall order, I know. But wouldn’t it be great? Like seriously great? *sigh*
3. ROBIN AND PATRICK GET TO BE ACTUAL DOCTORS. Let’s see them treat actual patients and deal with the stress and drama of making life and death decisions on a daily basis! When was the last time we were introduced to a patient’s story and followed Robin and Patrick during treatment? There are infinite possibilities, but that would require the focus to move off of the mob and onto the hospital. Hell will freeze over first.
2. JOHNNY LEAVES THE MOB. Either to work with the cops or with Jackal & McCall. I’d prefer that Johnny work for the cops because I am obviously tired of all the mob love, but Johnny and Spinelli have had an interesting dynamic as of late and I think that their cases could be fun and interesting.
1. SONNY GOES TO JAIL. His cell mate ends up being Anthony Zacchara. Hijinks ensue (it’s like grumpy old men! in prison!). Anthony Zacchara escapes and Sonny and Jason work with the feds to bring him down. Sonny go to jail? Impossible, I know.
Top Ten Stories Tenillypo Would Like to See in 2010:
10. NO MORE NIK/LIZ. In fact, lets make it all disappear. What if Nikolas has actually been in a tumor-induced coma for most of the past year? Rebecca, Ethan, the affair with Elizabeth — all just a terrible, terrible dream.
9. DANTE GETS A HAIRCUT. Yes, I’m superficial, all right? Sue me. That feathered crap he’s working now is driving me nuts.
8. SAM GETS TO KNOW HER CASSADINE ROOTS. I want to know who Sam’s dad is as much as anyone, but we’ve known who her mother is for years and the show has still yet to really explore than connection. I want Helena to stir up trouble again and face a united force of opposition from Alexis, Sam and Nikolas. I want Sam and the girls to really understand the hell that was their mother’s childhood. And I want all four of them to come out closer on the other side.
7. MONICA FINDS OUT ABOUT JAKE. The Qs have been decimated, and everyone else in town is already in on this secret. Would it kill Jason and Elizabeth to let Monica know she has another grandson? And let her spend a little time with him?
6. ALEXIS GETS LAID. And it isn’t broadcast to the world, used to humiliate her in some way, a horrendous betrayal of everyone she loves, or otherwise a terrible experience. I don’t think this is so much to ask. Nancy Lee Grahn is smoking hot and a terrific actress. She’s had oodles of chemistry with multiple partners in the past. Just find her a romance that doesn’t revolve around a scumbag or a scandal, okay?
5. CORPORATE INTRIGUE. Remember when power plays for control of ELQ and Deception Cosmetics were a really big deal? I want to see the return of battling corporate raiders and dueling divas. When Kate and Jax first teamed up on Crimson, I had high hopes we might get to see just that, but Kate and the business side of the magazine have largely disappeared. Let’s fix that, and bring ELQ drama back while we’re at it.
4. NO MORE SEXUAL ASSAULT. Haha! This one is really a pipe dream, I know, but I would give my left eyetooth for a year free from sitting through one more woman (or Jax) getting raped, molested, or otherwise sexually terrorized on this show. Listen, Bob, I know the temptation to have Kelly Monaco roughed up every other month is really hard to resist, but… try, will you? For me? Please?
3. OLIVIA TURNS ON SONNY. After regaining her mind and self-respect, Olivia confesses to Dante that she witnessed Sonny murdering Karpov in cold blood. Sonny goes to jail, Jason makes a deal with the WSB to save him, becomes a super spy under Anna and Robert’s wing — they can even bring Spinelli along and install him as resident tech support, a la Marshall on Alias. And isn’t it about time Guza started ripping off 24 instead of The Sopranos anyway? Meanwhile, Olivia and Johnny ride off into the sunset together and have lots of hot sex on a beach somewhere.
2. LAURA COMES HOME. Come on, now. This one’s a no-brainer. With her original on-screen son back and about to have his world turned upside down, it’s the perfect time for Genie Francis to sweep in and fix the Spencers.
1. DIVERSIFY THE CANVAS. Port Charles is the whitest, straightest town on ABC Daytime. While All My Children and One Life to Live have both featured prominent non-white families and bold gay romances in the past year, the few minority characters on GH are lucky to get trotted out for five lines every other month, and Lucas — apparently the sole gay person in town — was shipped off as soon as the After School Special portion of his coming out story was done, never to be seen or heard from again.
OLTL is, by all accounts, currently writing not only a gay romance that’s had an great, old fashioned build, but a gay love triangle; the show rang in the new year with a love scene that was better than most of what we get between straight couples on GH. Meanwhile, AMC ventured into new territory with its much-touted lesbian wedding earlier this year. Granted, they do seem a little unclear on the concept of lesbians, but at least they’ve admitted they exist — which is more than Bob Guza seems willing to do. When Charles Pratt is writing more progressive material than you, it’s a pretty sad day, Bob.
It wouldn’t even be necessary to introduce new characters in order to even things up a bit — simply start using what’s already there. Hey, remember that cute African American cop who arrested Olivia right before Claudia’s birthday party? Well, give him a name and send him on a date with Matt. Three birds with one stone! It writes itself!
Ultimately, what we’d hope to see can be summed up in one sentence:
SOMEONE CHANGES A BEHAVIOR AT SOME POINT AND STICKS WITH IT.
What do you think? Do you agree with these lists? What would the rest of you like to see?