Holy mixed bag, Batman!

Well, the show hasn’t been boring this week, I’ll give it that much.

Okay, first things first: I have never in my life looked even half as pretty while hysterically crying as Rebecca Herbst does:

Seriously, how does she do that? If that was me, there would be snot and demon red eyes and all sorts of badness going on.

Second, let me say that I wholeheartedly agree with this assessment of how gross, unnecessary, and (sadly) typical the on-going slut-shaming of Elizabeth has been. Which isn’t to say that there haven’t been parts I thought were well done: Jonathan Jackson and Rebecca Herbst knocked it out of the park in yesterday’s awful, gut-wrenching, train wreck of a confrontation. (Tyler Christopher… was there too.)

Lucky and Lulu yelling at Nikolas was incredibly satisfying. Everyone in the hospital just stopping what they were doing — in Patrick, Lisa and Sonny’s case, discussing critical patient care — to listen to Lulu scream at Elizabeth was hilarious.

I hope that everyone who has ever complained about Elizabeth not getting called on her shit is enjoying this. For me, it’s just been really, really painful to watch. I have no problem with her facing anger and disgust for this, but the hypocrisy and over the top misogyny of the reaction thus far has sucked most of the fun out of what should have been fairly awesome soap.

At least Lucky had the excuse of being drunk, and was able to admit he’d crossed a line almost immediately afterward. But Lulu — who’s broken her share of homes and cheated on her share of lovers — really needs to cram it. She also needs to buy a less fugly coat, because this faux leopard print atrocity is making me blind with hate:

(Yes, I’m back to being annoyed with Lulu again. That was a short-lived reprieve.)

Finally, why does everyone seem to assume that Lucky will be dropping out of Cam and Jake’s lives now? Or that Jason giving up Jake was contingent on Lucky and Liz being together forever? They were co-parenting while divorced before and nobody batted an eye! The idea that Lucky would magically stop being their father just because he’s mad at their mother is so insulting. Which leads me to…

Brace yourselves, because this is going to be a shocker: Carly is the biggest, nastiest hypocrite in the history of the world.

CARLY: This torrid affair speaks volumes to Elizabeth’s character. And I realize I’m no saint, but I’m not cheating on a man who has opened his home and his heart to me with his brother.

Well, no. Just with his worst enemy. But I forgot! When Carly cheated on Jax with Sonny, it was okay, because that was just “a do-over.” And when Carly cheated on Jason with Sonny, that was okay because she really, really wanted to. And when Carly slept with her mother’s husband, that was okay because… actually, no. That will never, ever be okay and seriously: shut the hell up, Carly.

See, Elizabeth’s mistake was having an affair with a man she’d never slept with before. If she’d only read the Carly Benson Quartermaine Corinthos Corinthos Corinthos Alcazar Corinthos Jacks Handbook of Betrayal and Infidelity (which explicitly states that if you’re going to betray a man with his brother, you should make sure to also take the child you’ve asked him to love and raise as his own away with you when you go), she’d have known that if you’ve ever been married to a man, you have a free pass to have sex with him for the rest of your lives, regardless of your own marital status at the time.

CARLY: You’ve done so much for my kids. You’ve loved them. You’ve protected them. And you have taught them so many wonderful things. You could do the same for your son.

Yes, Jason’s protected Carly’s kids so well! Why, they’ve only been kidnapped the one or two times, and hell — Morgan’s never even been shot in the head and left in a coma for a year. That’s a 50% success rate in not getting her kids shot in the head! He’s also taught them so many wonderful things, like killing people is the only way to get respect, never trust the police, and bully your way out of trouble whenever possible. Boy, Jake sure is missing out!

In conclusion: shut it, Carly. You are the last person on the planet who should be passing judgment on anyone else’s parenting choices.

I admit, I was shocked when Michael heard Dante and Johnny’s hilariously unnecessary exposition on the docks. Part of me had given up on this story ever moving forward.

I was also shocked when, instead of hoarding that secret for ages, he immediately brought it to Sonny. I was not shocked when Sonny didn’t believe him, but that is because I’ve watched television before. Anyway, it doesn’t really matter, since the ABC promo monkeys — in all their infinite wisdom — have decided to run some incredibly spoilery ads promising the truth is finally going to come out this Friday, so… yeah. Whatever.

My excitement over finally getting some movement on this story is warring with my dread of the fallout, which — as we all knew it would — involves a lot of Dante feeling really bad about betraying the mobster who has ordered him to kill numerous people:

DANTE: It literally never occurred to me that I would have empathy for Sonny. His life is about to be blown apart, and it’s all because he made the fatal mistake of trusting me.

Okay, Dante, honey? Pretty sure that if Sonny were actually about to go to jail — which we all know he is not, because no one involved with this show loves me that much — but if he were… it would be because he made the fatal mistake OF BEING AN EFFING CAREER CRIMINAL.

How is this such a hard concept to grasp?

But what else can you really expect from a show that will cheerfully juxtapose dialog like this…

DANTE: I mean, even Sonny. He’s exactly like you say. He’s a deeply flawed man with some good going on.

… with dialog like this in the very same episode:

JASON: Are you really telling me our only option was to take Maxie out before she can be questioned by the cops?
SONNY: I’m just making a point. We don’t give up Michael. Whatever it takes, we make sure the cover holds.

Ladies and gentlemen: our noble heroes!


23 thoughts on “Holy mixed bag, Batman!

  1. Thank you, a million times over. I feel the rage flowing away now after reading haw awesome GH has been recently, ughhh! But after reading this I feel relief & solidarity ;-)

  2. Most hilarious scene of the day for me was when Michael raced back to tattle to Sonny about Dominic being a cop, but Sonny only perked up when he mentioned Johnny. Then they proceeded to do an amusing segment where Mikey kept wanting to talk about how Dominic was a traitorous cop, but Sonny kept wanting to talk about Johnny…and poor lil Mikey getting so frustrated that Sonny wasn’t loading up his guns on the spot to pump Dom full of lead. I half expected him to stomp his feet and have a “Marcia” moment. Hah.

    I do not want to talk about what’s going to happen next week because it will surely be infuriating…(via the promo) why, show, pray tell is Sonny roaming around GH when he just shot a cop point blank in the chest?

    • Sonny’s wandering free because Olivia would never turn him in for shooting her son! Be serious! *facepalm*

      Yeah, it’s going to be a train wreck.

      (Sonny’s Johnny focus was pretty hilarious. But it makes me very worried for his continuing survival.)

  3. I think it’s hilarious that after YEARS of being a manipulative little liar – Michael is shocked, SHOCKED when Sonny didn’t believe him.

    I laughed so hard.

  4. Nice Article…. and so true… Carly, Lulu and Sam all have done some horrible things when it comes to slutting it up and doing the dirty with brothers, others husbands, step dads, boyfriends etc.. so none of them should be critizing Liz…also Jason’s eyebrow raise and eyeroll when Carly first showed up to blab about liz was classic!
    I only hope Sam doesn’t go there today….I think Guza has serious women issues….

    • It’s such a fine line to walk. Every single person — man, woman — on this show has slutted it up at one point or another; I don’t think that means they can’t then call anyone else on their shit. But it’s the imbalance that drives me insane. This is the third time Nikolas has had an affair with someone else’s girlfriend/wife — and he was telling the truth when he said he’d been the driving force behind this whole affair with Liz. But for some reason, it’s all about her being a whore. It’s all about humiliating her.

      The idea that Carly would seriously accuse anyone else of being an unfit mother over a sexual indiscretion kind of makes my brain explode.

  5. This is obviously the writers setting up Rebecca Herbst’s hiatus from the show if you can believe the rumor that they aren’t writing her pregnancy into the story line. I still think they should write in her “hyper-sexuality” due to clandestine use of a certain anti-depressant which has that side effect that she’s been stealing from the hospital and for which she gets dismissed. Even brother Steve/Lars can’t save her from that.

    They also seem to be setting up Jason and Sam to take Jake when L&L completely melt down and (as if they haven’t already) and the news gets out that Jake isn’t Lucky’s kid after all (big surprise to everyone now! “Whoa! Did you hear that Liz’s been screwing somebody besides Lucky? And Nicholas? And Rick? And Zander? ).

    Jason loves the son he has never spent any time with (kind of like Nik and Spencer, Sonny and Kristina). Sam can’t have kids but wants kids. Jason is concerned about his killing people because of Franco’s threat and he gives up his job as Enforcer to become the maitre d’ at Polluzo’s – the two-table, three-bar-stool restaurant/front for Sonny’s massive criminal operation. He’s also the perfect bartender there because while he pours drinks, drunks can pour their hearts out to him ‘cuz “It’s none of my business.”

    • I’ll be over the moon if BH’s pregnancy doesn’t get written in this time. But that’s not enough to make me forgive this bullshit.

      The idea of Jason taking Jake away from Lucky now fills me with an unhealthy amount of rage.

      • Oh, there’s no way Lucky’s keeping Jake especially with Carly’s nose in the mix possibly forcing a paternity test. Liz is getting drummed out of the hospital for one reason or another and taking the kids, neither of which is Lucky’s, with her. Maybe to Pine Valley?

        For me, the real problem is that we tape the show to watch at night after the wife comes home and we play the “Jasonface” game. Every time the director says, “Freeze! And Scene!” and the camera is holding on Jason’s face we have to do a shot of schnapps. “He’s dead, Jim!”

  6. I hate the idea of Jason even taking Jake away from Lucky…but it they do go the storyline route it wouldn’t suprise me. However it might later be shown that he might actually be Lucky’s anyway.

    • It wouldn’t surprise me, because I expect this show to do the most enraging thing as a matter of course.

      As a Liason fan, the thought of Jake actually being Lucky’s after all shouldn’t appeal to me, but I’d much rather that than Jason getting Jake after all at this point. And especially rather than him leaving the mob to raise Jake with Sam when he wouldn’t make that sacrifice to raise him with Liz.

  7. Thank you for being pro Liz. I was beginning to think there were no more of us out there. All the nam ecalling got to me, I understand they want to make Lucky angry but to have him and the rest of Port Charles call Liz all these names is disgusting.
    Carly is the biggest hypocrite ever! Watching those scenes made me want to reach into my tv and strangle her!
    I am a Liz fan first and foremost but I can admit that sleeping with Nik while engaged to Lucky was a huge mistake, but everyone on the show seems to forget that they are all cheaters and liars as well!
    Lucky cheated on Liz with her sister and Maxie; Lulu cheated with Dillon while he was married to Georgie; Sam slept with her mothers husband, and everyone else on the show.
    So the fact that these women go around putting down Liz for what she has done makes them all hypocrites since they are all guilty of the same thing.

    Jason also really pissed me off. He has written Jake out of his life, so he should have no say about Jake whether or not Lucky and Liz are together. And to ask Sam what she thinks? Thats horrible, the woman watched your son get kidnapped and now he wants her opinion about who should raise him! I used to want Liason but the writers ruined it for me. I feel like they are trying to ruin Liz, but then I realized that they do it to every woman on the show. There is talk of Liz going to Shadybrook. Carly, Lulu, and Laura were all in Shadybrook but was there ever a man on the show that was committed there? I am beginning to agree with an article that stated GH is one of the most misogynistic tv shows on television.

    • It just strikes me as such a lack of imagination, that they can’t write anger at a woman on this show without resorting to the same tired insults. I don’t think it’s in character for Lucky to use that language, drunk or not. He is perfectly capable of making his feelings clear without calling her a bitch or a slut. And that’s on the writers.

      Granted, I love Liz, and even though I hate this story, that hasn’t changed. But I would be just as bullshit if everyone in town were throwing the same insults at Carly or Lulu or Sam. It’s just… gross. You know?

      What I wouldn’t give for someone to tell Sonny or Nikolas off for being a whore…

  8. The emotions that the writers are trying to portray through the actors are very hard to write for a medium where the average grade level intelligence is somewhere between fifth and ninth. While I have fun watching GH characters bashing each other, I feel bad for both Liz and Lucky.

    Lucky has been sucker punched. The reason he referenced the girl that Liz was, after the rape, is because he so desperately wanted somebody to need him for something. Teenagers are like that. His view of love was, “Let’s run off to NY and become artists and musicians.” That’s how fifteen year olds think and how he and Liz were written ten or twelve years ago. Sam is tough and independent, the “old” Maxie just a kid who didn’t know any better and, let’s get straight the history, Lucky was actively interested in Liz’s sister Sarah before Liz appeared as a character. Lucky is just now starting to grow up finally.

    Helena really messed with Lucky’s head when she induced the memory loss but the writers haven’t addressed this at all (or yet). Lucky would not have said any of those horrid, officious things if he hadn’t been drinking. “In vino veritas.” This is how a person kicked below the belt often reacts. I believe that Lucky’s “addiction” to pain medication was just something the writers threw in for drama. His alcohol problem is unrelated to his pill problem. Plenty of people get hooked on pain relief for a time after a physical trauma but aren’t addicts. As a plot point it’s too complicated to express. How many people do you know who take Valium, Prozac or some kind of anti-depressant (often two different kinds) daily? Are they addicted? His “drinking” plot will probably be written the way they always get written. For normal folks it’s bad to have a drink or four. Any more than that and it’s off to AA. Luke has had, what? Two major heart surgeries and still drinks like a fish. He’s not addicted. He just likes to drink. As a character the only thing Lucky has been shown to be really addicted to is Elizabeth.

    None of the writers has attempted to explain why Liz is so attracted to Nicholas because real lust can’t be explained away without delving into the human condition. In the animal kingdom female mammals are attracted to the strongest, most virile prospective mates. The ones that will be able to provide protection and a high level of comfort for the children. Nik is a handsome billionaire. Of course, she wants him. No one could possibly fault her for that. Except for everybody on the show. Neither of her children are Lucky’s progeny. Her inner torment between her with the two men can rightly and most likely drive her over the edge. If she needs to get psychiatric help she should get it.

    Have you noticed that some of the highly educated doctors on the show are addicted to something as low-brow, crass and environmentally destructive as auto racing and that at least one of the normal regular guy cops from Bensonhurst has a passion for opera? ‘Splain that one.

    • I’ve got no problem believing that both Luke and Lucky have substance abuse problems, so we’ll have to agree to disagree on that point.

      We’ll also have to disagree about whether or not the writers dropped the ball on setting up Liz’s attraction to Nik. In terms of “the human condition,” as you put it, regardless of whether I buy that physical attraction is tied into some primordial instinct to find providers for children (which, for the record, I do not), uncontrollable lust like that doesn’t just spring out of nowhere between people who’ve had a platonic, sibling-like relationship for over a decade.

      There was a perfect set up for Liz and Nik to grow closer together in the wake of Emily’s death, but the writers didn’t take advantage of that to build the connection in an organic manner. Chemistry is subjective, of course, but I can and have forgiven a lot of bad writing when it’s there. I don’t see it between Becky Herbst and Tyler Christopher at all. I don’t find their attraction to one another or sudden love convincing in any way, and I certainly don’t believe either would be willing to wreck their lives and relationship with Lucky over it.

      • I’m not saying that Liz’s lust is a conscious thing just that it can explain some of her behavior. A good argument concerning human sexual selection can be made that males are visual animals that select mates based on what females look like – full hipped, large chested women being able to bear and nurture children. And females choose mates based on what they perceive as the ability to father and protect progeny – strong, bold chested, virile and, yes, financially able to provide for children.

        But you are right. Liz and Nicholas have known each other a long time and if it was going to happen, should have happened before now. It took some extraneous circumstances (Nik’s continuing inability to let Emily go) and a bunch of tequila shooters and beer at Jake’s what, last March? to have that first kiss siting next to the pool table. There’s that alcohol thing again.

        Did you catch it when Carly was running down the guest list yesterday and said, “Coleman’s at a poker tournament somewhere,” and Jax immediately piped up, “Kate’s not available, either?” We see where this is going…

  9. It was a very sad day to hear a woman being written in a corner where after Claudia I get another bitch and whore. I understand his anger but she didn’t get that opportunity when he was banging Maxi in their house in their bed nor when he said he’d work things out with her and wound up in a hot-tub. She didn’t call him out….

    I will be glad when women can get the same 19 minute beat down. Oh well they are even now he banger her sister and she banged his brother. Poor Lucky and Elizabeth stuck in another wretched triangle hopefully this will be their end and they won’t have to go through another one where they are thrown under the bus…

    • Yeah, it’s not the anger that bothers me — he definitely has a right. It’s just the imbalance in how it’s displayed at women vs men on this show, over and over again. My only hope is that with JJ back, if Liz and Lucky are reunited again, it will be actually on screen this time, instead of an afterthought.

  10. Just to answer your question about why everyone assumes that Lucky will now drop out of the boys life…how else can we get Jason’s input on the situation? It’s not a storyline unless Jason has an interest in it. Although I agree it’s stupid and ridiculous…Lucky didn’t walk away from those boys for longer than like a day when he found out he wasn’t Jake’s bio dad (And hello…WAY better reason to walk away no?)…but this he is? When the agreement was made for Lucky to remain Jake’s father…he was dating Sam at the time….and both Jason and Liz knew Sam watched Jake’s kidnapping. So the whole notion that Lucky continuing to be Jake’s father was contigent only on LL2 staying together is doubly stupid when you realize at the time ….the show was bending over backwards to make us think Lucky and Sam were the worst of the worst and Lucky’s offer came off as a way to continue Jason’s secret pain more than anything.

    Of course I also realize this was for nothing more than to have yet another maddenign JAson/Lucky BFF-ship conversation where they basically stand around and go “you’re great!” ” no you are”

    • Call me crazy, but if the Jason had to be involved (and of course he did — of course), wouldn’t it make more sense for him to — I don’t know — talk to Liz? Mother of his child, woman he claimed to love not that long ago? Instead of discussing it with the man he last cuckolded with her?

      Except I forgot… we’re trying to pretend Liz and Jason never cared about each other at all right now. This effing show…

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