It’s like Groundhog day, but less subtle.

Religion juxtaposed with murder? Check. Wailing, vaguely New Age soundtrack? Check. Hitman smiling beneficently at a baby as a priest talks about the sanctity of life, NO IRONY INTENDED? Check, check, check.

Must be Friday in Port Charles.

You know, when even the characters can’t get through a church ceremony without commenting how lucky it is there wasn’t a shoot out — which is ironic, see, because there was a shoot out! Get it? GET IT? — well, that might be a sign that the creative well is running a little dry, Bob.

But I digress. It’s been nearly two years since we started on this crazy Dominante road trip. And, kids? We are finally there. Dominic is Dante! Ben is Glory! Up is down! Black is white! Murder is wrong! (No, really! More on that below.)

I can only pray that every reaction to this news will be as entertainingly over the top as Epiphany’s tray drop/double take. And I have especially high hopes for Sam’s response, given her last reaction to Sonny fathering yet another child:

But I digress again. Who could have guessed the writers had it in them to do a slow build like this anymore? And it is just so typical that they couldn’t manage to draw out a decent romance this long to save their lives, but throw in the possibility of letting Sonny shoot his own kid and suddenly they’re masters of patience.

Oh, whatever. The sad fact is that all of this might actually have been worth it just for Dominic Zamprogna, who’s really just delightful in every way (except for his awful, awful Farrah hair), and who is inexplicably allowed dialog like this:

DANTE: I don’t respect you– I despise you! […] You should pray, Sonny. Not for me, but for your kids. You pray they never see you the way I’m seeing you now, a cold-eyed bastard who would kill anyone to get whatever the hell he wants.

OH EM GEE, you guys. You know how truth-telling turns me on. Was that good for you too? And then, as if I wasn’t already hot and bothered enough, we got this:

SONNY: Our Father… that’s what you are, Holy Father. Forgives us, protects us, loves us. I’m a father too, and I love my kids more than anything in the whole world. And I try my– I try my best to do right by them. No, no, no, no… That’s a lie, Father. It’s not right to kill. And pulling a gun, pull the trigger on someone who saved your life. A brave man, a good man, who turns out to be your son. That’s not an accident. It’s your judgment on me for the live that I chose to live, that I would try to kill my own son.

First of all, the narcissism is — as always — breathtaking. Of course all of this has been all about him! Why wouldn’t God kill a good, brave man just to teach Sonny a lesson? It’s Sonny’s world, people! We just live in it.

But still: killing… is wrong? Cops… can be brave and good? WHO IS THIS MAN, AND WHAT HAS HE DONE WITH SONNY?

Granted, like all of Sonny’s tragedy-related epiphanies, he will promptly forget this revelation before the blood has dried. And just in case he doesn’t, everyone he knows will no doubt be knocking themselves out to reassure him that he’s the best father on the planet and not a single part of this mess is his fault. Because this show is ass, and the people who make it hate me.

But in the meantime, I’m going to let sweet, sweet schadenfreude wash over me like a rain of salty hatred. Tastes good, doesn’t it?

Finally, speaking of hate, here’s Carly:

CARLY: Well, I blame Elizabeth for all this.
LUKE: Well, you might not be in a position to throw stones — given all the men and marriages with your tire tracks across their back. Now, that’s not criticism. It’s just a caution not to judge.

Oh, Luke. Sometimes you make me forget how much you suck. This is one of those times. Slow clap, baby.

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16 thoughts on “It’s like Groundhog day, but less subtle.

  1. My favorite line was when Sonny told Olivia he didn’t know where the towels were. What? Does Graciella stand outside the shower every morning and hand him a clean towel when he gets out?

    Paula

    • Yeah, that was just… weird. Maybe he doesn’t take showers. Max and Milo just hose him down in the yard every now and then.

  2. I wish I could have enjoyed Sonny’s realization that he made his own mess. Alas, I know it will not last and therefore it just irritated the hell out of me.
    Also, I am now bracing myself for Dante to stop being a cop because somehow he realizes that Sonny is the good guy and the work he’s been doing all his life is meaningless…or something god awful like that. It is clear that they are going to claim that Dante decided not to press charges on Sonny for shooting him point blank in the chest and that is why he continues to walk around PC fancy free. I don’t think they quite get the judicial system. I pretty certain that if there is proof that you tried to kill someone a prosecutor decides to charge you with attempted murder, not the victim. I don’t think it is procedure for them to be like, “Oops, his bad. But he really didn’t mean it. He’s actually a good guy.” and Dante being an undercover cop makes that possible plot point even more insulting. I’m sure his superiors are just thinking he somehow got shot accidentally by the guy who he was doing undercover work on. It is a total coincidence!

  3. This story has now ruined Max, Milo, and Spinelli for me. Actually, the Claudia coverup already ruined Max and Milo, but I was willing to cut some slack there. No more. Sick to my stomach.

    • Fortunately — or unfortunately — all three of those characters consistently annoy the crap out of me, so I had no affection to ruin. On the bright side — now you have more people to fast forward through?

      • I have no issue with Max (or Milo for that matter) being written as a thug with a heart of gold mostly because he is written as comic relief. They just do what they’re told driving Sonny around, leaning on other thugs, whacking an occasional knee cap and servicing Diane. Kason’s the one who supposedly does all the wetwork.

        Spinelli, on the other hand, has genuine usable real world skills that could put him very high up in any one of Port Chuck’s legitimate enterprises making a boatload of legal income. Why Jax or Edward or Nicholas or even the PCPD haven’t tried to hire him makes no sense. Maybe he doesn’t need the money. Maybe he’s daytrading pennystocks on the market, or using his computer skills to do automatic overnight trades buying and selling oil futures and putting that boatload in an offshore account getting ready to take over ELQ. There’d be a good storyline!

        • Heh. Why would Spinelli need money? He lives with Jason rent-free, doesn’t need or want a car or his own furniture, isn’t interested in any electronics other than his laptop, and he certainly doesn’t spend it on clothes. The only place he’s goes out to is a dive bar… he’s set.

          (I wouldn’t mind Max or Milo as comic relief if I actually found them funny. Since I don’t, their presence as anything other than background thugs is painful. Thankfully, FF really does save a lot of grief.)

  4. Like there isn’t a 1/2 bath of the foyer of Sonny’s manse! And sure, all the guards are gone, for some reason, to the christening, but the household help doesn’t hear the shot and wonder what’s going on? That place much be huge!

    What we really laughed at was how Olivia managed to take Danic’s suit coat off and neatly fold it and lay it over the chair next to where he was laying on the floor. “Dante, honey, I know you’ve been shot and I shouldn’t move you but I really need to take your coat off. It’s going to hurt only a little more than it already does.” Ring, ring….

    Why wasn’t he wearing the Kevlar, again? And he’s a heavy in Sonny’s org. Where was his gun? The schadenfreude is watching the writers swirl around the watercloset bowl.

    Been a tough week around the nurse’s station considering the head floor nurse regularly takes everybody to task for their behavior. I’m a little ticked off that the writers have stereotyped (stereotypified?) Epiphany. They could have stopped that by pulling back just a little and showing a couple more nurses with the same reaction.

    I loved the two uniform cops sitting down next to Sonny, doing and, for some reason, saying absolutely nothing. Allowing him to get up and walk around as if the major crime boss in town might not be a suspect in a shooting even if no one yet knows that Monte is an undercover cop.

    • I couldn’t figure out what those two cops were even doing there, since they didn’t seem to be interested in questioning anyone. I also can’t believe that Olivia wouldn’t have told the EMTs and the cops that Sonny is the one who shot her son, except I can totally believe that, because this show hates me. But seriously… why would she still be protecting Sonny, if this was a world that in any way made sense?

  5. I am waiting for everyone to start blaming Olivia myself. All hope for Sonny was lost when he stated that had he known Dante was his son he wouldn’t have shot him. The cop thing didn’t seem to phase him at all. As for Sonny’s umpteenth talk with God in the hospital chapel…how the hospital hasn’t exploded with all the lightening strikes is just a testiment to good lightening rods. Dante was already starting to soften towards Sonny so….hating him forever is out.

    Why don’t we talk about how Spinelli didn’t seem to be bothered he was helping plan a murder of an undercover cop until it dawned on him that Lulu was involved with him? Cause that was fun…….or something like it!

    I wish I could applaud Luke’s new concern for his children but since I can’t see anything other than Tony Geary deciding now he can be bothered to act…I can’t. I don’t buy it. Not without some onscreen admittance that roughly 99% of Luke’s issues with his children are his own fault and the show stops trying to act like the last decade of being a deadbeat horrific father didn’t happen.

    • I’ve got a countdown to Olivia getting called a “whore” over this. Bonus points if the writers can make Dante say it. I will vomit with rage, believe me…

      Spinelli’s particular brand of moral relativism has always made me crazy. Symptom of the whole show’s bass ackwards worldview… same with Sonny not caring he shot a cop as long as they’re not related. I really don’t think we’re supposed to find that disturbing. Like I said, I’m sure his brief epiphany will be instantly forgotten — no one remembers anything on this show. Remember when Jason decided he wouldn’t kill anymore, before Franco came to town? Yeah, that really lasted all of five minutes…

  6. I was hoping that Olivia would have a reaction more fitting for finding her son shot. I pictured Natalie Wood in WestSide Story, when the rival gang killed Tony, and they went to give their condolences. Instead, she was way too calm. She even let Sonny touch Dante, and commented for him not to let Dante die when she answered the door for the paramedics. I guess I will have to just be thankful for Lulu to give Dante the drama that he deserves.

    • I know, I was hoping she would scream at him not to touch Dante, but then, the way the writers make her around Sonny has always driven me nuts. I liked her today, though.

  7. Well I must admit I am especially jealous of this little posting. Funny, honest, thoughtful. Everything mine wasn’t (I just went off on the bastards)I would be jealous if it weren’t so darn good. Have you seen the Twitter posts? Mine has been lit up with Sonny fans all singing his praises and one even went as far as to say that criminals kill cops, its their job so you accept it. Why is Gh so Sonny is King? That comment right there would be why and it is sad. Not one person that commented said that what Sonny did was wrong regardless of Olivia’s lie. It saddens me, it really does.

    • Oh, lord… no, I’ve missed all of that, and it’s probably better for my blood pressure that I have. To be honest, the Twitter stuff is all Incandescentflower. She’s our official Twitter correspondent. Heh. I don’t check in over there very often — anytime there’s a tweet from us, it’s her.

      (Also, wow, thanks! I was half asleep last night, so I’m just glad it was coherent. :-)

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