It’s a well known scientific fact that whenever this show pleases us enough to write some really enthusiastic praise, we’re always punished for our optimism with something extra enraging shortly thereafter. So when the TiVo summary for Friday’s episode proclaimed “Olivia and Dante lie to protect Sonny,” my reaction wasn’t exactly what you’d call shocked.
(… my reaction was also to promptly spend some time getting caught up on Burn Notice and Leverage instead. Criminals who are treated like heroes because they break the law to help people? What a novel concept!)
Sadly, this morning, I could put GH off no longer. And within the first minute, Olivia said this to Mac and Ronnie:
The only thing clear and simple that I’m seeing here, is the two of you chomping at the bit to arrest Sonny for shooting Dante. And I don’t think I can help you.
Aaaaaand it all went down hill from there…
What I’m seeing right here? It confirms everything that Sonny ever told me about you guys. That you’re more concerned about throwing a net over him that you are about throwing a net over anyone else, including Dante.
Yeah, why do the police have to show such unseemly enthusiasm for arresting cop killers? What’s wrong with them? If they were really good people, they’d show some compassion for the guy who tried to kill their colleague and friend. Olivia, on the other hand, like any good mother who loves her son more than life itself, doesn’t want his attempted murderer punished in any way. Because that would be mean.
And she’s not alone in the crazy, of course. So, Dante’s official story is that he accidentally shot himself in the chest from five feet away, which is quite a trick. But you see, Sonny going down for shooting a cop wouldn’t be “clean,” because it was totally entrapment! And he’s already on the hook for another murder, so why make the case even stronger?
(Yeah, I don’t even know…)
Luckily for him, we know from Robin and Patrick’s earlier adventures in medical murder investigation that Port Charles doesn’t seem to have a functioning forensics department. So petty details like gun powder residue on the actual shooter’s hands or angle of impact won’t matter.
The one bright spot in all this has been Lulu’s continuing disgust with the thought that Sonny might get away with it all:
LULU: So Sonny lucks out again. How does he do it? I mean, it’s got to be a gift to be able to hypnotize the people you hurt the most into covering your ass.
How awesome has she gotten all of the sudden? Lulu wouldn’t spit on Sonny if he were on fire right now! I think I want to have her babies, for real.
But, wait! Olivia has an answer for everything, so no worries:
OLIVIA: Don’t think Sonny’s getting off clean on this, without any consequences. He shot his own son. The guilt is going to eat him up alive.
Right. Well, as we all know, in the criminal justice system, we don’t prosecute criminals who feel really, really bad about what they’ve done. Isn’t that the way that works?
BTW, I love this idea that guilt is the worst punishment for Sonny — because his guilt over getting Lily blown up, or Brenda shot at, or Alexis’ sister blown up, or his kids kidnapped, or Kate shot (twice!), or Michael shot and put in a coma… has really had such a lasting effect on his behavior.
I… hate this show, you guys. So, so much.
Then, of course, there’s Jax and Carly’s umpteenth fight about one of them lying, and also, how Jax is clearly the worst person in the world:
JAX: Can you look me in the eye and tell me that Sonny’s business hasn’t been an on-going threat to our family?
CARLY: So what? It’s awful. It’s terrible. But if you couldn’t take it, you never should have married me!
Much as it pains me to side with Carly on anything, she’s got one thing right: Jax should never have married her. She was exactly the same selfish, morally bankrupt, mob apologist then as she is now, and he knew when he saw her walking down the aisle that she would cheerfully risk her children’s lives and sell their innocence on a daily basis in order to keep Sonny and Jason in her life. So that’s totally his bad.
Nevertheless, this response is a thing of beauty:
JAX: Come on, Carly. Are you serious? Sonny may not have swung the axe handle at Claudia, but he’s killed plenty! And let’s not forget he’s the one who created the events that led to the cabin that night. Hell, he’s not some innocent here! He’s a criminal! He shot a cop that tried to arrest him — I mean what more proof do you need?
AHAHAHAHA! Oh, Jax. It’s so cute that you think any amount of “proof” would be enough to change Carly’s mind about Sonny at this point in the game. He put Michael in a coma for a year and she gave him the parental equivalent of a time out! You think him shooting a kid that isn’t even hers is going to make a difference?
Lest you think my heart completely cold and dead, however, I will say that I was genuinely touched by Morgan’s visit to Dante’s hospital bed.
Aaron Refvem is quite the little actor! There are several adults on this show who couldn’t muster tears as convincing as the ones he was sporting when he told Dante he’s glad they’re brothers.
It also doesn’t hurt that he and Dominic Zamprogna have terrific sibling chemistry. Or that for once, the writers have managed to build a relationship that’s actually been earned.
Yes, I might have sniffled a bit at this point in the proceedings:
Oh, shut up.