Heaven is a place on Earth… where I never want to shop for clothes.

So,  in the interest of my continuing sanity, I haven’t been watching any of Sonny’s trial. Because let’s face it:

1) The results are a foregone conclusion,

2) Sonny makes me physically ill, and —

3) General Hospital trials regularly strain credulity so far past the breaking point that they actually make the rest of the show’s portrayal of the legal system — where mob hitmen solve more crimes than the police do, two former mob attorneys can be DA, and women can be arrested for soliciting on the basis of… renting a hotel room with a man — seem reasonable and sane.

Fortunately, my fast forward finger wasn’t quick enough on the draw yesterday, and I ended up tuning in long enough to hear this:

JUDGE: What just took place in this courtroom was a mockery of jurisprudence, an open and egregious assault on the rule of law, and I hold all the participants equally responsible.

Well, you heard it, folks! Straight from the horse’s Bob Guza’s mouth. I… really couldn’t top that for commentary.

Elsewhere in Port Charles, the writers remembered that, hey! Maxie Jones has some health issues! And she also used to have a beloved sister! Who they killed off in a cheap ratings stunt! And who’s memory can now be exploited for maximum cheese value!

I could go on another long rant here about this show’s wasteful tendency to kill of young, female legacy characters in the stupidest ways possible and then later resurrect them in a fit of killer’s remorse in the most dramatically unsatisfying, ghostly/previously-unknown-evil-twin form possible.

But instead, I’d really like to bring up another issue, which is the apparent lack of fashion taste in Heaven, judging by ghost!Alan’s tracksuits and… whatever that thing is trying climb up the side of poor, long-suffering, otherwise absolutely lovely Lindze Letherman’s head:

I mean, really. I know that back when she was alive, the wardrobe department always made it their business to give Georgie the worst little girl style clothing they could — perhaps in an effort to disguise LL’s rather prodigious and un-childlike bosom. But the girl is dead now. She was murdered by a text-message wielding zombie. Can we not afford her just a little more dignity in ghost-form at least? Please?

Anyway, because my heart and soul have not (yet!) been completely murdered by this show, I admit I sniffled a little when she and Maxie had their tearful dream reunion. Of course, because in the version of the show which exists only in my head, Georgie’s death was actually faked because of some WSB business and she’s alive and well and solving crimes with her parents at the moment, I’m going to treat this as merely the hallucination it is. But still, it was nice to see the sisters together again, even if it was mostly in the service of propping the neverending Maxie/Spinelli relationship trainwreck.

This effing show, you guys.

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5 thoughts on “Heaven is a place on Earth… where I never want to shop for clothes.

  1. Well there was a time when Lila talked to Edward’s ghost and then Edward came back to life. I think that was when I watched it as a kid, so I have no idea how they explained that one away, but I’m sure they could come up with something to bring Lindze back!

    Honestly, seeing her was more of an eff you than anything to me. They keep getting rid of actors I like and making it pretty clear that people like Nathan Parsons are never going anywhere. I don’t hate him like I did in the beginning, but him or Drew Garrett? I wouldn’t even have to think about it for two seconds. DG hands down. How is it that Guza is still running this place?

    I understand why you aren’t watching Sonny’s trial, but watching Johnny yell at him has been really awesome. He is so hot…and soon to be dead I’m sure, but really, really hot.

    • I did actually tune in for part of Johnny yelling at him. And you’re right, it was pretty beautiful. Johnny and I are on the same wavelength right now about pretty much everything. Too bad he’s super doomed.

      The only issue I have is that once again we have someone rightly calling Sonny out for something he’s actually done… and then weakening the criticism by throwing in an accusation of something he didn’t actually do. Thereby allowing the writers to conveniently overlook the first point and turn the entire narrative into another Sonny-as-martyr vehicle. All of which is a long-winded way of saying: YOU DON’T NEED TO HIT A WOMAN TO ABUSE HER, WRITERS.

      I suspect I’ll be ranting about that further after today’s episode, though, so…

      • Yeah when Alexis was telling Kristina that Sonny had never abused a woman, I was like: ……????

        I can’t really think of what Alexis could say in that situation because I understand that her motivation would be to try to make Kristina feel better, but if anyone was awake during the Claudia/Sonny marriage (yes, there were probably at least TWO people) it was clear Sonny was abusive. Just because Claudia was manipulative, crazy and pretty much an awful person, doesn’t make that fact less true.

        And yeah, the stuff about him hitting her was annoying. It didn’t even make sense in terms of Johnny’s characterization. He is actually one of the only honest characters on the show. *sigh* Well, not anymore, apparently.

    • Sonny coming to terms with the fact that he’s been emotionally abusive to just about every woman he’s ever claimed to love would actually be an interesting and gripping story. Too bad the writers aren’t really clear on that concept themselves.

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