I think I’ve been too hard on the General Hospital writers, you guys. It’s not that they’re criminally incompetent and morally depraved! Well, it is, but the point is that’s not their fault. Because they’re space aliens! Literally!
That’s my new theory, anyway, because only someone from another planet could spit out dialog this out of touch with reality:
DANTE: I should be happy, right? I mean, justice served?
LULU: That’s certainly an option.
DANTE: I don’t know, is it? I mean if I want to do the honorable thing here, how can I let Sonny go down for a crime he didn’t commit?
See, it wasn’t “honorable” to take Sonny down for a crime he definitely committed. That would have been been “overkill.” (Allow me to paraphrase Spike from Buffy: the Vampire Slayer when I say: Overkill? No, I think it’s JUST ENOUGH KILL.) But I guess criminal investigations are like blackjack — you want to collect as much evidence as possible, but don’t go over the limit! Too much evidence and you lose, suckers!
Now it turns out it’s also not honorable to let him go down for killing Claudia, even though everyone — including Sonny! — admits that he’s already gotten away with killing too many other people to count, and even though he may not technically have swung the ax handle, but he sure as hell was directly responsible for every circumstance that lead to both Claudia and Michael doing what they did that night.
In essence: the show is saying there is no circumstance in which it would be honorable for Sonny to go to prison.
“All right, Tenillypo,” you might be saying. “That’s infuriating but nothing new. Show me something that’s more than just garden variety General Hospital nuttery.”
Well, your wish is my command, dear readers:
SPINELLI: I remember the day of Josslyn’s christening. I was aware that Stone Cold and Mister Sir were planning Dante’s demise, and there was Lulu, so worried about Dante. And yet I said nothing.
MAXIE: Do you regret that?
SPINELLI: No. I’m of the belief that what’s set in motion has to take its due course without outside interference. And when the stakes are higher for others than they can ever be for you, sometimes the most prudent choice is just to do nothing.
So, first of all… space aliens, right? Right? I have to believe that, otherwise MY HEAD MIGHT EXPLODE.
You know, if Spinelli just flat out admitted, “I’ve made my bed, I’ve picked my side, and I’m sticking with Jason and Sonny, no matter what,” that would be one thing. I’d still rant about it (let’s be honest here), but it would at least make a modicum of sense in terms of his characterization thus far.
But instead, he’s trying to justify it with some sort of Prime Directive for mobsters. Except rather than protecting the evolution of less technologically advanced cultures, it’s a code designed to specifically protect the rights of murdering thugs to kill anyone who might get in the way of their murderous thuggery.
I mean, WHAT? Even setting aside the fact that that is THE WORST JUSTIFICATION EVER for allowing an innocent man to be murdered — (“Oh, I’m sorry, officer, I was going to call 911 when I saw that building on fire, but I realized it wouldn’t be right to interfere with events set in motion. Sorry!”) — it’s also clearly an enormous load of horseshit in terms of the way Spinelli lives his life. Non-interference? Oh, my GOD, he is the king of butting his floppy, interfering head into everyone else’s business! How many times has he “interfered” with events set in motion by Franco or Jerry Jacks or Alcazar? Or hey, how many times did he interfere with Jason and Elizabeth’s plans for their own freaking baby? Spinelli does NOTHING BUT attempt to interfere with events other people have set in motion.
Except, of course, when those events involve his friends planning to murder someone. Then it’s all “oh, hands off, gotta let events take their course!”
How effing convenient.
But according to the show, this is a perfectly reasonable response. “Murder: if you’re friends are doing it, it must be okay!” This message has been brought to you by the writers of General Hospital. WHO ARE SPACE ALIENS.
Not convinced yet? I have one more piece of evidence to present. Karen Harris may be a lovely, intelligent person, but she is either lying through her teeth in this interview or she does not exist on the same plane of reality as I do:
Harris told examiner, ‘It’s really hard to keep a villain going and have your main characters – your heroes – not become weaker as a result. You fall in love with a villain … but ultimately, somebody’s gotta lose. It’s not going to be Sonny (Maurice Benard), Jason (Steve Burton), Carly (Laura Wright), or Luke (Tony Geary), that’s for sure. It’s a very difficult line to walk.
Someone like Jerry Jacks (Sebastian Roche) on the other hand, is more complicated to write. You want him to be a genuine threat, but you can’t have Jason look weak when Jerry continues to survive. So you have to finesse Jerry slipping through the cracks and escaping for a while. (Head Writer) Bob Guza comes up with amazing ways of keeping these people alive and a threat.’
‘General Hospital’ fans appreciate the brilliant and natural element of humor on the show. ‘Bob (Guza) is really good at getting quirky and funny ‘bad guys’ …. It just tickles him so much,’ Harris laughed.
No. Words. NO WORDS!
Space aliens. I rest my case.