This blog has been pretty quiet lately.
For my part, that’s because I’ve been pretty good about fast forwarding through anything that looks either boring or Sonny-related. And the rest of the show has actually been — dare I say it? — mildly entertaining. (No, seriously — Carly’s soapy scheming! Dante and Lulu continuing to redefine adorable! Jason and Michael’s ridiculous prison-time fight club adventures!)
But today, I accidentally caught Max’s heartfelt angst over his failure to Michael as a surrogate uncle. Well, okay. Fair enough. After all, during Max’s distinguished tenure as his bodyguard, Michael has:
– Been kidnapped
– Shot a woman and left the scene without even calling an ambulance
– Been shot in the head and spent a year in a coma
– Driven drunk
– Run away from home (twice!)
– Killed his step-mother because Max allowed her to kidnap Carly
– Been spirited away from Max’s protective custody to face trial
– Gone to prison for a crime Max was supposed to cover up
To put this in perspective: I am a librarian. And if I wanted to be as bad at my job as Max is at his? I’D HAVE TO BURN THE DAMN LIBRARY DOWN.
The point being, Max has some serious reasons to feel massively guilty over Michael’s fate right now. So are any of the things on that long list of failure what’s driving him to drink?
MAX: He’d been in a coma for a year. He felt left behind. He was worried all the other guys had it over on him, experiencing girls and… sex. But Michael got a DUI on his birthday and told him I would not get him a prostitute while he was grounded.
DIANE: What a good disciplinarian you are.
(Love to Carolyn Hennesy for her line reading on that response, by the way.)
So, just to recap: Max feels like a failure as a guardian to this young boy he’s helped raise for most of his short and tragedy-filled life… because he never had the chance to buy him a hooker for his birthday. And this is played as half light-hearted farce/half serious angst.
I just… I don’t even know, you guys. I really don’t.