Not enough WTF in the world…

This blog has been pretty quiet lately.

For my part, that’s because I’ve been pretty good about fast forwarding through anything that looks either boring or Sonny-related. And the rest of the show has actually been — dare I say it? — mildly entertaining. (No, seriously — Carly’s soapy scheming! Dante and Lulu continuing to redefine adorable! Jason and Michael’s ridiculous prison-time fight club adventures!)

But today, I accidentally caught Max’s heartfelt angst over his failure to Michael as a surrogate uncle. Well, okay. Fair enough. After all, during Max’s distinguished tenure as his bodyguard, Michael has:

– Been kidnapped
– Shot a woman and left the scene without even calling an ambulance
– Been shot in the head and spent a year in a coma
– Driven drunk
– Run away from home (twice!)
– Killed his step-mother because Max allowed her to kidnap Carly
– Been spirited away from Max’s protective custody to face trial
– Gone to prison for a crime Max was supposed to cover up

To put this in perspective: I am a librarian. And if I wanted to be as bad at my job as Max is at his? I’D HAVE TO BURN THE DAMN LIBRARY DOWN.

The point being, Max has some serious reasons to feel massively guilty over Michael’s fate right now. So are any of the things on that long list of failure what’s driving him to drink?


MAX: He’d been in a coma for a year. He felt left behind. He was worried all the other guys had it over on him, experiencing girls and… sex. But Michael got a DUI on his birthday and told him I would not get him a prostitute while he was grounded.
DIANE: What a good disciplinarian you are.

(Love to Carolyn Hennesy for her line reading on that response, by the way.)

So, just to recap: Max feels like a failure as a guardian to this young boy he’s helped raise for most of his short and tragedy-filled life… because he never had the chance to buy him a hooker for his birthday. And this is played as half light-hearted farce/half serious angst.

I just… I don’t even know, you guys. I really don’t.


12 thoughts on “Not enough WTF in the world…

  1. I’m glad you posted about this. It was beyond ridiculous. I wonder if this is all a part of trying to make this Michael appear older than the Drew Garrett version? Instead of having Michael’s sexuality actually be part of the storyline, they throw in this crap and call it building a story where Michael confuses his rape with sexuality. Granted, I’m not at all convinced that they are going to actually say Michael was raped. And I’m fairly certain that if they try to do that story it will be a train wreck and a half. I do think that the Michael in prison storyline could have contributed to Drew’s departure. I have a hard time imagining his little frame in that prison scenario. However, I don’t know if the show runners are sensitive enough to realize that that image would be problematic for people. Maybe I’m giving them more credit than they deserve on this one.

    • I get the feeling they wanted to throw the rape thing out there without fully committing to it, just in case it turned out to be unpopular. (God only know WHY they might suspect that seeing an 18 year old kid we watched grow up — rapidly — being raped in prison might not go over well, but…)

      For myself, unless we get hard confirmation that he wasn’t, I’m going to assume he was. Because… come on now. That was really heavy-handed, for all of the lack of commitment. Hmm… I sense another OZ post coming up…

      • Oh yeah, it seems pretty clear to me. But like you, I think the writers want an out and so I don’t trust they will follow through. We shall see…

  2. I have felt for YEARS now that despite Guza’s many attempts to the contray there is no one more incompent in Port Charles than Sonny’s vaunted body guards. You add in Michael’s original body guard Johnny letting him get kidnapped when Carly turned her back for like a split second in a hotel lobby and it’s no wonder Michael was able to grow up into MyKill.

    and while I do think they are being coy on the was Michael raped angle just to get people buzzing and talking about them….and I know the show was sorta aiming for humor with this scene…it was just incredibly poor taste to underline that Michael is a virgin in prision when a rough majority of the viewers left are thinking the kid was raped. Especially considering the last time they trotted down the male rape road…they had Carly and Jason laughing hysterically over the idea that Jax could have possibly been raped…clearly he had willingly cheated on Carly with his kidnapper who chained him spread eagle on the bed. If the show is ever going to stop with the “was he or wasn’t he” shitck….we know Michael will confide in the bestest of the bestest Jason and I won’t beleive a single second of him feeling horrible or rage or anything else. All i’ll see is the giggle fit he had over the mere idea of male rape.

    • I’d go as far as to say that at least half of the calamities in Port Charles over the past fifteen years wouldn’t have happened if Sonny didn’t have such incompetent thugs.

      (Oh, of course, Jason will take Michael’s rape seriously when he laughed at Jax’s — everyone knows that women can’t rape men, silly!)

      (No, seriously, I’m pretty sure Guza actually thinks that, and it really makes me ill.)

  3. Carly is being very careful with Spinelli to portray Dante as the villain in the Mike-going-to-jail scenario. He has to get Lulu out of Dante’s clutches. As well she should be because Lulu is the original blonde one. If Spin finally crawls out of his funk about Jason going to prison and comes to his senses about why Michael was really there, he may put 2+2 together and realize that, for some completely undefineable reason, Carly is trying to punish Lulu, also.

    If he does, the Lord of Cyberspace can quickly throw a masive spanner into Carly’s hotel operation. She should not be messing with the Jackal.

    • I lost any small amount of faith I might have had in Spinelli’s moral compass when he explained that he was willing to let an undercover cop be murdered because he didn’t think it was right to “interfere” with events that were already underway. I doubt that when push comes to shove, he’ll have the balls to go up against “The Valkyrie”. Although I’d be kind of entertained to see him try.

  4. Even though I have stopped watching GH for the time being. The final straw for me was when both Carly and Jason got on their high horses and blamed Dante for all Michael’s problems. I thought I was going to throw up. But I still love coming to Despair and reading your musings. Keep up the excellent work!

  5. Oh, how I’ve missed you guys. I haven’t been watching for almost a month, but I couldn’t take depriving myself from your blog anymore, so I totally read this with no prior knowledge of the episode(s) you’re referring to. Thanks for the hysterical laughter that ensued when I read your commentary. I don’t even know what to think re: the possibility of Michael being raped in prison…it’s disturbing to me and I don’t know that I could handle that…I haven’t quite decided if I feel like watching the episodes that I’ve missed. But I’m starting to realize that I could maybe just read your posts and be entertained without having to be subjected to that tripe on a daily or weekly basis. If only Dante & Lulu didn’t exist right now….

    But WOW – the exchange between Max and Diane was ridiculous…just WOW. I’m glad you brought this up, because I’ve been going on forever about how stupid it is that Max and Milo have been a part of anything in the big bad Corinthos organization….they are pretty much Laurel & Hardy and bring nothing productive to the table. All the points you listed are bang-on. Seriously, I’m wondering if I should just abandon the show and make you guys my sole GH source. But I don’t really see myself giving up my poison altogether…

    • Trust me, now is not the time to start watching again, with the return of Franco looming. Save yourself the pain and wait until August, when at least Vanessa Marcil’s prettiness will be there to soothe the horror of whatever they’re going to do with her character.

      (You are actually not the first person to mention having given up the show completely lately. I envy you all, I really do.)

      The Michael rape thing has been (shocker!) bungled completely. They’re half-assing it by trying to hedge their bets, and the ambiguity really annoying. Dante and Lulu are love, and there’s an awful lot of Sonny bashing going on right now, but on the whole? You’re not missing much.

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