If you do, you’re already way ahead of Sonny!
MAX: You kill Johnny, your sons become targets.
SONNY: You don’t think that’s on my mind 24/7, Max?
THE REST OF THE PLANET: … is he trying to be funny?
Since anyone who has ever experienced Guza’s brand of dramatic irony before and anyone who remembers Clink/Boom can see where Sonny trying to kill his daughter’s “lover” with a bomb is headed from a mile away, I’m not even going to waste my time spelling out how stupid this all is.
Except that once again, I feel the need to point out to one of the brain trusts on the Corinthos/Morgan team that if even Max can see the OBVIOUS FLAWS in a thing you’re planning? Then maybe — just maybe — YOU SHOULD THINK ABOUT NOT DOING THAT THING.
(I feel like this could become an effective litmus test for people of Port Charles. Take your secret plan to Max! If it’s so stupid that even the dude who recently thought it would be a great idea to buy a seventeen year old a hooker for his birthday can see it’s a plan doomed to failure… time to give it up and go get drunk instead.)
Kristina should clearly be one of the first to take him up on this valuable service, as girlfriend has lost her ever-loving little mind lately. Not that I necessarily blame her, because just dealing with Sonny on my tv screen has nearly driven me to desperate lengths. (Instead of pretend seduction, has anyone thought to suggest blogging as an outlet for her teenage rebellion? It works wonders for rage, truly.)
I did find it a little jarring to hear her mention going to therapy three times a week and realize that neither of her rational parental figures — and by that I mean Alexis and Sam, of course — has suggested even once that the right way to deal with this whole Johnny situation might involve some consultation with Kristina’s freaking therapist.
(Also jarring in that scene? The way Ethan’s ponytail, perhaps finally disgusted to the breaking point by its own extreme fugliness, has recently begun a valiant escape attempt:
I mean, really. What’s that all about? Are the stylists trying to punish poor Nathan Parsons for crimes unknown? The audience, because we deserve what we get for still watching? Themselves, for still working on this crappy show? Whatever the reason: make it stop, I BEG YOU. My eyes cannot unsee the horror!)
But I digress.
I’d like to see Kristina working through her issues with a qualified professional for a lot of reasons, but most of all because this fake boyfriend mess has really been testing my love of Johnny. But he won me back on Friday by repeatedly turning her down while employing the phrases “we don’t live in a magic snow globe!” and “where, on planet crazy?” to do so.
He also inspired Olivia to come over and do this…
… for which I really cannot thank him enough. Love you, John!
Elsewhere in The Chuckles, Brook Lynn’s meeting with Michael was one of those great, awkward moments that could only ever exist in soaps, where it’s totally normal to have two characters who were both born in the same year reminiscing about how one used to babysit the other, back when she was a teenager and he was five due to previous SORASing… even though current SORASing means they should rightfully be the same age again:
BROOK LYNN: You probably don’t remember me. I’m Brook Lynn, I’m your cousin. I used to babysit you.
MICHAEL: It’s been a long time. You look, uh… different.
Actually, Michael, she looks exactly the same as she did four years ago. You, however, have aged about twenty years in the space of two, so I can see how that might be messing with your memory a bit.
Apparently his mom’s memory is a little shaky these days too:
CARLY: If we just would have stopped for one minute the night Claudia died and thought, just thought… I don’t know. We would have saved ourselves a lot of grief.
JAX’S FACE: Is that the royal “we”? Because the way I remember it, I told you that night that this cover up was the stupides–
JAX’S BRAIN: shutupshutupshutup!
CARLY: … even though I’m still mad at your methods, it would be very hypocritical for me to be so mad. I think there’s enough fault here to bear.
Yes, Carly. It would be hypocritical for you to be so mad that you would, oh, say… concoct a madcap plan to frame a good cop and get him sent to prison for life, when his well-intentioned actions represented the very last and tiniest rung on the very long ladder of blame that your son climbed to get to prison.
Thank God you’re just so much more self-aware than that now.