Trifecta of Suck.

Hello, readers! I’ve been MIA for a while due to life stuff. Moving, vacation, fun summer TV — all have kept me busy and it’s been hard to find time to post. I think the last time I posted, I actually thought the show was 55% enjoyable and only 45% hair-pullingly awful.

This, of course, meant that we were due for something pretty horrid.

And here we are, back where we always knew we would be. Somehow, in three and a half minutes, the show brought together three of the worst moments on all year:

1) The return of Franco. This really needs no explanation. James Franco gnawing on the scenery — while  sometimes hilarious — is not nearly enough entertainment to tolerate any plot revolving around this character. It is contrived, ridiculous and NOT ENTERTAINING.

2) The crappiest redux of clink/boom that ever crapped. This was so obvious that I’m not sure why the writers even bothered putting us through this exercise. It was clear when they mentioned that the bomb would be set off  by the remote keyless entry (WTF!?! Could there be a more incompetent plan?!?) that this was going to be a near miss and change nothing. Hey, writers? Instead of wasting our time with a recycled plot with a foregone conclusion that won’t change the characters at all, how about you guys spend that time on Johnny and Olivia making out, or Dante and Lulu being cute? Neither of those things has a point either, but at least they’re actually enjoyable to watch.

3) The moment of soap sex that made me feel more gross than Carly and Sonny in the limo. Trust me, that is saying A LOT. I’d like to thank the writers for making Patrick a selfish, unsympathetic character who I can barely look at. I used to look at him and drool. Now I want to vomit. Why would Robin forgive this? Yes, she took off to go to another country for an extended period of time, which… makes no sense and is kind of awful when you have an infant child. However, that is in no way a reason to cheat. So why did Patrick sleep with Lisa? Because he got drunk? Because he doesn’t like to be super-stable married guy? Waaaah. Stop being such a fucking baby and grow the fuck up. Talk your issues through with your wife. Go to therapy. Take responsibility for your own life, respect the people you supposedly love, and keep your dick in your pants.

The worst part is that this is only the beginning of the crapfest. These plots are all just gearing up. Whatever happened to summer fun? Instead, it’s the summer of “I wish I had more will power and self-respect so that I could stop torturing myself with this soul-sucking show.”

::sigh::

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11 thoughts on “Trifecta of Suck.

  1. Totally agree. I fast forwarded through probably 90% of yesterdays show – only stopping to watch the scenes Nancy Lee Grahn was in as I’m curious as to how she will handle Sonny now. Everything else is BORING, CONTRIVED, and not going anywhere!!!! I was a long time watcher of GH in junior/high school, stopped with college, and now 7 years later was pulled in because I wanted to see the hilarity of James Franco onscreen. Now I am stuck because I am a total masochist.

  2. I honestly don’t even know what to say. I used to love Sonny and now I hate his guts. He is so stupid. Your first wife died in a car bomb that was meant for you so you somehow decide that this is the way to get rid of your current enemy, who you know is spending time with your daughter. WTF? Is Guza retarded? Why is he doing this to us? Why is he doing this to Maurice Benard? I read that he was taking Sonny to his lowest point so that when Vanessa Marcil returns she can be the one to help him get his life back together, but isn’t that a whole hell of a lot to put on one person.

  3. While I enjoyed all of your posts and I agree with everything and I have not been a GH fan for very long. I started to watch when Rick Springfield came back and fell in love with Patrick and Robin. I too could not look at him today, I was so disgusted!!

    On a separate note, I have a small request, even though I have only been a lurker here. Please refrain from using the word retarded. My son as well as many other children/adults have this issue and believe me many of them can come up with better material than Guza has so far. I know I would help my son come up with better storylines then what is on now. Using this word in any context other than medically is demeaning to all of the special needs people in the world. Just asking for a little sensitivity. Thanks :)

    • Hi — thanks for bringing this up. Although I don’t think this comment is directed at the actual post, it’s an important point. Both of us feel fairly strongly about the use of “retarted” as a slur, and we want this blog to be as safe a space as possible. We don’t really have a comment moderation policy in place; aside from a handful of trolls and some annoyingly typical but relatively mild gender slurs, there hasn’t really been a need. We’ve recently discussed implementing one, however, and we will address this issue among others when we do.

      • Just wanted to thank you for your response, not everyone gets it. My post was a reply to the above post but it was also a general statement. Thanks again :)

        On a GH note: I could not even enjoy the ‘ reunion’ of scrubs yesterday, I was so sick from Patrick and Lisa….all I can say is they better have him tell her sooner rather than later, that would at least redeem him….

  4. I love your blog because we are in total agreement about the horror that is GH.

    I was drawn back to GH by Scrubs. The writers had written out or destroyed all my favorite characters, and I find the Sonny/Jason mob plots beyond tedious. So I was SHOUTING at the screen, “Patrick, get up! Remember you’re married! Take your hands off Lisa’s ass!” Not only did they make Robin do something entirely out of character–decide to leave the country without talking it over with her spouse–they then do this.

    Like you, I hope Vanessa Marcil can bring some of my love of GH circa 1990s back, but in the hands of these writers, won’t hope only end in brutal, crushing disappointment?

  5. Patrick and Lisa were disgusting. Lisa is completely pointless and I have no idea wtf Patrick was thinking. And I hate how GH is trying to blame Robin for this because she went to help people with AIDS in Africa! Now she should have consulted Patrick first, but in the end she told him she realized she was wrong to not consult him and told him she wouldn’t go, but he told her to go! If he had such issues with it he should have spoken up then and not cheated on her. And 3 weeks isn’t even that long to be gone and compared to the months that Patrick has been flirting with Lisa, it’s nothing. I hate how GH is acting like Robin abandoned her family. Doctors leave all the time to do temporary medical missions. If they didn’t there would probably be twice as many people dead in Haiti. Patrick’s cheating is on him and him alone and if GH tries to blame Robin, I’m going to throw something at my tv screen. I’m so sick of GH blaming the woman for the man cheating.

    And Sonny just needs to die. That character is so played out, not even Brenda can save him.

  6. The question of who the viewers can root for came up in another blog but I really enjoy despair so I’m commenting here.

    Who am I rooting for? Well, Olivia and Johnny for for starters. Not so much as a couple, although they are good together – both actors obviously enjoying the pairing, but as characters who over the course of their GH lives have been drawn with interesting backstories that have barely been touched upon.

    Johnny’s father is a nutcase. They really need to give Bruce Weitz more screen time. He is much creepier than Franco and way more fun to watch. Am I correct that Johnny and Claudia had two different mothers? Dad shot mom when he was trying to kill Johnny but where is Claudia’s mom? With uncle Rudy in Milan? See? There’s some good soap opera shit here and not necessarily in a mobbish kind of way.

    Olivia’s been painted as a woman who has been, basically, celibate since her fling, as a 15 year-old, with Sonny. She spent her time working in the family garage and raising her kid to be an upstanding citizen while ignoring her sexuality. She’s been painted with a good reason to be sexually active without her being simply a slut. The writers haven’t taken advantage of this. As a pairing, Olivia and Johnny is a natural. He wants a mom. She wants something warmer than an item from the “Naughty But Nice” store. This is a chance to show that sex can be wholesome between two people who love each other but will not necessarily get married or have children together.

    I’m also Rooting For Spinelli without Maxie. Spinelli is the genius that surfaced when Epiphany’s son was killed in Florida, correct? He was some kind of nerd-like computer whiz like Spinelli who also worked for Sonny or Bernie or something. Spinelli became enthralled by the Bard-like machinations and plot lines of the mob world and never hesitated to discuss them with Jason, the popularity of whose mouth breathing acting style never ceases to amaze me.

    Maxie is correct. He deserves someone much better than her but a new character will have to be introduced because there are only three or four early twenty something women on the show that he could be paired with. If the writers really want to screw with Sonny maybe Spinelli should hook up with Kristina.

    IRF Diane Miller because Carolyn Hennesey is the second hottest woman on the show both actor and character – wise. Not every person is brilliant and Diane knows that Max is simply adorable in his flexibleness (flexingness? flexibility?). Why shouldn’t she have fun? Why didn’t my spell-check underline flexibleness?

    IRF Alexis who has her hands full. I’m glad NLG signed a new deal. It bodes well for us viewers even though the writers that hate us will never use her properly.

    IRF Ethan. I don’t understand why a lot of viewers hate his character so much. It’s not his fault that Luke’s a hound. The kid is a great actor. Putting him in the background of a scene is so much fun to watch.

    I hate to say it but IRF Lucky/Liz/Nik because while the Cassadine/Spencer feud is just another mob war, it’s our mob war and not Guza’s. I want to see Nik’s actor get switched out with someone who has some acting skills that can compete with Helena and Lucky and turn this plotline into an ensemble opportunity that deserves watching.

    I’m rooting for Conan just ‘cuz.

  7. I loved this post because I was basically thinking all of these same things while I watched this episode. Yes, I actually WATCHED the whole thing. There’s an entire hour of my life I will never get back.

    I watched GH with my mom growing up, all through high school, on and off during college and grad school (stupid classes), and have just in the last several months gotten to the point where I’ll watch it everyday. I miss the glory days of years past- Quartermaine drama, Nurses’ Ball, Spencer adventures, etc. The reason I really started watching again earlier this year was a cross between the cuteness of Dante and Lulu and the Kristina/Keifer abuse storyline (I work with teens so this storyline was intriguing for me). I’m not sure why I keep watching these days…it’s like a train wreck, I guess. I can’t help it. I’m a spoiler nut, so I guess I keep hoping that what they’ve got coming will get better. Hasn’t happened yet though…

  8. Wow. Some things never change, huh? I haven’t watched in almost 2 months (summertime = very little time to catch up on television) and watching those 3 1/2 minutes were enough to bring my usual GH rage rushing back. Just…wow. I really want to know why the hell Sonny isn’t dead yet, because he is too ridiculous to live.

    • Wow, that sounds WONDERFUL! I hope you are enjoying your break. Despite the fact that I didn’t think it was possible, Sonny continues to get worse. It is a mystery how a character can dig below the bottom of the barrel.

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