ROBIN: Hi, Stev–OH MY GOD.
STEVEN: Oh, Robin. Hi. Didn’t hear you come in. BECAUSE THE GUN SHOW WAS TOO LOUD. Get it?
ROBIN: Wow. Well. I don’t really have a response to that. Can I get your opinion on a patient?
STEVE: Sure, sure. You don’t mind if I rub this oil all over my gleaming pecs while we do this consult, do you?
STEVE: That’s not weird and inappropriate, is it?
ROBIN: Not at all. Hey, speaking of weird and inappropriate, can we talk about the state of my marriage for a minute?
STEVE: I see nothing inappropriate about that. Continue.
ROBIN: Great. So, I think your ex-girlfriend is after my man. Do you think you could maybe fire her or something?
STEVE: Gee, I’d love to, Robin. But I totally tapped that a few weeks ago, which — come to think of it — might have been a little unprofessional, considering I’m her boss.
Anyway, even though she’s now obviously batshit, I can’t get rid of her without exposing the hospital to another massive lawsuit on top of that whole ‘lost a baby’ mess we’re already facing. My bad.
ROBIN: I think your grandfather would be be really proud of the way you’re running things around here.
YES, THAT CONVERSATION ACTUALLY HAPPENED. NO, NONE OF US WERE HALLUCINATING. WTF.
Speaking of hallucinations, work has been crazy lately, so I fully admit I might have missed something. But can someone explain to me when, exactly, the world went all topsy-turvey and Sonny Corinthos began making sense?
SONNY: Okay, I think you should really listen to Olivia. This baby thing is ridiculous. It’s a bad idea.
WORD, CORINTHOS. WORD. (I… feel so dirty having just typed that.)
Maybe I’ve fast forwarded through some crucial bit of exposition — this is all some sort of clever plot to win Sonny’s trust and bring him down, right? Claire hasn’t actually decided that the one man who can give her the sperm she needs is a career criminal who’s already fathered seven (SEVEN!) other children and ruined the lives of nearly all of them, and who she’s admitted might be emotionally and possibly even physically abusive toward women on a regular basis… has she? Please tell me this isn’t for real. Anyone? Bueller?
Psst, Claire… baby, listen: dimples — though nice! — are not actually that rare. And they have these marvelous things called sperm banks now, which can provide all sorts of specific characteristics! Without irrevocably staining your career by tying yourself to a mobster you’ve already failed to prosecute once! Or exposing your child to mayhem and violence for the rest of its life! Think about it, okay?