Sometimes, all you can do is laugh.

Sometimes this show’s ridiculousness reaches truly surreal levels.

Like, I want to be outraged that Sonny’s best defense against the charge of shooting an unarmed man point blank in the chest is that the last time he got off completely scot-free after committing that exact same crime, it really taught him a lesson. But instead, all I can do is watch and marvel at the brazenness of it all.

(By the way, if you thought that lesson was something about immorality of murder or the sacredness of human life, then… clearly you haven’t been watching this show very long:)

SONNY: Here’s the lesson that I learned: it has to be an even playing field. If there’s a man standing in front of you and he is unarmed, does [sic] not mean that he’s a threat. He should not be met with lethal force.

Spoken with that trademark Corinthos clarity and eloquence.

Naturally, Olivia put up a big fuss about needing to know the truth — as if there was any answer Sonny could give to make her truly turn her back on him. Olivia, you know I love you lots, but come on now. The man shot your only son point blank in the chest and apparently even that wasn’t enough to make you take him off your Christmas card list. Who are you even trying to kid here?

But never fear! Sonny has an answer for that too:

SONNY: You say something changed in you when I shot Dante? Well, something changed in me too. I will never shoot an unarmed man. I will never take another man’s life when mine isn’t directly threatened.
OLIVIA: How about this, Sonny? How about you just don’t take another life? How about you just don’t shoot anybody? [Ed. note: Isn’t she HILARIOUS?]
SONNY: Well, it’s a little too late for that!

Oh, snap! He’s got you there, Liv.

You know, far be it from me to disbelieve Sonny as he’s spinning shit into gold for another get out of jail free card, but it is a little funny how this great epiphany didn’t manage to prevent him from planting a bomb in Johnny’s car not that long ago. Or from having a member of the Lopez family murdered so his brothers would kill Johnny for him.

Guess I’m just too simple to understand the intricacies of mob philosophy.

Meanwhile, over at the hospital, Steven and Patrick sat around the nurses’ desk gossiping about the crazy lady they both recently banged. As men do:

PATRICK: I mean, she cut Robin’s face out of our wedding photo. She stole her HIV medication.
STEVEN: If that’s true, it sounds like she’s crossing over into stalker territory.

Whoah there, Chief! Let’s not get carried away. I mean a little breaking and entering, vandalism, drug-tampering, and baby-snatching certainly shouldn’t be enough to make you reconsider putting patients’ lives in the hands of a deranged stalke– oh. Oh, this is awkward. You mean, you were never even considering suspending her? My bad!

(The hospital is nothing but one giant lawsuit waiting to happen, isn’t it?)

Crazy!Lisa’s crazy plot to frame Robin continues to amuse me to no end. But Kimberly McCullough’s death glare at Lisa’s bedside today easily won Episode’s Soapiest Moment. You can practically see the hate radiating from her eyes:

Brilliant!

Speaking of death glares, I’m a little embarrassed by how excited it made me to see Carly’s seething hatred for Lulu come out in the open. Is it too much to hope for a cat fight to end all cat fights tomorrow?

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