Crazy’s back in town!

There is an infectious disease running rampant through Port Charles. Let’s call it male scriptum.

(Literally: “bad writing” according to Google Translate. And no, I did not even intend for that to be some sort of feminist pun/dig against Guza. It just worked out that way. Awesomely, if I do say so myself. And I do.)

Male scriptum is what happens when otherwise sane or sensible characters who I used to love — and who I know would never normally say the words now coming out of their mouths — come within a certain proximity to Sonny and then proceed to LOSE THEIR FUCKING MINDS. Witness Brenda, minutes after coming face to face with Sonny and the son he shot in the chest:

DANTE: I was assigned to go working undercover for Sonny, and when I tried to arrest him, he shot me. Right here.
SONNY: I’ll tell you again, that… I regret that.
DANTE: Not as much as I did.
BRENDA: Sonny would never do anything to hurt you.
ME: WHAT THE– SHOOTING HIM HURT HIM! ARE YOU DEAF, WOMAN?

See what I mean? Male scriptum, all the way. So I’m trying to remember that it’s a disease and it’s not these characters’ fault. Because the world would be a sad, sad place if I ever came to hate Brenda Barrett, who’s been my TV girlfriend for like, half my life, you know?

But it’s hard, people. It is really, really hard.

All that aside, Vanessa Marcil and Dominic Zamprogna are both appealing actors who would each probably have mad chemistry with a piece of brick, so seeing them together is not exactly a hardship. Except that my creeping fear of having to watch Brenda in a love triangle with a father and son is really ruining any enjoyment I might otherwise be getting out of all the May/December bodyguard flashbacks.

Good thing flashback!Dante’s goofy cop hair is utterly adorable! It makes for a good distraction:

Actually, I’m finding pretty much everything about flashback!Dante to be perfectly adorable — so young and earnest! Such a jaunty uniform! I’m even mildly curious about this big secret he and Brenda have agreed to keep, and why, exactly, the damn Balkan wants her so badly.

If only this entire story didn’t fill me with dread.

Meanwhile, over at the hospital, something wonderful happened:

LISA: All those smiling faces! Actually, no one is smiling. Well, I hope somebody’s glad that I’m back, because I’m sure glad to be here. I missed this place.
ROBIN: Are you flipping kidding me?

That’s right, y’all! My favorite cheery scenery chewer is out of the loony bin less than a week after she went in!

Which is ludicrous on multiple levels, by the way. Didn’t they keep Elizabeth in there for months after her one half-assed suicide attempt on the roof? But Lisa holds a gun on Robin and Patrick and then attempts to shoot herself, but she’s cleared to do surgery on patients a few days later? WHATEVER, SHOW.

(Also, I think Steven needs a new HR rep, because if holding a gun on your colleagues wouldn’t be ample grounds for firing someone, then I don’t know what would.)

In any case, I am pleased to have her back, because Brianna Brown’s crazy eyes are one of the few truly entertaining things this show has going at the moment. Welcome back, Lisa!

In other hospital-related news, Elizabeth and her fabulously shiny post-maternity leave hair came home, prompting Nikolas to finally say those ten little words I’ve been waiting for since this abomination of a storyline began:

NIKOLAS: Things will never work out between us as a couple.

GLORY HALLELUJAH.

How does Elizabeth feel about all this? No idea! Because the writers decided to cut away from her reaction and that was that. So glad to know that the year and a half we all spent suffering through this THING THAT SHOULD NOT BE between the two of them was totally worth it from a character perspective.

We did get Liz’s reaction to Nikolas’ decision to have a twenty-something escort move into his home roughly three days after she and the boys left. And that reaction was 1) expressive, 2) fabulous, 3) and as full of bitch-face as you might expect from Becky Herbst:

Love her! And her hair!

After breaking things off with Elizabeth, Nikolas proceeded to have a heart-to-heart with his aforementioned escort-with-a-heart-of-gold about the latest woman he obsessively stalked for months and then instantly got over when she was out of sight, out of mind for five minutes:

BROOK LYNN: Do you mind my asking why? I mean why? Why now? You were friends with Elizabeth for so many years. And from the stories you told me, it was very clear she was Lucky’s girl. So why? What, all of a sudden, made her so irresistible?
NIKOLAS: Temporary insanity, I guess?

First of all: GOOD EFFING QUESTION, BROOK. Second: since I guess that’s as much satisfaction as we’re ever going to get from this whole debacle, I’ll take it, but… really, writers? I’m not sure how temporary the insanity is if it lasts for over a year, you know?

But these are just details. The important thing is Nikolas and Elizabeth are over, you guys! Finished! Done! A thing of the past! No more to traumatize young eyes with the sight of their gross macking on each other!

It is, indeed, a beautiful day.

Finally, Lucky and Siobhan’s excellent Irish adventures continue, albeit with the good stuff happening mostly off-screen, it seems:

SIOBHAN: You were quite something, jumping from the roof onto that moving garbage truck. I thought you were a goner for sure.
LUCKY: You just have to know how to take a fall and roll.
SIOBHAN: He’s modest too.
LUCKY: Okay. It wasn’t all me. I mean, I wouldn’t have been able to get away if you hadn’t started screaming at the top of your lungs.
SIOBHAN: Someone had to distract those fools before they inflicted serious damage! We make a good team.

Okay. I realize that the idea of this show spending any money on a stunt that doesn’t involve Jason or James Franco is laughable. But would it have killed them to have shown at least a little bit of that? I mean, GOD FORBID we take any time away from this week’s other scintillating stories, like the fifteen minutes we spent watching Max and Milo wrestle on Jason’s couch, or that solid day of Maxie screeching at Brenda like a deranged howler monkey.

Siobhan is pretty annoying, by the way, and if I were Lucky, I would have told her to cram it about five seconds into her endless diatribe about how he betrayed her by lying about who he was — except that, you know, he did actually tell her straight out that he was an undercover cop that first day, oh and also: SHE WAS TRYING TO SHOOT HIM AT THE TIME. I mean, my GOD, woman. Put a lid on the martyr schtick, will you?

But no matter, because I’m a sucker for attractive people having madcap adventures, and a sucker for Lucky getting laid, which practically never happens. So I approve of this stupid story. But I would like to actually see the madcap adventures as well as the making out, you know?

In conclusion: this effing show.

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10 thoughts on “Crazy’s back in town!

  1. But then the show followed up Nik’s temporary insantiy with the not at all over used trope that he’s just so destoryed over Emily’s death THREE FREAKING YEARS AGO and that stalking Elizabeth was totally about being close to Emily again….at which point I wished Nadine popped out of that elevator she disappeared into to just Aunt Rayleene them to death. Cause show I’m pretty sure that particular reason for acting like a troll expires after you bang a SECOND person under that excuse and gave Claudia Corrinthos the sex eye for a week.

    I might have signed off on Lucky having a fling…if the show didn’t have The Walking Stereotype call him RONAN the entire time. Cause ewwwww. And i’d be all for madcap adventures if this one made a lick of sense. Rigth now i’m stuck on why Lucky can’t figure out Brenda’s not been in Rome for like two weeks if she’s so famous as the show wants to beleive…and how Interpol wouldn’t know he was workign undercover…..

    As for Dante/Brenda’s secret…still wanting Brenda to have had Dante’s love child, hid said child for the sake of her career and because she couldn’t find Dante due to his being undercover to take down Sonny. Mainly cause it will make Sonny OLD. i’m a simple girl at heart really.

    • Yeah, the Emily excuse is wearing really thin — especially when you consider it’s been THREE YEARS and he’s actually gone through three women at this point (Rebecca, Nadine, Liz) and looks to be moving onto woman number four any day now — this time charmingly almost underage! But whatever. I’m just glad to see him moving away from my girl, Elizabeth.

      As for Lucky, I think it’s hysterical that he’s halfway across the world, impersonating a man he’s never met, who is an exact look alike for no reason, and he finds out his assignment involves a person he actually knows… and he has NO reaction to that. Not even a momentary “hey, what are the odds!” You’d also think that since he knows Brenda and something of her history, his first call might be back home to PC to see if any of her friends there know where she it. But you know… that would make sense. Can’t have that.

  2. Too bad they are ruining Lisa’s crazy by having her pull the exact same stunts she did just a few weeks ago. It was fun the first time around, but I don’t need to see the exact same things over and over again. I want to see this story actually progress instead of just run in place. All the actors are doing a good job, particularly Kimberly McCullough and Brianna Brown, but that may not be enough to keep me interested if this story becomes as repetitive as I think it’s going to become.

    I love adventure Lucky. Too bad I mostly get to hear about it and not actually see it. JJ has been looking really good with his new hair cut. I’m just going to ignore how Siobahn’s dialogue seems to have been lifted from a cheezy romance novel.

  3. Not having any special insight into the minds of the writers wife and I are hoping that flashback Brenda is pregnant with the Balkan’s kid and over the course of the flashbacks we will see that Dante helped her deliver the child and get it out of the hands of an eastern European criminal. It would explain why she’s so invested in exploited children. Maybe she’s been looking for hers for five or six years.

    Still liking Crazy vs Scrubs but don’t understand why Robin didn’t get tested for the compound Lisa used to drug her. But, then again, we’re used to having things not make sense on GH. Why isn’t Epiphany in complete control of the hospital. The board needs to give her a new title and a raise. She’s not buffed up like Steve but she’s a hell of a lot smarter and dedicated.

    • I was wondering why no one had tested any of Robin’s other pills — didn’t Lisa replace all of them, not just one day’s worth? And I also love how we’re meant to believe she actually murdered a nurse to cover her tracks, but absolutely no one is investigating that or even seems the least bit concerned at a colleague’s death.

  4. I honestly think that the biggest problem on this show – a show with numerous, big problems is that they simply don’t know when to just MOVE THE STORY ALONG. It is either dropped or beat to death, neither which appeals to me as a long time viewer.

    Lisa/Fatal Attraction could have been a great story for Scrubs but it won’t be remembered as anything other than annoying as it can’t seem to have an ending that would truly resonate with the audience. Seems as though they cast an actor for a temporary role and then simply won’t let them go until they have half the audience changing the channel and the rest dozing off.

    And I don’t want to see Lucky getting lucky, I don’t want to hear about, I don’t want it referenced in any way . . . good grief, he looks like Grandpa Keebler Elf. There is nothing remotely attractive about that. When Guza is writing romance for that character does he know GV isn’t playing the role anymore?

    • So true. Pacing is one of this show’s worst failings.

      (Heh, I never found Greg Vaughn particularly attractive (although he seems very nice!), and I’ve had a thing for JJ since I say him play Kyle Reese on The Sarah Conner Chronicles. So it doesn’t bother me.)

      • i feel the same way about JJ i didn’t know he was the original lucky i have no problem with GV either but i like JJ as lucky i think he brings more dept into lucky’s character

  5. Pingback: Not enough UGH in the world… « Despair in the Afternoon

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