My darling Johnny,
I am beginning to worry about you. I fear that bad case of contrivance you picked up a few months ago has begun to affect your higher reasoning skills:
JOHNNY: I’m just saying that Lisa has her side of the story. She’s in love with Patrick. Patrick knew that. He slept with her. And then he dumped her.
MAXIE: Are you insane? Lisa should be locked up!
JOHNNY: Lisa’s only crime is falling in love with the wrong man, like my sister did.
Dearest, I have tried to be patient. But now I really have to ask… what the actual fuck is wrong with you? A few points:
1) So… Patrick having a drunken one night stand with an ex-girlfriend who knew he was married makes him the same as a violent, emotionally abusive crime lord? O…kay. Also, no, being dumped by someone you love is NOT actually justifiable grounds for stalking and attempted murder. Just, FYI.
2) It would be much less creepy for you to constantly compare Lisa with your dead sister if you’d stop sticking your tongue down her throat. Just sayin’.
3) Actually, Lisa’s many crimes include stalking, kidnapping, breaking and entering, reckless endangerment, theft, assault and, oh yeah… murder.
(Except I’m pretty sure that the writers have completely forgotten that poor nurse she killed to cover her tracks when she had Robin down in that well. But I haven’t forgotten! Justice for Nurse Whatshername!)
Yours most sincerely but with very little love,