You know how sometimes people buy their kids a new pet to replace one that died? Turns out you can do the same thing with babies! Who knew?
SAM: You want me to get pregnant?
CARLY: Yeah. I mean, Jason has so much to offer a child. Why wouldn’t you guys have a baby?
OH MY GOD, LET ME COUNT THE REASONS.
1. Because Jason is an effing contract killer?
2. Because he has a box of broken dreams sitting in his gun closet filled with mementos of children whose lives he’s already ruined?
3. Because of Michael’s… entire life?
4. Because Josslyn can’t talk yet but she’s already getting death threats from a serial killer just because she’s Jason’s goddaughter?
5. Did I mention Michael?
6. Because Morgan and Kristina were under his protection and still got kidnapped by a psychopath?
7. Michael. Seriously.
8. Because Jake was in a shoot out with the Russian mob before he could crawl?
9. Because having a baby as a momentary distraction from grief when you know you’re ill-equipped to take care of it is one of the worst justifications for parenthood I’ve ever heard, Carly.
10. MICHAEL! FOR FUCK’S SAKE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? DO YOU HAVE GOLDFISH MEMORIES!?
(By the way, I love Sam’s incredulity that Carly would make the enormous sacrifice of carrying Jason’s baby, as if doing just that hasn’t been Carly’s number one life goal for the past fifteen years running.)
Anyway. Since I am absolutely certain this is going to keep coming up and keep pissing me off, I’m going to rant this rant once and then try to let it go for the sake of my blood pressure:
Dear Everyone in Port Charles,
Yes, accidents happen. Also, children get sick. Life is dangerous and unpredictable. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t things we can do to minimize risk. Like, say… keeping our children as far away as possible from frequent targets for assassination, organized crime, and people who kill other people for money.
Because, seriously? This isn’t an either/or thing. Jason and Sam bringing a kid into his crazy, violent life — because, hey, Jake wasn’t exposed to it and he still died! — would be like deciding to never buckle your kids up because sometimes people wear seat belts and die in car crashes anyway.
And that’s just stupid.
Sincerely and with absolutely not a single shred of love,