This week in Crazy Says What?

You know how sometimes people buy their kids a new pet to replace one that died? Turns out you can do the same thing with babies! Who knew?

SAM: You want me to get pregnant?
CARLY: Yeah. I mean, Jason has so much to offer a child. Why wouldn’t you guys have a baby?

OH MY GOD, LET ME COUNT THE REASONS.

1. Because Jason is an effing contract killer?
2. Because he has a box of broken dreams sitting in his gun closet filled with mementos of children whose lives he’s already ruined?
3. Because of Michael’s… entire life?
4. Because Josslyn can’t talk yet but she’s already getting death threats from a serial killer just because she’s Jason’s goddaughter?
5. Did I mention Michael?
6. Because Morgan and Kristina were under his protection and still got kidnapped by a psychopath?
7. Michael. Seriously.
8. Because Jake was in a shoot out with the Russian mob before he could crawl?
9. Because having a baby as a momentary distraction from grief when you know you’re ill-equipped to take care of it is one of the worst justifications for parenthood I’ve ever heard, Carly.
10. MICHAEL! FOR FUCK’S SAKE, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? DO YOU HAVE GOLDFISH MEMORIES!?

(By the way, I love Sam’s incredulity that Carly would make the enormous sacrifice of carrying Jason’s baby, as if doing just that hasn’t been Carly’s number one life goal for the past fifteen years running.)

Anyway. Since I am absolutely certain this is going to keep coming up and keep pissing me off, I’m going to rant this rant once and then try to let it go for the sake of my blood pressure:

Dear Everyone in Port Charles,

Yes, accidents happen. Also, children get sick. Life is dangerous and unpredictable. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t things we can do to minimize risk. Like, say… keeping our children as far away as possible from frequent targets for assassination, organized crime, and people who kill other people for money.

Because, seriously? This isn’t an either/or thing. Jason and Sam bringing a kid into his crazy, violent life — because, hey, Jake wasn’t exposed to it and he still died! — would be like deciding to never buckle your kids up because sometimes people wear seat belts and die in car crashes anyway.

And that’s just stupid.

Sincerely and with absolutely not a single shred of love,
Me

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18 thoughts on “This week in Crazy Says What?

  1. Another great post, so true. Let’s not forget the fact that Carly had a high risk pregnancy with Jocelyn too. But I guess the fact that her doctors told her she could die is like so 2008 and 09.

    How is it exactly that OLTL, a soap actually worth watching right now, is on the chopping blcok and GH is not? Obviously ratings are a part of that, but maybe Disney should try actually promoting and marketing its daytime soaps before they’re all gone. Besides OLTL faces competition from other soaps in some markets while GH doesn’t in any, and while there are undoubtedly some former soap fans who watch the talk shows and other soap replacement programming, many do not.

  2. *slow clap*

    Bravo, my dear. You hit the nail on the head. This show obviously thinks the viewers are morons. And there is no doubt in my mind that this baby will be kidnapped before it is even a year old. Child endangerment. Good times!

    • It’s like… the logic is so screwy here, I can’t even wrap my head around it. “I didn’t waive a loaded gun in my child’s face and he got cancer. Therefore, I should always wave a gun in his face from now on. Logic proves it!” WHAT.

      I hate this show.

  3. This is one of the most disgusting storylines GH has done in a long time. It was bad enough that Jason Morgan has been destroyed by going back to the child endangering con artist, the woman who wanted jake dead but now to even contemplate having a child with the same woman who wanted his son dead before jakes body is even cold…morally reprehensible. If Jason was going to learn his lesson he should have learned it when Jake was kidnapped the first time, when Jake was caught in a house fire, when Jake was sitting in the hospital when a mad man had a bomb strapped to him, when Elizabeth begged him to run away with her but no now it’s ok because the child endangering con wants a baby, sure reward the woman who committed crimes against a child with a child. Disgusting. The fans do not forget history even though tptb at GH wish we would. Both Sam & Carly disgust me and Jason is almost at the point where he will never be redeemed. Another epic fail for GH, killing Jake a child from legacy characters to prop & pimp a couple who should have never been together again is beyond bad taste. If tptb think fans will accept Jason having a child with the woman who wanted his son dead, they are sadly mistaken. It is just another travesty in the long list that has fans turning GH off. GH needs to start writing for the fans again and not the agenda driven garbage that has aired for the last two years. If any show was in need of a Bobby Ewing moment, GH would be at the top. Since Guza loves to recycle stories he should borrow this one from Dallas and erase the last 2 years. Have Jason & several others wake up from this nightmare.

  4. And do they forget that JAKE WAS KIDNAPPED BECAUSE OF THE MOB (and jason/sam’s involvement) how have THEY FORGOTTEN THAT?! Oh and Michael. what up michael, you psycho, product of jason and carly.

  5. I am worried about what they’re going to do to Sonny & Brenda if VM leaves. My new way of watching the show now is only the S&B scenes. it’s nice. for about a second, til they allow carly to enter their story, ugh

  6. I don’t disagree with the logic Jason SHOULD have been in Jake’s life. HE SHOULD HAVE. Jake wasn’t planned but the minute he was on this earth Jason should have been protecting him Regardless of his relationship with Elizabeth, Jake should have been guarded. It was IMPOSSIBLE for someone as they described Franco to have NOT seen a pattern with Jason and Jake. Jason disregards everyone and anything to save Jake. It was in the papers how Jason jumped bail to rescue him the fist time. And the FBI interviewed and cleared Jason of the Russian’s he killed saving Jake the second time. Hello? Ding Ding Ding. Jake matters to Jason. DUH.

    But I am right there with you about this logic to purposely have a child is idiotic!!!!!!!

    • The thing is, every example on the list above (plus many, many more of the ladies in Jason and Sonny’s lives getting kidnapped, shot, and sexually assaulted under their watch) proves that guards just do not work. And even if they did suddenly hire competent bodyguards, that would still have left Jake vulnerable to all the emotional damage of growing up under guard and learning fun life lessons about how being a criminal is a totally acceptable life choice and violence is always the answer. In short: he’d be as effed up as Michael.

      What Jason should have done, IMO, is make some actual sacrifices in order to have Jake in his life without exposing him to all that. But that would have involved giving up things like killing people for money and being Carly and Sonny’s personal gopher. Can’t have that.

      • exactly! the window to have jason’s character actually show some emotional development has passed. He should have given up the mob life for jake and elizabeth – or at least tried! and now it seems they are writing the same crap story for brenda and sonny. argh this show.

  7. First off brava on the article!! This show goes from bad to worse. Really Guza?! How is replacing one child with another child a compelling story? Since Jason’s lifestyle won’t be changing. We have been forced fed how dangerous his life was for him being a father to Jake & now he is suppose to be more than willing to have a “replacement Jake”. GH-“YOU CAN’T REPLACE ONE CHILD FOR ANOTHER & think the fans will be behind it. I guess ABC/GH doesn’t care & this story too shall FAIL!!!

  8. Pingback: Lisa in chains « Despair in the Afternoon

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