Oh, Elizabeth. You’ve been having a rough time lately. And you know I love you, right? So please don’t take it personally when I say with all sincerity:
WTF, girl. What the actual fuck.
ELIZABETH: I couldn’t tell him.
MAXIE: What do you mean you couldn’t tell him? I set it up perfectly for you. All you had to say is, “Lucky, Aiden is your son.” It was that easy. How could you not tell him?
ELIZABETH: Lucky wants to marry Siobhan.
MAXIE: [making a delightful WTF face] What? Siobhan is the rebound girl. You don’t marry the rebound girl.
ELIZABETH: She’s being deported.
MAXIE: Oh, so now she’s using him for a green card.
ELIZABETH: No, um, actually, it’s more than that. He cares about her. And if I tell him that he’s Aiden’s father, then he won’t go through with the wedding. And then she’s going to go back to Ireland, and he’ll lose her, because of me.
Okay, wow. So much to unpack from one short conversation.
First of all, how awesome is Maxie as Elizabeth’s new confidant? I love that her lack of tact (in the immortal words of Cordelia Chase, “Tact is just not saying true stuff. I’ll pass.”) allows her to call bullshit on Elizabeth’s special brand of crazy. But in a nice way!
(Speaking of which, can someone explain to me why Lucky learning he’s Aiden’s father would somehow prevent him from marrying Siobhan? I mean, having two living kids didn’t stop him from trying before. And having one living kid and one dead kid isn’t stopping him from wanting to now. So I’m kind of failing to understand how having two living kids and one dead kid would really change his mind in the future, you know?)
Anyway, I feel like poor Liz has been dearly in need of a straight-talking gal pal for a while now. Someone who can tell her things like: “You are literally making no sense right now,” or “How’d those first two paternity lies work out for you?” or “If you want to stop hurting people, it’s easy. Just STOP DOING INCREDIBLY HURTFUL THINGS.”
Here’s hoping this plot doesn’t work out as terribly and stupidly as… every single other one of her stories has for the last three years running!
(And now, an open letter to any Potential Life Partners for yours truly.)
Hi, potential suitors!
Just for future reference, if I’m ever arrested for the murder of a man who recently beat and tried to rape me, here are a few things I do not want to have to do:
1. Comfort you.
2. Keep you calm.
3. Waste any of my valuable mental energy worrying about you getting yourself needlessly arrested for assaulting a cop.
(Brought to you by the Committee for “Seriously, Michael? STFU, Already.”)