In the words of Granny Weatherwax: I ATE’NT DEAD.

But I have been couch-hopping all month. And subjecting my friends to the special hell that is this show seemed a poor way to thank them for their hospitality. Now I’m staying with family and family isn’t so lucky.

(Diving off the wagon into three straight weeks of General Hospital in one afternoon is a bit like that scene from Scarface where All Pacino is sticking his nose in a mountain of cocaine. Except without the merciful death afterward.)

Thoughts in no particular order:

* Lisa’s gone! Until the next sweeps when she wakes up from her coma, at least. I guess that’s something. Brianna Brown, bless her scenery chewing little heart, worked the CRAZY EYES to the hilt up to the last. I will miss her, even if I won’t miss this mess of a story.

* Also: why on earth would any hospital ever have a lock down system that would ensure patients couldn’t receive care? And that apparently only one person had the code (a laughably insecure code at that) to undo? And what are those seemingly glass hospital doors made of that they would need explosives to break them down rather than, oh, I don’t know… A ROCK?

* And Jason’s now contract killing for the PCPD? Like, officially? OH, OF COURSE HE IS. (I think what I resented most of all about those scenes was that they put me in the uncomfortable position of having to be on Ronnie’s side of an argument. Ronnie! A character so one-note and charmless that the mere sight of him normally has my finger twitching to the fast forward button! At least Taggert was hot, you know?)

* Speaking of one-note and charmless characters, I cannot bring myself to watch a single Spinelli scene. HOW? How did they manage to give him a new personality that is even more grating than his normal one? The writing on the wall for poor, underused Matt/Maxie makes me sad.

* About the only nice thing I can say about this whole Aiden reveal is that it happened a lot sooner and less unpleasantly than I expected.  Also, it briefly made both Lucky and Elizabeth smile again, and they are both too pretty for that to not be a good thing:

* Lucky was a bit more forgiving of Siobhan’s lie of omission than I would have been. But on the other hand, he did just inadvertently nearly kill her. And I suppose if he was letting Liz off the hook, it would have been weird to hold the same secret against Siobhan. (Although if Liz’s justifications were ludicrous, she at least had the excuse of grief clouding her judgment. What the hell was Siobhan’s reasoning?) Whatever, I’m just glad to be skipping the betrayal portion of the proceedings.

* And… enter Nikolas, stage ASSHOLE. Just when I was beginning to get over my disgust with how gross he’s been the last few years, too. Pity. I’ll say this for Tyler Christopher, his nasty, simmering rage during yesterday’s confrontation was a change from his usual obvious boredom. I really hope we aren’t headed toward an ugly exit for Nikolas. Or yet ANOTHER custody battle.

* Come to think of it, there would be a certain justice to Jax stealing Carly’s baby for the kid’s own good, since she first got together with him while kidnapping Nikolas’ other child for his own good. Jax may have married Carly knowing that Sonny was a part of her life, but she married him knowing he was a self-righteous baby-napper. Not that anyone — much less Nikolas himself — seems to remember than anymore.

* I like Ethan and Kristina in theory. But she’s still way too childish and pushy. And no matter how many times they say she’s almost nineteen, Lexi Ainsworth looks like she’s fourteen. I don’t think they’re playing it as Ethan being into her romantically yet. But he knows what she wants, and the fact that he’s not discouraging her more is kind of sketchy. I would much rather see Kristina swear off men altogether for a while and fall into a friendship with Ethan because she knows he’s not into her and is non-threatening. This active pursuit is the opposite of a slow burn platonic build. DO NOT WANT.

* Then we have Sonny, who is currently married to the eighteen year old he was cheerfully banging when he was in his thirties, all the while jealousy guarding his daughter’s purity like chastity belts never went out of style but allowing his teenage son to move in with his much older girlfriend without a peep of protest. None of this is really out of character or unexpected. (Sonny a sexist hypocrite? Say it ain’t so!) But it’s also not really my idea of entertainment. Aside from the pleasure of watching Nancy Lee Grahn and Maurice Bernard work off each other again in those plane scenes (delightful!), I could pass on this whole story.

* Jason and Sam… were there. Other than my continuing irritation with the notion that Jake’s random death totally justifies deliberately raising children in the mob, I really have nothing to say about these two. They don’t piss me off. But lord, do I ever find them boring.

* You know what does piss me off? The fact that they couldn’t manage to wait until Rebecca Herbst came back to shoot those Jason/Elizabeth scenes last week. Seriously? There was no way to juggle things around so that we didn’t have to watch a stranger get one of the longer interactions those two have had in years? I really would have dug the vibe, too, which was more along the lines of their old friendship than we’ve seen in a while. But it was too distracting to see someone else’s face. Ah, well.

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7 thoughts on “In the words of Granny Weatherwax: I ATE’NT DEAD.

  1. Love it! I watched those Liason scenes and while MM did her best those scenes definitely were missing that awesome STECKY chemistry that I so love. Three whole segments of Liason without Becky…just our luck.

    • Yeah, as temporary replacements go, I have no problems with the actress. She did a great job of capturing BH’s mannerisms, even. But the chemistry just wasn’t the same.

  2. Only Guza could render what should be this big game changing plot twist of the reveal of Aiden’s paternity coming out….completely second fiddle to Spin’s brain damage via being shot no where near the head.

    Although it is kinda amusing to watch them try to justifty the fact they were clearly going to have Liz learn the truth and then go crazy with grief over Jake and never have the truth be taken seriously if she did say it followed by stalling because oops…we forgot she had fans then followed by Tyler Christopher is leaving so I guess we need to blow this cause GOD FORBID the man not know the truth if he’s leaving town.

      • Well Guza did say at one point that it was never his intention to have the truth about Aiden come out just because Becky was leaving the show. He said it was going to lie “fallow”. (I refuse to beleive he actually knows what that word means) Now since he did chose to have Liz find out about the paternity just before Jake’s death…..which was filmed at the time Becky had not been hired back yet…we had days of people telling us Liz wasn’t reacting well but not seeing her…..the fact that once Jason’s great pain had been addresssed Liz was suddenly stalling to tell Lucky for some completely nonsense reasons…..it seems to be a reasonable guess that Guza was going to have Liz find out about the paternity but never be able to to tell it or make it so no one would beleive her if she did tell it.

  3. Oh it was worth the wait, I have been checking in periodically since “they’re dropping like flies huh?” Just wanting to hear your thoughts, and you didn’t disappoint, I don’t know what I loved more.
    ” that they put me in the uncomfortable position of having to be on Ronnie’s side of an argument. Ronnie! A character so one-note and charmless that the mere sight of him normally has my finger twitching to the fast forward button! At least Taggert was hot, you know?)” or
    “Speaking of one-note and charmless characters, I cannot bring myself to watch a single Spinelli scene. HOW? How did they manage to give him a new personality that is even more grating than his normal one?” (this one was shear perfection) to
    “Then we have Sonny who is currently married to the eighteen year old he was cheerfully banging when he was in his thirties, all the while jealousy guarding his daughter’s purity like chastity belts never went out of style but allowing his teenage son to move in with his much older girlfriend without a peep of protest. None of this is really out of character or unexpected”
    and the grand finale which was EXACTLY what I was thinking.
    Jason and Sam… were there. Other than my continuing irritation with the notion that Jake’s random death totally justifies deliberately raising children in the mob, I really have nothing to say about these two. They don’t piss me off. But lord, do I ever find them boring. Nice to know we’re on the same page with this one too.
    * You know what does piss me off? The fact that they couldn’t manage to wait until Rebecca Herbst came back to shoot those Jason/Elizabeth scenes last week. Seriously? There was no way to juggle things around so that we didn’t have to watch a stranger get one of the longer interactions those two have had in years? I really would have dug the vibe, too, which was more along the lines of their old friendship than we’ve seen in a while. But it was too distracting to see someone else’s face. Ah, well.
    I really wanted those scenes with RH. Especially when he was arguing with her about not being as angry with Luke as he was. There was the friendship, but without he chemistry those two bring.

    I swear sometimes its like your in my head.

    Thanks for the laughs. Keep em comin.

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