Apparently, ladies are just ruining everything over at the hospital. But never fear! Matt has a solution:
MATT: Okay, look. I just need you to talk to Robin as her cousin and gently suggest to her to take up needle point… or mountain climbing. It doesn’t matter. Anything to prevent her from re-regulating the entire hospital.
MAXIE: Oh, so you want me to suggest that she be barefoot and hang out in the kitchen.
MATT: I’m not being sexist!
Oh, good! So glad you cleared that up, Matt. And I’m sure your follow up conversation with Patrick will completely back up that claim:
MATT: Divert her. Distract her. Do something. You are the player of all time, right, buddy? Time to unleash that power and seduce her right out of here, because she’s driving us all crazy.
Hahaha — ladies! With their bossiness and nagging! So annoying, am I right, fellas? Good thing if you get ’em all hot and bothered, they forget all about doing their jobs.
Meanwhile, Steve noticed Elizabeth once again trying to regain control over her life and, as usual, found that distressing. I kind of blacked out from intense irritation through most of it, but I think the conversation went a little something like this:
STEVE: Hey, girls. I don’t know if you noticed me making ducklips over here…
ROBIN: We noticed. Please stop.
ELIZABETH: I just thought you were constipated.
STEVE: Well, yes. But also, I couldn’t help noticing you two trying to make decisions about your lives. And the thing is, I think your vaginas may be clouding your judgment.
ROBIN: I’m sorry?
STEVE: Sorry, I mean ‘vajayjay’ — isn’t what we medical professionals are calling it these days? I can never keep up with the new slang.
ROBIN: Wow. First of all, way to make a five year old reference, there, champ. Second, what?
STEVE: I think it’s pretty clear you’re both just too emotional to make good decisions. Maybe it’s that time of the month? I had an iPhone app to track that stuff, but Olivia told me if I didn’t get rid of it she’d stop making me lasagna, if you know what I mean. Jeez, she is so sensitive…
ELIZABETH: Steve, I love you, but I really think you should stop talking now.
STEVE: I’m sorry, Lizzy, but for the good of everyone, it would be best if you just never left the house again. Your fragile brain just can’t handle all its feelings the way a man’s can. If you get bored, have you thought about needle point? I hear it’s very rewarding.
ROBIN: I’m sorry, is the man who was fired for gross incompetence actually trying to lecture us on being too emotional?
STEVE: Now, don’t go getting hysterical on me…
ROBIN: How about that time I was being stalked for months by a nutcase, who you slept with and then kept on staff even after she kidnapped my daughter, threw me down a well, murdered another member of the staff, and was institutionalized for trying to kill herself?
STEVE: That just goes to show how messed up your priorities are. Okay, sure, I slept with a subordinate who later turned out to be criminally insane, and then couldn’t fire her for fear of a lawsuit. And maybe we’ve had two shootings in the last year alone, and I sort of lost a baby that one time. And there were those totally insecure vents in the operating rooms spread toxic ball gas everywhere. Also, I might have installed a security system that nearly killed a patient when activated.
But you know what? There is one line I will never cross: color coding regulations. People can deal with unsafe working conditions and blatant favoritism from a chief of staff, Robin. But not with neatness and organization. Can’t you see your vagina is ruining everything?
ROBIN: Hey, Steve?
STEVE: Yeah, Robin?
ROBIN: Go fuck yourself.