Don’t give me the whole seat. I’m only gonna need the edge.

I love the endless optimism of the ABC promo department. WILL JASON DIE, YOU GUYS? GOSH, I JUST DON’T KNOW! (I’m sure that you, too, will be unable to sleep tonight over this question, but try to contain your anxiety.)

On a related note: Dear Elizabeth Webber, you have the worst car karma in existence. Allow me to present the evidence:

2002: Injured lung in a car accident with Gia and Courtney

2003: Temporarily blinded after hit and run (Courtney… again)

2004: Car crash while pregnant with Cameron

2005: Miscarriage after swerving to miss Carly, who wandered into the road during a mental breakdown

(I cannot for the life of me find a clip of the actual accident. YouTube powers, why have you forsaken me?!)

2007: Collapsed while pregnant with Jake after skidding off the road in a snowstorm

2008: Suspect in Sam’s hit and run after falling asleep at the wheel on the way to her secret love nest with Jason

Which leads us to this week:

IS IT TOO LATE TO SAVE JASON’S LIFE, YOU GUYS? IS IT?!?! (Oh, Dramatic Announcer Guy. How it must pain you to keep from laughing out loud as you record these voiceovers.)

Anyway, for those keeping track at home, that’s seven car accidents for one woman in nine years, which is kind of amazing. And that’s not even counting Jake getting hit by a car in her driveway, because frankly, that shit is just too depressing to be included. The moral here is clear: never be on the road around Elizabeth Webber, whether she’s driving or not. Bad things will likely happen.

Also never hallucinate around Elizabeth Webber, because otherwise you are likely to see things like this:

Why… is she wearing curtains? I don’t understand Lucky’s fantasy life. Spice it up, Spencer! Your acid trip is both unsexy and BORING ME TO TEARS.

But far be it for me to complain about the whole “girl rescues boy after he’s overdosed by his enemies” trope, for which I am a notorious sucker. Except… am I crazy, or is this whole story moving super fast? Like, why were Siobhan and Ethan — two people who didn’t even know Lucky back when he was using — so absolutely certain that he must have immediately fallen off the wagon after about a day of investigating the drug case? I swear, all their conversations sounded like this to me:

LUCKY: So, I’m investigating these drug thefts at the hospital–
SIOBHAN: I’m not giving you money to go score Oxy.
LUCKY: What? That’s not–
LUCKY: I’m not defensive, I’m just asking you to trust me–
ETHAN: Paranoid much, druggy?

A few weeks of escalating secrecy and some actually suspicious behavior would have been nice, is what I’m saying.

Not that Liz’s denial of any problems schtick is terribly realistic either, but Jesus, give it a rest already Naggy McNaggerson twins!


7 thoughts on “Don’t give me the whole seat. I’m only gonna need the edge.

  1. Too funny. ITA with the Lucky situation. Even Lulu went straight to “I haven’t seen him in 15 minutes even though I’ve been away so he must be shooting crack” land. I felt like I had whiplash the story moved so quickly.

  2. lol I didn’t even remember all those accidents, hilarious. Liz find some public transportation Quick!

    IA at Raggedy and Ethan immediately jumping to the conclusion Lucky was on drugs about an hour after he started investigating…not a lot of trust there… and the purse thing…WTH wouldn’t Lucky just cash a check? He is the one with the income. I don’t think Raggedy gets paid for stalkng Liz all over town.

  3. To be absolutely fair…..when Lucky first got clean….if he showed even a second of an actual emotion/reasonable reaction to game changing news….the guy was accussed of being off the wagon before he could even finish the sentence. OMG LUCKY WAS ANGRY BECAUSE HE FOUND OUT ABOUT JASON AND LIZ’S ONE NIGHT STAND AND THE RESULTING EMOTIONAL AFFAIR…YOU ALL HE’S GOING TO GO BACK TO DRUGS!!!! And the justification for every lie for almost two years was “WE CAN’T TELL LUCKY BECAUSE HE WILL FALL OFF THE WAGON IMMEDIATELY EVEN THOUGH HE’S BEEN THROUGH A METRIC SHIT TON OF TOTAL CRAP WITHOUT USING SINCE HE WENT TO REHAB BUT STILL HE WILL IMMEDIATELY GO BACK TO DRUGS”. I swear at one point he had been clean for over a year and enlisting him for help with Lulu’s “breakdown” was just unheard of because HE WILL GO BACK TO DRUGS YOU ALL. So that’s actually a nice bit of ridiculous continuity there. (And my reasoning for Ethan is he heard about that time from Luke during the period of “LUKE HATES LUCKY AND THINKS HE TOTALLY SUCKS BECAUSE HE’S A COP AND THAT’S JUST THE WORST THING A SON COULD DO TO A FATHER IS BE A COP”. and Luke showed about two milliseconds of interest in Lucky’s drug addiction before writing him off and joining in the “oh yes Lucky will fall off the wagon if he stubs his toe brigade”. So as with everything I blame Luke.) It was completely annoying then and just as annoying now considering Lucky’s been sober for over three years now.

    • Oh, I know. It’s just jarring to hear it from people who weren’t even there. It would make more sense if Liz was the one freaking out over the possibility of a relapse while Siobhan and Ethan didn’t understand what the big deal was. But obviously, that wouldn’t work with the triangle they’re trying to set up. Anyway, I see what they’re trying to do and I don’t even really hate it, although I wish Liz and Lucky could be apart for a while longer before getting shoved back together. But they’ve just rushed it way too much — how about having Lucky actually act a little shifty first, you know?

      • If they didn’t jump right to the never ending high….how could Jonathan Jackson be expected to replicate his performance from Trapped in a Purple Haze? (And I say that as someone who is a fan…he’s doing the exact same thing)

        At this point with as many times as Guza would pick up this triangle…drop it…pick it up again…drop it….ignore it entirely….act like he never created it….tease it a little…drop it again…randomly ramp it up because OH! SWEEPS STORY THAT KINDA NEEDS THIS IN IT…..I’m just glad Garin is doing SOMETHING wiht the entire mess. I’m taking any movement in a storyline Guza started almost over a YEAR ago as a good thing.

        I give Sibs a little wiggle room becuae I think Lucky told her about his addiction in Ireland or at least I think he did…the accents kinda killed my understanding of 99% of those scenes. So it’s not entirely out there that Lucky didn’t tell her himself about his addiction. (The show has always had Lucky attending meeting off screen and I’m pretty sure I remember at least one scene of Liz asking Lucky about attending meeting when Sibs was nearby) And since Ethan also knew about Jake not being Lucky’s without Lucky telling him onscreen….(Ethan snarked it at him after a bonding session wiht Luke when he first arrived in town)…I’m pretty much taken it that Ethan heard all about Lucky’s drug issue from Luke or Lulu.

        • Yeah, Lucky definitely told Siobhan about his addiction pretty early on, IIRC. And I’m pretty sure he and Ethan have had a conversation about it as well, even before the whole Luke intervention. But my point is more that just having heard second hand that someone is an addict is different from actually having lived through seeing that person using. The kind of visceral fear they’re both exhibiting seems more in keeping with someone who’s experienced it and had their lives thrown into upheaval because of it first hand, a la Liz or Lulu.

          I do give Siobhan a little wiggle room because there is clearly something wrong with her brain which is causing her to overreact to EVERYTHING right now, judging by how she’s dealing with Liz. But Ethan really needs to cram it, IMO.

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