Previously on Vampire Diaries: sexy people did sexy supernatural and magical things, sexily.
The episode starts off by taking a moment to recognize that Stefan killed Andie. Thanks, show! Too bad once Stefan is free of Klaus and all remorseful, no one will give a rat’s ass.
Actually, Elena appears to already be there. She tells Damon that Stefan called her, although he didn’t say a word. I stop to roll my eyes at the implication that Elena and Stefan’s connection is so strong, she can just sense when it’s him on the line instead of a random dirty caller.
Damon is convinced that murdering Andie proves Stefan has “flipped the switch.” Elena thinks him calling proves he hasn’t. I don’t understand how that’s somehow better. Stefan is still himself and has no problem killing Andie? And tons of other innocent people?
Elena, who is usually kick ass and should be telling Stefan to go jump off a cliff before letting him kill innocent people in the name of loving her, instead just had the call traced and says she knows that Stefan is in Tennessee. Damon tells Elena to do what I wish everyone in town would: forget about his brother.
Alaric wakes to pounding on his door. Of course he assumes it’s just his best boyfriend, Damon. Psyche! It’s actually Elena wanting his help to find Stefan.
(Note for the ‘shippers: Alaric would apparently have been okay with Damon seeing him half-naked, but buttons up his pants when he realizes it is Elena.)
Klaus and Stefan talk about something and blah, blah, blah, who cares.
Tyler’s mom, Carol, spikes his coffee with vervain to see if Caroline turned him. Clever girl! She also covers up the fact that she captured Caroline by implying girlfriend did a walk of shame right out the door. Tyler notices that the coffee tastes bad, but is too busy wondering what happened to Caroline and cutely defending her to his mom to think anything of it. Awww!
(How is it that I like Caroline and Tyler together? I also love Matt and Caroline. Can’t they all just make out together? This show has made me very pro-threesomes.)
After he leaves, Tyler’s mom calls a mysterious “Bill” to get help with her vampire troubles. DUN!
Jeremy goes to Matt to discuss his ghost girlfriend sightings. Matt reads my mind and asks him why he isn’t talking about this with Bonnie. Hello? Seriously. Such a lame-ass excuse to not have Bonnie around. Anyway, Jeremy wants Matt to help him connect with Vicki.
Elena is a much better detective than Damon and Alaric and asks Tyler about werewolves in Tennessee.
Um, why didn’t they think about that before? Haven’t they been looking for Stefan all summer and knew he was hunting down werewolves? Wouldn’t the one werewolf they know be a good place to start? *facepalm*
Anyway, Tyler gives her a possible location for a nearby pack and then sheepishly asks about Caroline. It is very cute. GO SAVE HER, TYLER!
Back in the woods, Klaus waxes poetic about how super special he is. I still don’t understand why he is trying to make more hybrids. Wasn’t the point that he was a super special snowflake? Stefan continues to help Klaus torture more people and I’m so tired of having to watch this.
Fathering a new race of monsters: not as therapeutic as you might think.
Matt and Tyler have a tense moment when talking about Caroline, but Matt still offers to help Tyler during the full moon in her absence. So cute. He also reveals to Tyler that all the coffee at the Mystic Grill tastes like ass because it’s spiked with vervain, but normal people with non-super wolf senses can’t taste it. DOUBLE DUN!
Meanwhile, the mysterious Bill arrives at the Lockwood house and agrees to help Carol with Caroline… and I wish the writers hadn’t named those two characters so similarly because it’s really awkward typing them in the same sentence.
Elena convinces Alaric to trek out to Tennessee with her to find Stefan. Alaric is prepared to kick some ass, so Elena tries to give him her father’s ring.
Most inappropriate. Field trip. Ever.
He tells her that she should save it for her stubborn baby Gilberts. All this talk about kids — combined with the shirtless thing from earlier — is making me imagine Alaric and Elena having cute little babies together.
Suddenly, Elena goes flying into the lake. When she surfaces, Damon is smirking in the bushes. Alaric exclaims that of course he called his boyfriend for help! Duh, Elena.
There was no point to this scene other than getting Elena’s shirt wet. That is not a complaint. Just a fact.
Klaus wants an army of werevamps so that he will be the biggest, baddest kid on the playground. However, it doesn’t look like his great plan is working. He isn’t able to make any more. Wah. I really don’t care about your manpain, Klaus.
One of the dying werevamps flips out, bites Stefan, and takes off into the woods. Stefan goes after him, but, oops! Werevampling finds Elena, Alaric and Damon first.
Why, yes, Alaric. I will attend your gun show.
Damon takes off after him and ends up ripping his heart out… just as Stefan catches up. They have another heart to heart about whether or not Stefan is beyond saving and blah, blah, blah.
Meanwhile, Alaric and Elena have been left alone to share an abandoned teenager/adoptive family moment, and now I’m really confused about my feelings about these two characters. Damn these writers! Damon returns, and Elena jumps out of the car when she sees he is alive. Damon tries to drag her to the car and she calls him a caveman. Ha!
Back in Mystic Falls, Matt goes to see Jeremy because he changed his mind. He brought some things of Vicki’s to help out. Jeremy sees her and she says she can come back. Ooooh! Then Jeremy sees Anna and she tells her not to trust Vicki. Double ooooh! Intriguing!
None of the rapid werevamps survive. Klaus is still pouting that he is a lonely werevamp. Well, maybe you shouldn’t have killed your much more awesome and interesting brother, then, Klaus. He goes nuts, screaming that he did everything right, including killing the doppleganger.
I’d like to play poker with Stefan.
Oops! Stefan responds to this with his best constipated look, hoping Klaus won’t realize what a total lying liar he is. Don’t ever try to win big in Vegas, Stefan. Klaus (apparently?) falls for this, though, because he heals Stefan’s werebite and tells him that he is his number one bestest pal 4-EVA.
If looks could get you pregnant, Elena would be a cast member on the next Teen Mom.
Back home, Damon finally reveals that he saw Stefan in the woods. He and I agree that Stefan is an “insufferable martyr who needs his ass kicked.” But he now thinks Elena is right that Stefan can be saved. Oh, whatever. Damon presses Elena until she admits that she worries about him and doesn’t want to see him hurt. They hotly stare at one another and I get goose bumps all over.
Tyler confronts his mother about kidnapping Caroline and somehow convinces her to follow him to the family dungeon. Wonder how that conversation went? Anyway, he locks her up while he turns. To her credit, when he wakes up from wolfing out, his mom promises she will protect Caroline.
Poor Jack Coleman: forever typecast as the creepy dad.
Carol calls Bill to try to convince him to leave Caroline alone, but he says he is obligated to take care of this. And then we finally see Caroline! She’s chained to a chair in yet another dungeon type place. The door opens, Bill walks in and greets her. She responds: “Daddy?”
Holy Crap, guys! That was a shocker! Will Caroline’s Dad try to kill her? Will Stefan ever stop moping? Will we ever really care what Klaus is doing? Tune in next week to find out!