I’m running out of synonyms for “HATE.”

So, I want to rant about this whole “shocking” “twist” of Claudia being Johnny’s mother, but honestly? It just makes me tired. (Can something really be considered “shocking” if people have been speculating about this being true for about as long as Claudia has been a character? And can it really count as a “twist” if half the major participants in the story have been dead for years?)

(Also, Gino Soleito? Really? At least we knew Trevor Lansing, and from their interactions before he died, it was clear some kind of sexual abuse had likely occurred when she was a teenager. But some random dead character from another show? What? WHY?)

Mostly, though, I want you to take a good, long look at this face:

This is the face of a man who’s just learned that his dead wife — who was basically sold to him by her psychotic, abusive father as part of a business deal — was also pimped out to another mobster when she was little more than a child, and then forced to let that same abusive psychopath take her own child from her and raise him as her brother while abusing him and banishing her from the house for years.

Basically, this is the face of a man thinking about the systematic rape and psychological torture of an underage girl.

(Recall, also, that this is the same man who thinks his own unhappy childhood entitles him to the unending compassion and empathy of everyone in his life, no matter how much they’re hurt because of him. Yeah.)

Sonny Corinthos, ladies and gentlemen: what a wretched fucking excuse for a human being.

ANYWAY. The reasons this story is both dumb and pointless are almost too many to count… I mean — putting aside to irritating fact that Sarah Brown is only FOUR FUCKING YEARS older than her on screen “son” — the show went out of its way to establish that she and Johnny were only seven years apart. So either we’re talking child rape and really early puberty here — which I really do not even want to contemplate — or they’re just completely disregarding their own canon. Again.

And you know, maybe in service of a really good retcon (Nikolas’ parentage springs to mind; Ethan’s doesn’t) I could accept screwing with the established timeline. But this doesn’t even make sense on any level. Are we now supposed to believe that Anthony has spent all these years grooming Johnny as his heir when he wasn’t even his son, but the illegitimate spawn of his hated slut daughter? Seriously? Nothing we know about patriarchal, sexist-as-hell Anthony leads me to believe he would be willing to pass Johnny off as his own, much less dote on him as he does.

Even the circumstances for this coming to light make no logical sense. Luke procured this information as leverage against Johnny for Carly — can someone please explain how she could possibly have blackmailed him with a secret that he didn’t even know he had? And Sonny gleefully spilling the beans gains him NOTHING except an upswing in tension between their two families. Well, that and the petty spite of a man taking satisfaction from — again — the underage rape of his enemy’s mother.

This effing show, you guys.

Hey, speaking of inappropriate glee about horrible things happening to women — I know I’m like a broken record on this, and maybe I’m just extra hormonal right now, but this whole Tracy thing is getting upsetting to the point where I’m actually a little teary?

Like, I know Luke is going to whip out some plan at the last minute, and maybe if his entire relationship with her so far hadn’t been based on near-constant disrespect, his pretending to go along with the wedding might be funny. But Luke lost the benefit of the doubt about eight betrayals ago. And Tracy’s now been turned away from everyone who could possibly help her with a callousness that is not doing anyone in this story any favors, character-wise. (Maxie, in particular, has gone from merely “self-involved with a good heart underneath” to SOCIOPATHIC LEVELS OF NARCISSISM since her involvement with Anthony began.)

And now Tracy’s literally helpless and about to be legally bound to — and most likely raped by — this complete psychopath murderer. And all I want is for someone to be on her side and treat it seriously like the fucking violation that it is. I want someone to treat her like a human being instead of punchline! I want someone to acknowledge her feelings actually matter. That person should be Luke, who  owes her a thousand years of apologizing and groveling as it is. But instead they choose to have him smugging it up like her being in this terrifying and humiliating situation is the funniest thing in the world?

WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS MY HATE.

I love how the people most indignant about Jax pretending to be dead are all the same people who grieved for him the least. Like, Kate? STFU. I don’t remember seeing you shed a single effing tear over your good friend and business partner, so you don’t get to act all self-righteous about it now.

Also, Kate? Does Sonny have some sort of brain sucking technology attached to his penis? Because I do not understand how else to explain how quickly you have completely lost your goddamn mind:

JAX: But if Sonny had his way, I would be dead.
KATE: No, no, you’re wrong about Sonny. He’s not the man you think he is.
JAX: [heavy sigh] Back at that, are we?

I KNOW, JAX. I KNOW. HIGH FIVE, BOYFRIEND.

It’s amazing how boring Jax can get when he’s in town for the long haul, but how much I miss him when he’s gone, such that during his brief returns, I’m all squeeful because Jax! Telling it like it is! His talk with Michael on Friday was one of the few genuinely lovely things this show has done in recent memory (I might have gotten a little weepy when Michael — another one who barely shed a tear when he thought his step-father was dead — begged him to just stay. I’m weak, I know. But the little boy desperation in his voice totally got to me!). And his truth-telling to Kate today was futile but still satisfying.

Come back, Jax! But only for a little while! Maybe a couple days each month? And tell everyone the completely obvious things they need to hear? And then disappear again before you get too self-righteous and start making stupid plaaaaaaans of your own?

Meanwhile, over on some other show that wasn’t completely enraging, Robin and Patrick had an honest and heartbreaking conversation that almost — almost! — made up for all stupid bullshit that has  led up to this point:

ROBIN: Look at me. I want you to remember me like this! Like the strong, healthy person that I am, not some shadow of who I am–
PATRICK: This disease is not going to steal who you are, okay? I don’t care what you look like. I don’t care if you’re not strong enough to hold my hand. This is you. This is us.
ROBIN: I’m scared.
PATRICK: I don’t want you to be scared. No more secrets.

[…]

PATRICK: You have to know that taking off is crazy. [Ed. note: Understatement!]
ROBIN: That’s why I would never go through with it. Because I love you too much to leave you. And I love our little girl too much. And because–and because I need you.

OH MY HEART! I could basically quote this whole conversation, but I’ll restrain myself. Suffice it to say that Robin got to (sincerely) apologize for lying and being stupid, and to admit that she was scared. And Patrick got call her out on taking his choices away from him, but also to be the awesomely supportive husband we all knew he would be. And I cried all the tears.

I know it’s a long shot, but I really, really hope that the new team can convince Kimberly McCullough to stay on in some capacity, even if it’s much more limited. Because stuff like this is one of the only things this show still has going for it.

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13 thoughts on “I’m running out of synonyms for “HATE.”

    • Sometimes I feel like if Jax were a real person, he would *totally* hang around bitching about this show on the internet with us.

  1. The whole Claudia is Johnny’s mother thing…..I can’t…..I just can’t.

    It’s like the writers have just given up. The show is so bad. I can’t even sit through an entire episode.

    Robin’s storyline is the only thing I’m interested in. I really hope they really do her character justice. I would love to see Stone return one more time, and of course Brenda has to come back to say goodbye to her BFF. Vanessa and Kim would kill those scenes.

    • Oh, man… imagine that instead of bringing VM back for the stupid Balkan story, they’d waited and brought Brenda back to town to support Robin. And then she and Sonny could have reconnected organically the same way they did while Stone was dying, and it would have been heartbreaking but also beautiful. SIGH.

  2. So hey, me again. Just thought I’d rant a bit myself about why this new “Claudia” SL is breaking my heart. Because, you know, people have always said Claudia and Johnny were too close, but I didn’t think so. A bond as strong as theirs is the result of the hell they’ve been through with only each other to rely on, nothing weird about that. And as strange as it may seem, Claudia was the only person in that freakin joint that I could relate to. Because I have a little brother and I too would do anything to keep him safe. There was just something so true and powerful about their relationship. And now I find out that that was all a lie? Nuh-uh officer, not having it. And I won’t believe FOR A SECOND the writers back in 2006 were like “So, we’re gonna introduce this new kid Johnny and his sister, and then in 2012, after she’s been dead for 3 years it’s gonna be revealed that she was actually his mother.” That was NOT planned. Which is why all the “OMG, Claudia being Johnny’s mom explains so much.” really doesn’t explain sh’t, pardon my French. And then there’s genius Sonny with his explanation “That’s why she was hugging you so much.” Yeah. If that was a sign of motherly love, I’d be the mother of half my town. Wow, that sounds slutty. But really, it wasn’t Sonny’s secret to tell anyways. And it sure as hell wasn’t Luke’s place to pass that kind of information on to him, I mean what has Johnny ever done to Luke? And don’t even get me started on the age-difference issue with Claudia and Johnny. I mean, this storyline takes the term ‘bogus’ to a whole new level. And I will forever be heartbroken that they hurt Johnny that much and that they took away my favorite brother sister relationship. Way to go, show. You better fix this.

    • Yeah, I’ve never understood why it was so hard for some people to believe that Claudia could love/be obsessed with Johnny that much if he was “only” her brother. They were raised together in an extremely brutal, abusive home where they were each other’s only friend/protector. The unhealthy obsessiveness of their relationship made perfect sense from that alone.

      And no, there’s no way this was planned from the beginning, or I can’t imagine why they’d have established their ages so close together. If anything, I always kind of assumed they did that as a way to refute all the internet rumors about her being his mom…

  3. PATRICK: This disease is not going to steal who you are, okay? I don’t care what you look like. I don’t care if you’re not strong enough to hold my hand. This is you. This is us.
    ROBIN: I’m scared.

    That was the best part of the episode. Kimberly and Jason are just too good. It helps that the dialogue worked for this scene.

    All through the Sonny/Johnny scenes I yelling at the tv for Johnny to just shoot him right there. Sonny’s glee at all this made me hate him with the fire of a thousand suns. I mean what good does this do Sonny anyway? As far as I can tell, this will make Johnny angrier, and for what? I doubt he was the one to try kill Sonny in the first place.

    The less said about Luke the better. I want someone to kneecap him in the worst way.

    • I guess Sonny could be counting on Johnny and Anthony turning on each other now? But unless they destroy each other utterly, that would probably leave one very pissed off Zacchara for him to deal with in the aftermath. In other words: it’s mean, stupid, and shortsighted. Typical Sonny.

      The less said about Luke the better. I want someone to kneecap him in the worst way.

      WORD.

  4. Dear Frank and Ron,

    Please hire Tenillypo to write for GH. It would finally be worth watching again – funny, moving and something the audience would give a damn about. And Tenillypo is the only one I know who would yank a knot in Luke’s tail (or kneecap him) and get that mess straightened out before it all ends and we are stuck with a legacy that taints something we loved.

    • Ahaha… thank you. But I don’t know that I possess the right skill set to be a soap writer. If such a thing existed, I would love to be a story consultant. (Wouldn’t we all?)

      Fortunately, I have *a lot* of confidence that RC and FV know what they’re doing. If the network gives them free reign, I think we’ll see a change for the better very soon.

  5. I did like when Tracy said she was going to make Anthony’s life so miserable he would beg her for a divorce. If they write it like that it would probably be pretty funny, but I won’t hold my breath.

    Even though he was on another show, Gino Soleito is just the latest victim of character assassination. As far as mobsters go, Gino was very respectful of women and before he fell in love with Tracy he was very lonely, missing his dead wife Rose who was the love of his life and tried dating women his own age (his rotten daughter Carla chased them all away behind his back) and would probably break the kneecaps of anyone who did what they’re saying he did with Claudia.

    • Oh, that’s interesting. I never watched The City, so he’s pretty much a blank slate for me. But color me shocked that they’re not exactly concerned with character accuracy in this thing…

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