You’re probably expecting me to say something about Robin apparently being blown up in a freak toxic lab gas accident yesterday. Which I would. If she had been. But since I refuse (REFUSE!) to believe that they would really kill off Robin Scorpio — or that she could really be dead in the service of saving effing Jason’s far less worthy life — I’m just going to table that rant until we see how this plays out.
(But seriously, they are killing me with this crap. KILLING ME.)
In slightly less depressing news — you guys, you guys! Remember that time we almost lost Dante? (No, not that time he was shot in the chest… or that other time he was shot in the chest.) I’m talking about that time we almost lost his soul when he verged on forgetting Sonny is a self-absorbed, murderous hypocrite who only pays lip service to loving anyone other than himself and who poisons everything he touches?
Then on Friday, we got this:
DANTE: I don’t want your damn protection anymore! I want you behind bars where you belong! And until that happens… you are dead to me.
Dead to him! Of course, we all know this new resolve was doomed to last all of five seconds. Dear Dante: Sonny taking a bullet for you doesn’t change any of the reasons you just told him to go fuck himself! Stay strong!
Oh, well. It was nice while it lasted. (Thanks for nothing, Kate, um, I mean, “mystery shooter.”)
Speaking of Kate, the greatest part about Sonny’s latest display of childish public tantrum throwing is that just about everyone was united in disgust over it. Including Kate, although she appears to have been watching a completely different show:
KATE: Oh, God, I’m a fool!
OLIVIA: For Sonny? Yeah, probably.
KATE: You know, I thought I could make it all right with him. And that would make it all right with me, which is just selfish if you think about it, because… because it’s never going to work.
OLIVIA: He always sabotages the thing that he wants the most.
KATE: His-his children are the thing that matter the most. Nothing is more important to Sonny… than his children.
Okay, let’s back this up. First of all, most sane people would consider the fact that their significant other puts his or her children first to be a GOOD THING.
But second… how in the hell anyone could watch Sonny’s meltdown over the fact that Johnny spoiled a night that was supposed to be about Dante pulmonary medicine how awesome Sonny is (and that’s not just me reading between the lines for the most unflattering interpretation possible; he literally said “Tonight was supposed to be MY night!” in the most outraged tone imaginable) — how anyone could hear that and come to the conclusion that anything other than Sonny’s own enormous, bloated ego is the most important thing to him… is completely beyond me.
Meanwhile, Maxie, in her continued quest to become the only character in the show to rival Sonny in self-absorption and hatefulness, first interrupted Robin at work to harangue her about the mess Maxie has made of her life (and how it’s all Elizabeth’s fault, of course)… and then to yell at Robin for how selfish Robin is for daring to have a good relationship with her mother (!!) and for caring more about saving her patient’s life than fixing Maxie’s problems for her (!!!).
Oh, and to accidentally start the gas leak that definitely did not kill Robin, because LALALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU ROBIN WILL LIVE FOREVER.
Ahem. Then, because that wasn’t quite enough reason to hate her for all eternity, Maxie headed over for an epic confrontation with Matt and Elizabeth at the benefit in which Elizabeth got to bring some old school cat fight mojo, and it was kind of awesome:
ELIZABETH: By the way, until I get my job back, my full time occupation is going to be making your life? A living hell.
Welcome back, Becky Herbst’s delightful bitchface! I’ve missed you!
So, all in all, the last couple of days have been way more watchable than the last several months combined. They weren’t perfect, but I’m seeing better pacing and more character moments already — and this is just with Ron Carlivati’s tweaking of Garin Wolf’s material.
You guys! I am legitimately excited about today’s episode. When was the last time any of us felt that way about this show?