Can someone on this show get a puppy or something?

Hey, remember when Maxie was the worst (non-Sonny) person in the history of the world? And then she sort of killed Robin and didn’t even know it? And all we wanted in the world was for her to realize that she was terrible?

Well, today she did. And it, too, was terrible but in a different way. I still can’t help but wish that Kirsten Storms was here for this story. Her Maxie had more nuance and she had more history with Robin to draw on.

But Jen Lilley really brought it today. I even felt bad for Maxie! Which is something of a miracle, given how wretched she’s been lately!

(Also: how in the hell have we not gotten a single scene with Maxie and Mac yet? Effing Padilla has had a chance to give Mac her condolences but not his own daughter? C’mon, RC! Make it happen!)

Oh, look: it’s Todd. HI, TODD! I MISSED YOU! I also missed TODD HUGS, which have been scientifically proven to be both awesome and also usually heart-rending:

So, we got a truckload of exposition about what’s been happening back in Llanview in the last month or so. To wit: everyone still thinks Victor is dead and Todd killed him (psst, non-OLTL viewers: he’s not, and Todd didn’t — but Todd doesn’t know that. It’s… complicated), everyone is SUPER PISSED at Todd because of it and also because of that pesky little kidnapping-and-framing-for-murder thing with Tomás, who is now back together with Blair. Oh, and Todd has apparently broken the terms of his bail to be in Port Charles for Starr.

Also, did I mention that Blair is really, really mad at Todd? Because she is. And you know… rightly so, especially from her perspective. But not so mad that she could stop herself from leaning on him after breaking the news that his sweet little peanut is dead. (Oh, peanut…)

Kassie DePaiva broke my fucking heart here, by the way. But seriously — can we get a moratorium on vehicular toddler death on this show after this? Or really, on any kind of toddler death? That would be nice. I AM RUNNING OUT OF TEARS, HERE. Soon, there will be NO TEARS LEFT and I’ll have to become a TEAR VAMPIRE to steal them from other people, or something equally disturbing.

(True story: because I hate myself, after yesterday’s episode, I fell into a YouTube hole and ended up watching the first ten minutes of “The Body” right before bed. NEVER DO THIS. It will only lead to endless snot, and you won’t be able to sleep for hours because you cannot breath and your eyes hurt from sobbing, and you just really want to call your mother but you can’t because it’s after midnight.)

(If you read the above and wondered, “hey, what’s ‘The Body,'” don’t click that link. Turn on Netflix  and just start watching Buffy: the Vampire Slayer from the beginning. Go on. I’ll wait. Let me know when you get to season five. Then we’ll cry together.)

Meanwhile, is there an award for “Best Silent Reaction To Excessive Scenery Chewing”? Because I think Brandon Barash won it today:

I didn’t realize how much I needed the sight of him scuttling around with fear and WHAT IS THIS FRESH FUCKERY in his eyes, but damn if that wasn’t strangely hilarious and satisfying. Bruce Weitz, no doubt invigorated by the competition of Kelly Sullivan’s dedication to throwing herself 100% into batshit insanity, was especially on fire. I mean, it wasn’t hand puppets awesome or anything, but it was still pretty entertaining.

Connie From The Block, of course, continues to be a train wreck of epic proportions. But at least it’s something different from the usual lather, rinse, repeat of her desperately groveling for Sonny’s attention?

Then, this happened:

KONNIE: Johnny, I guaran-damn-tee you, sex with me will be hotter than it ever was with cousin Liv.
JOHNNY: Sure about that?
KONNIE: Yeah, Liv’s a sweet girl. She’s nurturing, mother type. Me? I don’t want kinds and I don’t give a damn about your feelings.

Which just reminded me of this, and how much I miss seeing nurturing, maternal “cousin Liv” stripped down to her fancy skivvies for a man who isn’t orange and annoying and cheating on her with a HELL CLOWN:

Dear Ron Carlivati: less Johnny/Carly, more JOLIVIA HOTNESS, please.

With much love,
Me

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8 thoughts on “Can someone on this show get a puppy or something?

  1. Seriously. Although the drama is good. Someone needs to cut through this depression with something good. I kept yelling at Johnny to go find Olivia and tell her that her cousin has lost her marbles. Organic opportunity for them to spend some time together! Heh.

    Also, I love that Connie is doing everything in her power to try to get Kate away from Sonny (Just realized that Konnie is Connie/Kate, I’m a sharp one).

    • If Johnny doesn’t warn Olivia about Konnie (heh) I will… probably write an angry blog post about it. See if I don’t!

      I did like that he pointed out how gross it would be for him to sleep with her while she was clearly not in her right mind. It’s the little things, you know? Like not having your leading men be rapists.

  2. Tomás is still around. I hope that means TK will make an appearance on GH. They could tie Tomas and Lorenzo together. Maybe recast his son with a stronger actor and not do another Diego redux (angry son) with Sebastian.

    The scene with Todd and Blair was really nice. They both looked devastated to lose little Peanut, who I think will turn out to be captured by the same people holding Victor and Robin. I wonder if someone will contact Marty about what happened to Cole.

    Liked that Johnny is the Anti-Ford. Konnie is… Konnie, I suppose.

    • Yeah, I wasn’t around for the Ford/Tess business, but from what I’ve heard… I’m hoping the blow back from that taught RC a lesson he won’t need repeating.

  3. I love how Johnny replied, “sure about that?” in regards to Olivia. The competition is harder than Connie thinks!

    BB was great. I’m ready for Anthony to go but the sight of his little head sticking out over the railing watching Connie/Johnny amused.

    Thank you for linking to hand puppets! I’ve been hearing about it for years but never saw the actual episode.

    • I stayed up waaaay too late searching through YouTube for that puppets clip (why don’t people label things with the stuff that really matter, I ask you?). Worth it!

  4. Jen Lilley is doing a good job as Sub-Maxie. It was a tall order to carry that scene out in relation to two legacy characters. Let me tell you that scene between Johnny and Coo-Coo for Cocoa-Puff Connie was desk pounding hilariously funny. “Does Connie have her own phone line”. Priceless!

    • I have so much sympathy for JL. She’s been dropped into a really difficult position and faced a lot of cruelty from fans. It’s not her fault the writing for Maxie has been so awful up until now. Hopefully, better things are to come…

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