Robin’s funeral today! I plan on getting preemptively drunk. Just so you know.
But before we get to that, though, a hell of a lot happened in the last two days. First up: Blair and Carly! And look how cute they are:
This is the moment of the OLTL crossover I’ve been most looking forward to ever since the promo with these two clinking glasses first came out. Watching them meet was totally fascinating — I’ve always thought that Blair is basically what Carly should have been. You know, if she’d ever truly been allowed to grow up. So they could really either hate each other on sight… or get along like a house on fire.
Guess which route Carlivati chose!
CARLY: Here’s to no more men with lousy childhoods.
BLAIR: Oh, God. Amen to that, sister!
Oh, you adorable ladies! Of course, Téa will always be Blair’s true lady love, but please feel free to be besties forever and get drunk on Scotch while making fun of your mutual terrible taste in men! (One of my favorite things about soaps is when they allow their characters to acknowledge how ludicrous their lives are. Blair trying to explain that she’d married Todd five times but this Todd only three? So beautiful to me.)
Meanwhile, their crazy, soon-to-be star-crossed kids were busy doing some parallel bonding over their love for their violent, criminal fathers. Here’s the thing: while I understand wanting to integrate her into the canvas with a bang, um, how shall I say this diplomatically? Heavy angst does perhaps not play to Kristen Alderson’s acting strengths. But… I don’t care? I mean, I get why people find Starr annoying. I do! But I effing love her. I don’t know why. I just do. And I think she actually did a decent job the last couple days with the veering wildly back and forth between anger/sadness and manic/calm.
Plus she made Michael kind of reasonable on the subject of his father! Which is something of a minor miracle!
MICHAEL: Look, I want you to have the truth about how you lost your family. Whatever that turns out to be.
STARR: It’s weird, I know your dad did it, but for your sake, I wish he didn’t.
So, yeah. I’m liking these two together so far. It probably helps that Starr is fully realized character in her own right and not just a generic, one-dimensional pretty face whose sole purpose is making Michael feel more like a man. If they can build a slow friendship over their shared grief and fucked up family histories, I think this could really work.
And finally, we got the big Sonny and Todd meeting! Of course, the number of times Sonny’s gone off half-cocked accusing the wrong person of hurting one of his children practically guaranteed that this entire confrontation would be something of a delight. My only real disappointment is that Todd didn’t have him beaten and locked in a padded room for days. But there’s always next time?
I have to capture Todd’s wide-legged stance here, because it cracked me up:
TODD: Oh no, no. I understand. Come on, I’ve met guys like you. I understand. I understand you’re used to getting your way. I understand you’re used to intimidating people. I understand that you’ve never been held accountable for anything you’ve ever done. But all that’s about the change.
(… says the gang rapist who is currently breaking bail for his brother’s murder. Kidding! Victor’s alive and Todd served at least several months of prison time for that rape. Bygones!)
No, but seriously, I love how completely he nailed the essence du Sonny in about five seconds flat. And as long as we’re stuck with Sonny perpetually going up against some new antagonist (which it seems like some inexplicable portion of the audience really still likes? Yeah, I don’t know either) it’s kind of refreshing to have it be a non-mobster who is more than a match for him.
TODD: He destroyed my daughter’s entire life.
CARLY: If he did, he will be tried and convicted. [Ed. note: Pause here for MANIACAL LAUGHTER. Go on. I’ll wait.]
TODD: I’m the only one that will get Starr justice.
AHAHAHAHA! Yes, I’m sure the PCPD will get right on that. But actually, they really might, because guess who’s finally in the house? MCBAIN! The OLTL character I care least about but who is probably most desperately needed on this show!
Sidebar: every time someone says McBain’s name, all I can think of is The Simpsons character. It’s especially appropriate, given his entrance today was made by shooting a gun at the ceiling of the courthouse, because sure! Why not?
ANYWAY. They established McBain’s past with Sonny, which works pretty well, IMO. And although it looks like he and all the rest of the OLTL folks are heading back to Llanview for the moment, I’m actually looking forward to his return. Lord knows the PCPD could use at least one cop who isn’t doesn’t have massive conflicts of interest with all their cases.
Speaking of which, possibly evil!Padilla has gotten super foxy, lately. Not as foxy as Lulu, though! Good job, stylists!
(That is… an awful lot of eyeliner for a day job though, Lulu. I’ll let it pass because you’re a newlywed working with your husband. THIS ONCE.)
Elsewhere: Steve killed a man in Memphis just to… steal his organs and give them to a teenage violinist. Um… okay? Whatever, I’m just glad we’re finally seeing some movement in this story no one cares about. And his sister’s heartbreaking kindness to Maxie was a really nice moment for both women. (Psst… Carlivati. Can these two become true frenemies now? Pretty please?)
But… oh boy. Then there was this sequence of events:
… which completely grossed me out on every level. WTF, Johnny. What the actual fuck. If he still sleeps with her after this (and by “sleeps with” I mean RAPES and I really, really hope the show realizes that) I will be So. Damn. Angry.
The lone silver lining was that we also got: “I… AM KATE… HOWARD!”
And lo, it was truly awesome.
Mainly, though, I’m at a point where I just want Olivia to find Kate and help her, because clearly Johnny cannot be trusted to meet the minimum requirements for human decency right now, and her distress is starting to go from funny to disturbing for me.
Finally, and I swear this will probably be my last word on the subject — for a while at least — I wanted to point out a few sections of this interview with Tristan Rogers that are kind of relevant to the point I was trying to make in my last post:
Q. How has the new team from “One Life to Live” affected the vibe onset?
A. The vibe is a very positive one, which it hasn’t been in a long time. Having people running the show that know what they’re doing is a great energy booster. It remains to be seen whether this translates to the public. I’m not going to sugarcoat the pill: The “General Hospital” audience has been bated and switched so many times over the last ten years. Now, they’ve got a confidence problem. Yes, this is going to be a whole lot better, but we need the public to give us a chance. These guys have only had this show for a month and it takes at least that to make any change stick.
Q. I received a great question from a fan who wondered what fans can do to help daytime and “General Hospital” if they don’t have a Nielsen box tracking their viewing.
A. It’s important to put a positive spin on it. It’s not going to perfect, and it never has been. Even back in the ’80s, it wasn’t perfect! The most important piece of social media out there is probably Twitter. I don’t know why it’s become such a mainstream thing, but it has and is something that the companies follow. They look at the twitter comments, whereas they don’t seem to care about the soap websites. Little posts count for a lot. If someone twittering brings back five other viewers, and those five viewers speak to five other people, etc., etc., then you start to get a positive effect. [Emphasis mine.]
I feel you, Tristan Rogers. Team Think Positive for the win!