Couldn’t have happened to a nicer HELL CLOWN.

You know, up until now, my interest in everything about this “Steve’s a murderer!” story has been pretty much zero bordering on Zzzzzzzzzz… sorry, I dozed off trying to think of a word to convey the strength of my not caring about Steve.

But you guys, Heather Webber is my new girlfriend! I mean, I already loved her, because, you know… Heather. Today, though, she really outdid herself. Because just when I was wondering how Steve could be even more boring when he wasn’t even on screen, things took a turn for the AWESOME. Yes, that’s right: Heather pulled out her signature maniacal grin, served up some special iced tea, and rid us of Maggie’s painful overly-precise enunciation once and for all!

HEATHER: You really shouldn’t have called me crazy.
MAGGIE: *FLOP*

My love for that moment cannot be textually rendered, y’all. I had to rewatch the FLOP like five times in a row before deleting the episode. It was that amazing.

Even more amazing? Despite my disappointment in the on-going Johnny/Konnie shenanigans — and more on that below — the rest of the show has been pretty much ON FIRE these last few days. So many great little scenes! Like Luke — once again exhibiting concern for both Tracy and Lulu in a way that makes him seem like a human being! (I’m… agog, frankly.)

Then there’s Carly and Sam’s beautiful frenemies talk today:

CARLY: Oh, God.
SAM: What?
CARLY: I think we just had a girlfriend moment.

OH GOD, indeed. I would be so happy to see them slip into bantery animosity masking true affection. Make it happen, RC! I know you know how. This show desperately needs some girlfriends.

And speaking of frenemies and ladies I really wish had more girlfriends, Elizabeth had another really nice conversation with Jason, this time dispensing some much needed marital advice about TALKING TO HIS DAMN WIFE, ALREADY. Liz helping Sam deal with the rape has been something I’ve been rooting for since it happened, so I’m glad she finally knows. But I really hope the irony of Jason spilling an incredibly personal secret to another woman (and then to Sonny!) like that while in the midst of complaining about Sam spilling personal secrets to another man was intentional.

Because seriously Jason? SHUT THE EFF UP ALREADY. You can’t complain your wife doesn’t talk to you about anything and then tell her that talking doesn’t solve anything whenever she does try to start a conversation! And you can’t whinge on about her confiding in someone else WHILE YOU’RE CONFIDING IN OTHER PEOPLE.

Or, you can, because clearly, you already have. But don’t expect me not to want to give you a swift kick in the crotch over it.

(And yes, I get why Sam talking to John about this stuff and keeping secrets from her husband would be hurtful to Jason. I even think he’s entitled to be a little miffed. But some empathy and perspective would be nice, considering that, you know… she’s dealing with a lot of shit right now, too. LIKE LEARNING SHE WAS RAPED BY A PSYCHOPATH AND IS CARRYING HIS BABY. You know, little things like that. Which might make a person react in less than ideal ways? And warrant some extra leeway instead of silent rage and interrogation about how she hasn’t handled everything in a way that privileges his delicate widdle feelings?)

In conclusion: SHUT UP FOREVER, JASON.

Meanwhile, over at Maxie’s sentencing, Mac continues to kill me:

MAC: You know, when Georgie was murdered, I thought, “Okay. It can’t get any worse than this.” Now Robin? Maxie? [voice breaking] I can’t…
ANNA: You can! Because you’re a Scorpio, for God’s sake.
MAC: Without my girls, Anna, I don’t know who I am!

OH MY HEART.

But that’s not all, because: FELICIA!!! Yay! She was never my favorite character, but I hate that they made her a deadbeat and I’m always glad to see her come back.

I love Mac getting the chance to lay into her for leaving him to do all the hard work and then thinking she still has a right to breeze back in whenever she feels like it. I’m sure they’ll make up a little before she goes. (Assuming that Kristina Wagner isn’t staying?) And I want them to. But he deserves to yell at her a lot first.

And then, of course, Jen Lilley got to pick up the gauntlet of publicly ripping her mother a new one which Kirsten Storms so masterfully threw down the last time Felicia was in town:

MAXIE: You’re a terrible mother. And I’m a terrible daughter. So let’s not pretend otherwise.

Short, blunt, and cruel! I like it.

Meanwhile, Matt comforted Patrick (who’s apparently auditioning for the role of post-apocalyptic fisherman in his spare time, judging by his current appearance?) some more…

… and promised to be more a part of the family from now on. This, of course, was meant to be ironic, as the truth that he was the one to kill Lisa in a drunken (and hilarious!) stupor is about to come out. Which is all well and good. I mean, I really could not care less who got Lisa off our screens, so long as she stays dead and this ridiculously drawn out “mystery” ends, once and for all.

HOWEVER. If we actually lose Matt over the accidental “murder” of an unstable psychopath who was on that boat to KILL THEM ALL and whose death was pretty much a public service… then I will flip my shit. Not to mention flat out reach through the screen and strangle Spinelli if he has the balls to spend one more second bemoaning the “injustice” of Matt not paying for his “crimes.”

(Spinelli said that. SPINELLI! The same man who enjoys playing house with a hit man, doing tech support for the mob, and who once explained his failure to even try to stop the cold-blooded murder of a cop with the following: “I’m of the belief that what’s set in motion has to take its due course without outside interference.” Dear Spinelli: take your self-righteous outrage and shove it all the way up your unbelievable hypocritical ass. HATE!)

Speaking of Matt and Spinelli, I want to congratulate the writers for finally figuring out how to shoehorn product placement into the show without it being awkward and horrifying. But Cameron and Spinelli both loving the Avengers is actually in character, and the whole scenario of Matt taking Cam out as a favor for Elizabeth is plausible enough not to grate.

Not to mention utterly adorable, as all things Cameron always are:

ADORBS!

Of course, it can’t be all sunshine and roses. Because the saga of Konnie and Johnny (aka the dirt bag I used to love)  continues. The bad news is we got confirmation that they weren’t just faking for Sonny’s benefit. (Goddamnit.) The slightly less bad news is that at least someone on the show seems to have a slight clue about how gross that makes Johnny:

KATE: Don’t touch me! What kind of person are you, taking advantage of me?
JOHNNY: She wouldn’t take no for an answer!
KATE: Connie wouldn’t take no — you knew I wasn’t Connie and you did it anyway!
JOHNNY: If I would have said no, she would have found some other poor, unsuspecting guy, lured him into bed, and Sonny would have walked in.

Oh, I see! The old “if I didn’t rape you, someone else would have!” defense. Well, that certainly absolves you of all moral responsibility, Johnny! Do you have any more scintillating thoughts about the matter? You do? Oh, good:

JOHNNY: I’m sorry, but you showed up here of your own free will
KATE: Connie showed up here, all right. And instead of helping her — or at least sending her away — you had sex with me against my will.
JOHNNY: No, no, no… the woman who showed up here was very willing and incredibly eager. It’s not my fault that you changed your mind. [Ed. note: !!!]
KATE: I was out of my mind! Literally! And you knew that, Johnny.

Um, yeah. Pretty much.

To Johnny’s (miniscule) credit, some of that did appear to sink in, and hearing Anthony’s gleeful reaction seemed like the final nail in the “oh, crap, I guess I am a skeevy asshole” coffin:

JOHNNY: Kate wasn’t a willing participant. She’s a mentally ill woman. I took advantage of that. […] Screw Sonny! I’m the one who has to pay for what I did! I took advantage of a mentally unstable woman, and I may have lost Carly forever.

Right, sure. You’ve just realized you’re pretty much a rapist, but hey — you’ve also lost a three week relationship with a woman you care about so much that you were willing to betray her for some shallow revenge. Perspective!

(I did love his insistence that Carly needed to hear the whole story — like, in what world is “I knowingly had sex with a mentally disturbed woman for revenge against your ex” better than just “I had sex with another woman because I was horny”? Johnny… is a moron.)

Today, he was thisclose to finally doing the right thing and actually trying to help her… before wussing out again. (Le sigh.) Bad Johnny! No cookie for you!

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23 thoughts on “Couldn’t have happened to a nicer HELL CLOWN.

  1. when jason went off on [REDACTED] he had just learned the news, b/c she hadn’t told him that she was taking another test b/c franco was his twin, HE had just found out. then that same night he hears from her mother that she lied to him AGAIN. yes he shouldn’t have told Liz about the “rape” but Liz is not a cop and does not blab his business to anybody, which he has learned from the 13yrs of their friendship. she has hidden him, saved him and the [REDACTED] he is married to many times, even when it could have cost her her life,job,family and freedom.

    [REDACTED] told JASON’S personal things to a cop, that she knows is trying to take down her husband’s partner which could then put jason in jail also, that she doesn’t know i don’t care how many references they make to “knowing each other” as of when she blurted out personal stuff, not just hers, she did not know him. she showed him the test results before jason even knew there was a test. and when jason asked her about it , she lied AGAIN to his face. i mean give the guy some time to process everything. yes you were raped and he was stalked by his twin that he then killed his brother, now the kid isn’t his, and you had time to process this. but this is the same kid that not too long ago you said would probably be better if you lost it since you didn’t know if it was a fronkey.

    and in no way do i want Liz helping the [REDACTED] who watched her baby get kidnapped then went to liz’s house to taunt her that jake may be dead. why doesn’t she just [REDACTED] sleep with his twin like she told emily to who had been raped by her huisband’s identical twin, or hire a male prostitute since that is what she did for the teenage rape victim michael. and i may sound horrible but i may have felt sorrier for her if she hadn’t used sex as a weapon so many times in the past. and if she was so worried about having a fronkey baby go get the morning after pill. i can understand the showering and not wanting to go to the dr, but she could go to the pharmacy and get the pill. and when she found out the “baby was jason’s” she was fine, even though she still was not sure if she was raped or not, she was all over jason.

    i know some will be mad at my thoughts, but they are my thoughts. i was just not feeling [REDACTED] pain, and no i’m not a [REDACTED] fan at all but a much younger RH did a much better job with her rape storyline 14yrs ago, you could see her pain and not wanting to be around men.

    • Liz got raped better than Sam did! We’re back at that? A disturbing place to be.

      Jason is an ass. He’s now told TWO people about Sam’s private business in the same breath he’s complaining to them about her doing the same. Sam had about a day to “process” being pregnant by her rapist (therefore confirming to her that she was indeed raped), and I don’t think any woman would consider that enough time. He has offered her zero support since finding out, basically confirming her worst fears.

      (I too would like to see Liz help Sam through this, since Liz has enough compassion to understand that someone’s past bad deeds doesn’t mean they deserve to be raped or that it makes it any less traumatic and horrifying.)

    • This comment in in violation of site rules, as I know you are well aware. It was edited this time. The next one will be flat out removed. I don’t know why this is such a hard concept to grasp, but not liking Sam is allowed here. Calling her gendered insults isn’t. Stop. It.

      In response to your actual points, I really don’t know what to say beyond what I said in the actual post, i.e. “I get why Sam talking to John about this stuff and keeping secrets from her husband would be hurtful to Jason. I even think he’s entitled to be a little miffed. But some empathy and perspective would be nice.”

  2. I liked the Sam/Carly moment except the music guy almost ruined it by playing loud, inexpicably poignant piano music during it. What was up with that, music guy?

    “Right, sure. You’ve just realized you’re pretty much a rapist, but hey — you’ve also lost a three week relationship with a woman you care about so much that you were willing to betray her for some shallow revenge. Perspective!”

    Both Johnny and Carly acting like their relationship was some huge love affair is so silly. It’s not Ethan/Woman in white levels of ridiculousness but it’s up there.

    • Well, to be fair, Ethan/Woman in White levels of ridiculousness represents a pinnacle of overreaction that any other couple would be hard pressed to match…

  3. “Shut up forever, Jason!”
    WORD!! He always does it, he’s no saint yet he gets to point at everyone else? Dear writers, you are NOT required to follow Guza and Wolf’s pattern of making JASON the voice of moral condemnation, and you are also not required to write the victimization of women, so please stop. You are also not required to make Felicia a horrible mother.

    And these comments about Sam being raped? NOT. COOL. Rape is horrible for ANYONE, no matter how much you hate Sam, there is no need to be crass and cruel.

    The above reasons are why I am done with GH. I mean done. I can’t watch a show where a woman is pregnant by her rapist, and her hitman husband gets to be righteously angry. The proverbial Titanic is sinking and no one is trying to save it, it seems.

    • I do think we’re supposed to think Jason is being an ass. Which is one of the reasons I’m actually enjoying the show 150% more right now that I did at any point in the last 8 years or so. I’m also quite certain that we’ll eventually find out it’s really his baby. Probably not realistic to hope Sam will tell him to shove it when that happens, but a girl can dream, right? In the meantime, I really enjoyed their scenes yesterday, which seemed much more to be about her POV than his.

      • So the writers are making him look hypocritical? Wow, kudos writers. Maybe it’s to soon to give up. I hope it does turn out to be Jason. Jason is not ideal father material, but I’d rather Jason be the father than Franco! People wanting Franco to be the father are so wrong. I hope Sam DOES tell him to shove it, likely she won’t, but yes we can dream. Too bad LuSam is no longer an option.

        I was watching Felicia’s scenes in BJ’s death, what happened to her? The writers have screwed her over!

        • Well, Sam basically called him out on everything I said above — that it wasn’t fair that she wasn’t allowed to talk to a stranger, but he could blab her personal secrets to Elizabeth. She told him that the way he couldn’t even look at her made her feel tainted, and that she didn’t have the luxury of choosing whether or not to accept this baby. And then she moved out so he could get his shit together. It was pretty satisfying for me, I won’t lie.

          Felicia… oy. What happened was basically KW left the show, whether of her own volition or not, and Guza was too lazy to maintain the fiction that she was still a part of her daughters’ lives off screen. And then they SORASed Maxie and Georgie so it seemed like she’d been gone even longer than she really was. When she came back for Georgie’s funeral, she revealed that she’d really been running around with Frisco this whole time, having adventures. It… was pretty terrible.

          • Go Sam!! While I am not a huge JaSammer, or Sam fan, I do feel she doesn’t deserve this. Jason needs to remember his wedding vows and do some soul searching if he wants to be a dad. I remember when Sam gave Sonny the “chosen few” speech in 2007, she was bang on. Granted, what she did to Jake was awful, what she said about how Sonny, Jason and Carly can do whatever they want with no consequences was so true. Maybe she’ll deliver a rant like that again!

            You summed it up with Felicia. You can almost say “What happened to GH? Guza happened”. Felicia’s return for Georgie’s funeral was awful, and the whole bit with running around with Frisco? Lame. This doesn’t look to shape any better. KW deserves better if she’s to come back, she can act, she showed that with BJ’s deth.

            Oh, and Luke acting like a decent human being? Am I dreaming? If so, don’t wake me. Thank you, writers, for correcting that. And for fixing Elizabeth and remembering what a kind person she really is. A scene with Liz comforting Sam would be gold. It’s the kind of thing she would do. Carly and Sam’s almost girlfriend talk was nice. “We almost had a girl friend moment!” Scary, but true. Nice to see Carly being sympathetic not just selfish.

  4. I’m probably alone in this opinion but I’ll miss Maggie and her portrayer Kodi Kitchen because she was different. For one thing unlike too many female residents of PC she had a job. I personally liked her because she looked dang HOT in doctors garb and unlike the other women on the show she never had a bad hair day or constantly changed her hairstyle cough JMBerman cough. She was a character untarnished by Sonny or Jason and surprise was a doctor in General Hospital. Lastly,I was disappointed her death scene was so bland. I was hoping for a horrified look of shock when she realized Heather drugged her. Nope nothing.

    • What women in PC don’t have jobs? If you mean we rarely see some of them actually doing their jobs, then sure. But pretty much everyone has something, right?

      Anyway, I’m sure you’re not alone in appreciating Maggie, because the first rule of the internet is that if you can think of it, there’s a fandom for it somewhere (and also, someone will be writing porn about it). But I feel fairly confident she was unpopular in general, and I think RC made a wise choice to cut his losses and focus attention on other, more established characters. I, too, know the pain of mourning a side character no one else gives a crap about, however. (COOOOOOOOOOP! I will never forget!) So you have my condolences.

      • I liked Logan when he was around, so you have my understanding. I liekd Coop too. I never cared for Maggie, she didn’t have much point IMO, GH has too much cast and not enough stories, so watering down the extras is a good idea. However, I get your pain. As for SPin, if he wants to complain about unpunished criminals, why not start by looking at Jason or Sonny? They’ve done way worse and have never been punished.

        • The soap opera that killed off characters the best in my opinion was Edge of Night. Practically any character was fair game to Henry Slesar an excellent mystery writer who had no problem killing off popular characters to write a great story. GH for one seems to remove characters for no reason. Before Maggie and Cassandra there was Siobhan whose murder has never been solved. Sorry,but Werewolf Boy Lucky wasn’t credible as a cop. I like McBain & Dante working together today. They came across as legit policeman to me.

          • Who do you mean by werewolf Lucky? JJ? If that’s who you mean, I agree JJ isn’t credible as a cop, GV suited the cop role better. JJ was to slight and emotional to be a cop (and I did like JJ) McBain and Dante work as cops.

        • God, Logan looked so much like Scotty Baldwin…what a waste of perfect casting that was. Wish they found him now with these writers rather than earlier in the Guza days.
          I do feel bad for any fans of Maggie, but as a Heather fan from way back I was lovin her first murder since her return.
          As for Johnny…I can’t believe he thinks telling Carly all about Kate’s D.I.D. makes it all ok. Really?…All that does is make you look worse and give Kate/Connie an excuse….IDIOT!

          • Logan . . .don’t get me started on waht a horrible exit he had :( If he was written now think of how good it could be. Guza ruined GH, it was all about the mob. Heather’s return could be good, please don’t disappoint, writers. Johnny having sex with a woman with DID makes it even worse! He had sex with a clearly unstable woman who’s consent is questionable. All because Sonny humiliated him. . .grow up!

          • What if Luke and Tracy use Heather to scare the hell out of Anthony? Anthony divorces Tracy but after a good nights sleep due to some doctored tea Anthony wakes up to find he’s married to Heather. This is Heathers payback for Johnny putting Steve in jail.

          • Real talk: I hated Logan with a burning passion. He was a great casting choice and they wasted the opportunity utterly, but man… hated that smug asshole so much.

            Still hoping that Kin Shriner will be brought back with a SORASed Serena in tow at some point, though.

    • Logan Hayes. Another of Scotty Baldwin’s long-lost adult children. The actor was eerily believable as Kin Shriner’s kid, but the character was pretty much a hot mess from start to finish, and by the time he was killed by Lulu in self-defense, I was cheering. Well, and rolling my eyes, because that story was awful.

      • I completely missed those years of GH. I work third shift and probably was sleeping during the hours until the more recent Head writer Garin Wolfe promised changes and new stories which took forever to tell. To RC Colas credit he has ended crappy stories well (Hooker attacker,Steve & Maggies secret,No more Franko TG) and gave us some new transplants from OLTL that worked. All Guza seemed to do was set up the new pins/characters and knock up them down with few characters spared. It got old very fast so I stopped watching and used that time elsewise.

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