Look at your life, Todd Manning. Look at your choices…

… because they are always TERRIBLE.

So, baby swap! I know it’s an overused cliche on soaps in general, but General Hospital actually hasn’t done a good old fashioned swap story in a long time, and I would be fully on board with this one going down, except… enough with the dead babies, already! Seriously! We just got past Starr in shriek and cry mode 24/7 and now we’ve got to go straight into Sam — and then, presumably, Téa? — doing the same? DO NOT WANT.

And I wish they could have had Heather engineer the switch without making Todd complicit. Not because it’s out of character. But, damn. This is going to hurt bad when the truth comes out:

TODD: I know what it’s like to have something inside of you that needs revenge. To hurt the people that have hurt you. But that’s how I felt about Victor, and look where that got everybody. Let’s do better, huh? Right? Let’s be people who don’t do things that they later regret.

Killing me! He is killing me with all this mature retrospection piled on top of seeing Sam grieving over “her” baby’s corpse and not confessing the truth to her immediately. Todd! Stop being a freaking soap opera character and actually do the thing that makes sense for you to do! Argh!

Also killing me: Kelly Monaco, as she always does with material like this. And I really, really, really need to see Sam kicking Jason’s sorry ass repeatedly when she finds out the reason why she was alone in her time of need.

(Although the amount of disbelief that needs to be suspended to believe that there was no one else at Sam’s hotel who could give her a ride to the hospital — no one at the front desk, no other guests, no one? — or that this hotel happened to be right beside the closed road in the middle of the woods where Todd, Téa and Heather’s corpse disposal service were all camped out… is pretty spectacular. SOAPS!)

Speaking of Heather, her and Todd’s completely casual acceptance of dead Anthony in the wheel barrow out back was so hilarious to me.  Match made in crazy soap schemer heaven, Y/Y?

TODD: I killed his father. I took-took Téa’s husband away from her. How can I tell her I took her son away too?
HEATHER: You killed this baby’s father?
TODD: Shot him. Point blank.
HEATHER: [suddenly interested] Just curious — why aren’t you in prison?

I love her almost professional interest in how he got away with murder. Heather Webber, you guys! She’s like  my favorite thing ever! I think maybe the thing I appreciate most about her is that her craziness is so consistent. Heather’s not a supervillian; she’s  not out there creating chaos for its own sake. She’s the hero of her story, saving people who deserve it and punishing those who have “wronged” her. Everything she does makes sense, from her own, twisted point of view.

And just when you think she’s going to veer into complete over-the-top, clownish crazy territory, Robin Mattson reins Heather in and lets a bit of her human side peek through, as with her sincere sadness at having to tell Todd the baby was gone:

TODD: He was just born.
HEATHER: I know it’s not fair. I wish I could save everyone.

Todd’s also gotten to show his soft underbelly a bit the last few days. As monstrous as what he’s doing now is, I’m at least glad to see evidence of the fact that he and Téa do actually care about each other:

TODD: I hated Victor. I never hated Téa.

I mean, I knew that already, but it was good to hear it from his lips, you know?  And good, I think, for the GH-only audience to see him being something other than horrible to her; even if being horrible to each other makes up half of Todd and Tea’s normal modus operandi, there’s always been genuine affection there too.

Which is going to make this betrayal even worse when she finally discovers the truth. Oh, it’s going to break my little heart, isn’t it? I’m wincing and weeping in advance, people. DO NOT WANT!

Elsewhere, Spinelli remains so punchable, it’s not even funny:

SPINELLI: I should have stayed silent and kept the promise that I make to Maxie and then none of this would have happened.
MAC: She’d be spending a 20 year sentence in Pentonville if you didn’t.
FELICIA: My daughter is free because of you. I’m forever grateful.
SPINELLI: I too rejoice at her freedom, but at what cost? I’m sorry, but these nuptials are not only a farce, they are a mistake of cataclysmic proportions! Dr. Matt Hunter can’t make Maxie happy the way I can! He can’t anticipate her thoughts, he can’t decode her moods!

Right, because she should definitely be with the man who loves her so much that he’d honestly rather she be in prison than married to another man. He sure understands her needs and has her best interests at heart!

(Not to mention the fact that all this gnashing and wailing is over the fact that she’s spending her wedding night with the man she’s been dating and sleeping with for close to a year — which occurred after Spinelli broke up with her for cheating on him. I guess he just anticipated her thoughts so well and made her so happy that she couldn’t help but treat him like crap!)

Of course, Maxie’s not that much a prize herself, and the show’s apparent insistence on turning her into a martyr over what amounts to a ridiculously short-sighted and selfish tantrum is driving me a little bonkers:

MATT: It just blows my mind what you did — that, you know, you went to jail for me.
MAXIE: Yeah, well, I hadn’t exactly realized how horrible it would be.

Yeah, prison is unpleasant! Who knew?

Also: EARTH TO MATT HUNTER: Maxie didn’t go to jail for you. (She did have an innocent woman killed for you, but hey! Not even the prosecutor seems to remember than anymore, so bygones, I guess?)

No, she went to jail for herself, because she felt guilty about what a horrible person she was to Robin before she died, and she wanted to be punished in the most dramatic and hurtful way to the people who loved her. And to do so she opened up a completely closed case and landed you both in your current predicament. SO STOP THANKING HER. GOD.

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10 thoughts on “Look at your life, Todd Manning. Look at your choices…

  1. When DID GH last do a baby swap? Enough with dead children, for sure! We had enough of that while Guza was in charge to last us a lifetime, esp with Jake who was kidnapped twice and then hurt in the carnival accident. Hope died. Let’s leave children alone. Aww, poor Sam :( I hope she tells Jason “You weren’t there for me, in fact you have NEVER been there for me, when I needed you most, you had your chance and we are DONE” and she raises this baby on her own, and Jason is left to stew in his own juices. He had McBain b/c Sam kept turning to him. Sam turned to McBain because you were too self-righteous and stuck in your own misery to be supportive, Jason! Kelly Monaco is a great actress, she really nailed baby Lila’s death, and she’ll be great in this too. I hope the writers give Sam some real direction, not just there to prop Jason, because KeMo deserves and Sam needs her own story.

    • I don’t think GH ever HAS done a baby swap. Someone on another board mentioned that Laura’s origins were kind of a baby swap but that wasn’t done on screen.

      • Technically, woudn’t Lucas Jones’ birth be a baby swap? Since Cheryl was told he was still born, they would have had to switch babies.

      • They definitely haven’t done one in my memory, but I’ve only by watching since the early 90s. I figured there must have been something earlier? I don’t know, you guys can school me. :)

        • I’m no expert, I just hope Sam gets her baby back soon and she and Alexis let Jason have it. I LOVED Anna going after Jason, GO ANNA!

          • Yeah!!…Anna dragging him downtown to let him know how it’s gonna be…loved it! Jason knew being a criminal wasn’t going to be fun and games anymore. Making Anna commisioner was a great move!

      • I think you’re right…I only remember Laura being swapped and that was off screen…Diana Taylor adopting Steven Lars after he was sold by Heather and then no one knowing it was him except Heather was kind of like a baby swap but not quite.

        • It’s maybe a variant on the classic babyswap but doesn’t fully count, I don’t think. We need an ontology of soap plots! [/nerd]

  2. This baby switch story is classic soap, which is what’s been missing during ‘The Guza Gangster Chronicles’ period. I am on the edge of my seat right now and loving it!…Todd’s anguish in making this characteristically bad decision (what’s he gonna do now?!), Jason’s ‘Oh shit I done a baaad thing’ look on his face…can’t WAIT to see Sam blast his ass for this! Heather’s endless gleeful cruelty (wow….now that Sam’s baby’s dead, think it’s a good time Jason learns it was his baby too…LOL!!!)…Anna Devane laying down the law to our former ‘heroes’.

    All this and Tracy Quartermaine actually has a storyline where she isn’t just a prop for Luke and acting like her old, crazy bitchy-funny self. Thank you RC for making me love my show again (now lay off the babies for awhile, will ya?)

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