Before we move onto discussing all the BABIES and PANDEMICS that seem to be brewing in Port Charles… a moment of silence, if you will, for my dearest darling, Heather Webber, as she waltzes back out of our lives, just as completely bananas as she came into them:
SHINE ON, HEATHER, YOU CRAZY DIAMOND
I mean, I’m not weeping and throwing myself on the funeral pyre just yet, but only because I’m pretty sure we’ll be seeing her again, probably right around sweeps. (Which is so long away, you guys! Crazy Anthony got to stick around for years murdering people left and right, but we can’t have crazy Heather for more than a few months? How is there any justice in the world?)
Anyway, here’s to you, Heather Webber! We had some good times, didn’t we? A little murder here, a little baby-snatching there. You rid us of Maggie. You gave us Anthony in the wheelbarrow, and Todd’s “crazy calling!” ring tone. You couldn’t make me care about Steven Lars (hey, nobody’s perfect), but you did make Olivia more interesting than she’s been for ages.
You are a national treasure and I love you. Don’t be a stranger now, you hear?
But meanwhile, the reason I know we’ll be seeing Heather again was across town deciding to get a well-earned divorce. Now, you all know where my biases are when it comes to the eternal JaSam vs Liason debate. (Actually, my true biases are for hot, hot Sam/Liz action. The fact that this will never, ever happen makes me cry sad tears of lesbian sadness, but still! SIZZLE 4-EVA!)
But all that aside, the past two days of Jason and Sam’s break up were incredibly well done soap, and I’ll admit that even my cold, dead heart was moved. Not enough, you know, to not be cheering their break up on. Because god, was this ever a long time coming.
But we got some great scenes of them talking through their issues like adults, being honest about the fact that they still loved each other, but being together was just too painful. How refreshing, soap characters, to see a break up sans anger, histrionics, and accusations of betrayal! (Not naming any names, Sonny.) It wasn’t one thing that one person did; it was all the things piled up.
And after all my bitching about Jason’s handling of the whole baby situation, hearing him finally accept responsibility for not being there for Sam was incredibly satisfying. As was her insistence that her friendship with John was non-negotiable.
Of course, as soon as the baby secret comes out, all bets will be off. The writers couldn’t have made that more clear if they’d had a neon sign blazing THIS IS ONLY A TEMPORARY SETBACK in the background. But for now, those of use who find Sam/John and Liz/Jason infinitely more interesting can hopefully look forward to at least a few months of those relationships getting explored.
And then! To make up for all the depressing baby stuff, we finally got some good baby news. Because Dante and Lulu are having a baby! To which Dante reacted with perhaps the best facial expression ever:
Hee! And then he talked Lulu out of her freakout and the two of them were so happy and cute together, and it was pretty perfect, I’m not going to lie. DANTE FALCONERI, HOW ARE YOU REAL? I mean seriously.
None of which was apparently heart-melting enough, because then they went to see Luke:
LULU: You were really thinking about me when you were tied up.
LUKE: You find that surprising?
LULU: I guess I just don’t expect you to be sentimental.
LUKE: I don’t think it’s sentimental to think of the people you love when you’re dying. You’re my only daughter, baby. You’re on my mind more than you know.
That sound you just heard? That was me overdosing on fuzzy, warm Spencer feels. The world’s gone topsy turvy, guys!
On the pandemic front, um… Jerry’s clearly planning one? Or being paid to help set one in motion somehow? I don’t know. He’s still playing his master plan pretty close to the vest, but the clues seem to be adding up to some sort of looming medical catastrophe on the horizon. And despite the fact that we already went through this a few years ago, and — other than killing off Courtney — it was really terrible, I’m kind of looking forward to whatever happens next.
I mean, Alexis got some appreciation, y’all! As far as I’m concerned, Jerry can call her daaaaarling in that delightful accent of his all day, so long as she’s allowed to slap him and tell him he’s being a delusional creeper.
And you know, I’ve had a lot of issues with Jerry’s “characterization” in the past. (If you consider “Hey, something evil is happening — let’s make Jerry the one behind it! Why? Who cares!” to be characterization at all. Which, note to Bob Guza, I do not.)
But this time he’s shaping up to have some actual — dare I say it? — layers. Let’s look at the evidence, shall we?
1) Fact the first: Jerry is sick with some mysterious ailment that gives him dizzy spells and makes him cough up blood a lot. (Kind of like Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge. But probably with less corsets. Although a girl can dream!)
2) Fact the second: He injected Joss and Alexis, two of the only people for whom he’s ever shown any true affection, with something mysterious while promising a comatose Alexis that he would “look after her.” And now they’re both getting sick.
3) Fact the third: Robin’s abduction seems like it had less to do with wanting to hurt her personally than it did with needing her out of the way for some reason.
So maybe he’s already been exposed? And being blackmailed for a cure? Or maybe he’s been inoculated too and this is what the first stage looks like? But he’s made sure Robin, who maybe could have found a cure, can’t interfere. And now he’s also ensuring that Alexis and Josslyn are safe and immune, even if it hurts them a little in the short term. (Of course, he’s not concerned with Joss’ mother or Alexis’ daughters, so not really heroic… but still kind of sweet? In a really creepy way?)
And, honestly, if getting Robin out of the way was the goal, it seems like it would have been a lot more simple to kill her for real than to stage an elaborate explosion to fake her death while keeping her captive in a mental institution for months. Which means Jerry spared her at great personal inconvenience. Because she’s Jax’s friend? Or because whoever is paying him this time wants her alive? Too soon to tell, but for right now, I’m going with the Jerry is cruel to be kind explanation because I like it better.
All of which adds up to a Jerry who is much more interesting and three dimensional than before. So bring on Monkey Virus Part II: Electric Boogaloo! (Also, dear RC: bonus points if you bring Robert back to deal with this one too and let him help Anna save their little girl in the process.)