HOLY SOAPBALLS!

All day long, I’ve been keeping to the non-soap portions of the internet, because word on the street was we’d be getting a big surprise and I hate being spoiled. SO GLAD I DID THAT.

Because this moment? Was super awesome and I think my neighbors are probably worried I was having a seizure because of the shriek I let out:

DUKE LAVERY, YOU GUYS! His tenure on the show was a little before my time, but it doesn’t even matter, because of course I know who he is, and what he means to Anna and Robin both, and I am so happy for all the Anna/Duke fans out there who have been waiting for this for 20+ years. This! Moments like this are what I love most about this genre — the ability to tell stories that span decades and drawn people from different eras in.

According to this interview with Frank Valentini, it’s going to be about five weeks before we see Duke again, so today was just a tease (WHAT A TEASE!) but it definitely is Duke. In fact: “We will eventually find out that the Duke Lavery we saw die all those many years ago was an imposter. This is the real Duke.”

Awesomesauce. I love everything about this. And I especially love what a tight lid they’re keeping on surprises like this these days.

Meanwhile, Jerry revealed his latest Evil Plan Of Evil to the entire town via the television that all the main characters just happened be watching for the first time ever, via the magic of contrivance.

Which was hilarious for multiple reasons, not the least of which being all the convenient pauses he left in his narrative so all the watching characters could periodically react and talk among themselves. Or the fact that everyone in town who wasn’t a main character must have been listening to Jerry meander on about Josslyn and Alexis and Jax and Carly and scratching their heads all, “Who?”

(Or maybe the secret society of normal Port Charles citizens will simply pull up their cheat sheets of who’s who in the town elite, nod their heads knowingly, pop some popcorn, and sit back to watch the fireworks while waiting for Jason to inevitably save the day. I like to think that’s what I would do if I was stupid enough to live in this death trap of a town.)

(Also, does this mean Duke is the one pulling Jerry’s strings? How? Why? So many questions!)

Basically, everyone’s reactions to Jerry’s melodramatic grandstanding were pretty perfect, from Alexis freaking out about her kids, to Jax and Carly’s confusion and anger, to Ewen — because he is such a smooth criminal — accidentally confessing his involvement and then having the nerve to get all shirty with Liz over her relationship with Jason.

For their part, the town doctors were quick to… not investigate or prepare for this medical threat in any way, shape or form. Good job, guys! Patrick abandoned the hospital immediately on Jason’s orders to go check on Liz, which… okaaaaaaay. And Steve seemed content to hang out with his girlfriend, asking stupid questions:

OLIVIA: Half the people I work with were hostages at the MetroCourt when he took that building over. This man is capable of anything!
STEVE: Okay, why wasn’t he prosecuted for the MetroCourt? Why is he still walking free?
OLIVIA:  I’ve never been exactly clear on the details…

Oh, Liv… the writers were never really clear on those details either. But bless you for trying to make sense of it.

Then there’s Tracy, who was still in bed with Joe Jr. Which, as my co-blogger already pointed out, is, um… a tad bit problematic. But it did give her the opportunity to catch the town newbie up on Jerry’s sordid history:

TRACY: Alan? Actually he was pompous and arrogant and he worked my very last nerve. Yes, I miss him every single day and I would still have a brother if it weren’t for that man.
JOE: What happened?
TRACY: Um, let me see. Jerry Jacks stormed this hotel and held all of the people in the lobby hostage.
JOE: Including your brother.
TRACY: Including my brother, who had a heart condition and he couldn’t take the stress.
JOE: So, he died of a heart attack.
TRACY: Actually he died because Jerry Jacks wouldn’t get him treatment. When they finally got him to the hospital, it was too late. my brother died in agony, terrified and I despise that man for it.
JOE: I’m sorry, Tracy. I didn’t know.

OH, BREAK MY HEART A LITTLE MORE, TRACE. But seriously, nice to hear someone remember exactly what Guza Jerry did to Alan.

Less nice: the redemption parade they seem to be trying to roll out for Joe Jr. Sorry, nope. NOT BUYING IT. Even if they somehow retcon away the Connie rape — and that already retconned-to-death story needs another revision like a hole in the head — he’s still a murderer and still the kind of guy who cheerfully accused a teenage abuse victim of “asking for it” while trying to pimp out his own son. So no, sort of feeling sorry for having poisoned everyone in town now that he knows one of the people he just poisoned doesn’t really make him redeemable, writers.

In other news, Liiiiiiiiz! How are you so pretty, Liz? Like, you all know how I feel about Rebecca Herbst, but this past few days she has been working the preternatural gorgeousness extra hard:

It doesn’t hurt that she seems to be thus far immune to the terrible fashion disease that’s hit the rest of the cast. That fuchsia top she’s been wearing all day? Gorgeous with her complexion.

And her date night party dress? ULTRA ADORBS:

Daaaaamn, girl! Work that hemline! You are the prettiest forever. The end.

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8 thoughts on “HOLY SOAPBALLS!

  1. The reveal had me so floored I nearly forgot about Tracy describing Alan. What a lovely moment. But Duke. DUKE! Motherfucking soaps, y’all.

  2. Duke was before my time too, but dude, my heart stopped when he came on screen. Oh soaps… I wish I knew how to quit you.

  3. I read that Joe, Jr. is actually into Tracy for real and is a legitimate love interest not someone out to use her. Now if this is true, I’m really pissed about his backstory of being an ultra-creep cause I been wanting a man to love Tracy for herself for….ummm…over 3 decades now?! Plus, I thought they looked kinda hot together, but what he did to Kate and John’s sister?…sigh. Oh well…the show’s been fantastic lately.

    • They’re certainly playing it like his concern for her is sincere, which yes, pisses me off in light of how hard they’ve been working to make his villainous and repulsive recently. Maybe this is a case of them planning one story and then liking the actor so much that they want to keep him around after all. But jeez, guys. Plan ahead a little more!

  4. Yeah the retconning of Joe (I liked that Tracey calls him JOSEPH!) has begun. I FF’ed through mostly ALL of his initial screentime, until he started sharing scenes with Jerry, so lucky for me I have missed most of the horrid backstory, and joy, that allowed me to enjoy his time with Tracey. Which I kinda liked. Only because, it’s Tracey, getting some loving. Not some scraps thrown at her from a disinterested Luke but some genuine interest, affection and sexual healing. So I might end up liking me some Joesph. Especially if it brings out bad-assed former mob princess Tracey and pulls in ELQ.

    I too liked the recount of Alan, and it almost made me think that that was going to the big surprise, Alan Quartermaine. But alas, not a Quartermaine. Duke Lavery, before my time too, but anyone connected to Anna and giving her EVEN more story, I’m on board! Finola Hughes is freaking awesome.

    Guys, Tracey is getting laid, Anna is a hero, and Alexis has potential love interests, tons of cleavage going on and strong story involvement. Liz has her voice again, and a little bit of a story, Sam DUMPED Jason and will soon be getting a gruff sexy cop as her love interest.

    I’m so hooked again!

    • The problem is that in the stuff you FFd he not only admitted to murdering John’s sister in cold blood, but had the balls to try and blame John for it because the mere act of her talking to him meant she deserved to die. And then when Trey told him about Keifer abusing Kristina he basically called her a lying whore. Take out the brutal Connie rape and you’re still left with just… not the kind of guy I want poor Tracy falling for, you know?

      But I do like Tracy getting airtime where her feelings aren’t portrayed as a hilarious joke, and Anna and Alexis and everything else you mentioned. Just wish they’d thought this Joe thing through a little better, because it’s leaving a really bad taste in my mouth, you know?

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