Sweet Jesus. I am ugly crying so hard right now.
Where to start? Oh hey, how about Elizabeth handing the baby over to Sam with her heart visibly breaking behind her eyes as Jason looked on, and yet still able to express wistful but sincere happiness for her? Yeah. Awwwkward:
At least that whole scene seemed like a pretty clear signal that her brief stint of evil was over, all was forgiven, and the truth about the first DNA test need never come out. Thank goodness.
And then she took a break to deal with all her Sad Mom Feels, as you do:
BRITT: You can tell me to mind my own business. I mean, I’ve never really been good at that.
ELIZABETH: Do you know that I have three kids? They’re all boys. Two of them are at home. And my little one, Jake, passed away last year. I can’t even begin to tell you what that feels like. I keep thinking about those moms in there and how they must feel and how unfair it is that one of them gets to experience the joy of a reunion and the other one is gonna have everything taken away from her.
Oh, Liz. Honey. Come here. I NEED TO HUG YOU NOW.
Seeing her connect Jake’s loss to Téa’s once again was a nice callback to her speech about why she switched the test results. I appreciate them not just forgetting about that. If Liz can get an actual plot out of this that deals with her trauma and moves her past it into something new, that would be awfully nice.
Also, nice? This whole conversation was pretty much Britt’s only moment of humanity so far. And if she’s going to stick around as more than a temporary foil for Sabrina and Patrick, then I really need to see more stuff like it. Lord knows Liz could use a friend right now…
But let’s move onto the main event: So. After their frankly fucking patheticperformance as human beings on Monday, Todd and John finally pulled their big boy pants on and told Téa the truth about her baby. ABOUT TIME, BOYS. And then Florencia Lozano proceeded to pretty much destroy me, along with my co-blogger:
TEÁ: He sleeps through the night now. Well, mostly. And, um, he’s started to eat solid foods. Carrots, not peas — he hates peas. And he loves it when I read to him before he takes naps. Especially books in Spanish.
OH, MY HEART. (When he stuck his hand in her face and she kissed it? DEAD.) (She’s fabulous, isn’t she? Can’t we keep her? Pretty please? No? Damn it.)
Roger Howarth was also clearly conspiring to murder me with FEELINGS because his face as he delivered that monologue about what a good mother she’d been to Victor and what a difference that would make for him and how horrible Todd’s own mother was in comparison just about wrecked me for life. Seriously.
I will be so okay if Téa leaves town never knowing Todd had any part in this, because I love them doing things like this way too much:
I would also really be okay with Blair showing up any second now to smother Téa in love (and possibly her ample bosom? Look, you cannot say I am not predictable). There’s no comfort like Blair comfort, guys.
Unfortunately, yesterday also brought the return of all the plots I could not care less about. Like Carly and Johnny! Whose great “love” was only ever slightly more believable to me than Trey and Kristina’s, and I think I’ve seen actual potatoes with more chemistry than those two have with each other. (Like, it’s nice that Trey’s not a smug douche anymore, but can we all stop pretending he’s attracted to women at all? Because I’m really not getting that from what we’ve seen on screen.)
Oh, and then there was some business with Duke and Joe which introduced fairly epic levels of complication and DO NOT WANT into the Robin story. Because what this show really needed was another bad guy completely obsessed with Sonny. Oh, and more Joe Scully. He should clearly be in every plot, because I just can’t get enough of him and his skeezy chest hair and inability to enunciate.
But hey, at least they explained why Joe was so certain killing Kristina would leave Trey with Sonny’s fortune a few weeks back! You see, Duke somehow got all of Sonny’s assets transferred into his daughter’s name. Without Sonny or any of his crack accounting staff noticing! So no more holes in that story!
Except, um… WHAT? Why, if he could get his hands on the assets to transfer them to Kristina, didn’t he just transfer them to himself? And why does Duke need Sonny’s criminal empire at all? To win Anna? Because just being the love of her life come back to life again seems like it would have been enough, and becoming a mobster again seems like the last way to gain the police commissioner’s favor, but what do I know, obviously. Oh, and WHY THE HELL DID ROBIN NEED TO BE DEAD FOR ANY OF THIS BULLSHIT?
(Not to mention that unless Duke is lying really heavily right now or brainwashed in some way, he is now a full, Jerry Jacks level black hat with no shades of goodness left in him at all. Which… was that really a development anyone who still cares about this beloved character really wanted to see? ANSWER: NO. NO, IT WAS NOT.)
Ugh. I really hope there’s more to this. And whatever it ends up being is way less stupid and also worthy of the Byzantine levels of lies going on.