Previously on Vampire Diaries: Guess they’re sticking with the cheesy voice over previouslies. Gag. Anyway, Elena had trouble being a vamp, hotly drank from Damon and was a sad, sad, new vampire. Matt was blamed for all that was wrong in the world, and a new hunter came to try to kill them all (but didn’t, of course). Alaric’s ghost came back to tug at my heart strings. And — AND — there were no originals. In short, it was pretty much made of awesome.
This week, we open in the hospital, where Tyler is just hanging out — I guess to make it seem as though he was seriously hurt when he was shot with that stake? The hunter shows up again; this time Tyler seems to be ready for him, but the guy still gets the drop on him. I guess hunter-guy (I honestly can’t remember his name) got tired of trying to kill Tyler so now he is paralyzing him and sticking needles in his gums. Gross. He playfully pats him and takes off.
Back in his crystal meth lab, he is presumably boiling the stuff he took from Tyler’s mouth while looking over his vampire hunter files. This includes a newspaper clipping about the church shooting (no suspects, ORLY?) and the weird April letter that still makes no sense. He has a nice little note that hilariously reads “Tyler Lockwood, Vampire & Werewolf” — you know, in case he forgets — and he also has two files: one on Jeremy and one on Elena. I’m not sure I approve of this guy’s organizational system.
At Chez Salvatore, Damon opens the front door to find Stefan with a motorcycle. Stefan says it’s to help Elena have some fun since becoming a vampire has been depressing for her. Oh, jeez. I wonder why, Stefan! Damon agrees and quips that those who can’t do teach. Heh. Damon fills Stefan in on the fact that the hunter took Tyler’s wolf venom (that’s a thing?) and so he now can poison vamps. Fun. He’s getting ready to kill the hunter and then leave town. The boys fight over Elena and blah, blah, blah. Stop your whining, you little man babies!
Matt and Elena meet in their old make out spot so she can drink from him. Uh, who came up with this plan? Shouldn’t she be supervised or something? They make such a big friggin’ deal about her lack of control, but hey, guess being somewhere secluded while eating Matt is no biggie!
She thanks him for helping her and Matt says it’s okay because he still feels guilty that she’s a vamp. Elena sinks her teeth in, but is able to pull away before she takes too much. Turns out they aren’t too secluded; they were somewhere at school. Matt asks if Elena should really be at school now. I concur, Matthew. Doesn’t she have better things to do at this point? Well, the show wants us to know that there is a reason she’s still pretending to give a crap about school: if she stops going, she will looks suspicious to the vampire hunter that no one can seem to find and also, she is going to stick it out until graduation! Uh, okay.
Oh and the town now has a curfew. (Only just now?!?) They talk like everyone in town doesn’t know about the vampires, which is pretty damned hard to believe. In my mind, they all know and are secretly ready to fight the vamps a la Graduation day (But only the bad ones!).
Tyler and Mayor Lockwood arrive home to find some random dudes. Turns out Klaus is back and brought some hybrid guards! Klaus is not pleased with Tyler over the whole “tried to desiccate him” thing, but Tyler is one of the last remaining hybrids and so Klaus wants to protect him.
Stefan and Elena are back at school. Oh, for the love of Christ. Can we stop this? They remember that this is Alaric’s classroom, and that makes me sad. Rebekah shows up and is planning a party. Oh gawd. Elena and Rebekah mean girl it back and forth and I am bored with this. Elena tries to throw a pencil at Rebekah. She catches it and throws it back at Elena, stabbing her shoulder. Elena leaves the class and goes on about hating Rebekah until she’s distracted by seeing the hunter with Jeremy.
Stefan points out that she is kind of covered in blood (okay, no one notices this kind of crap?!?) and says he’ll go check out what is going on with Jeremy. Elena is cleaning up in the bathroom when a random bleeding girl comes in. Rebekah follows to taunt Elena with the blood and more mean girlishness ensues. Elena bears her teeth at Rebekah. I’m really not sure what the point of that was since Elena didn’t even bite that girl and the hunter never found them.
Jeremy is in a random classroom with the hunter dude. I don’t know if Jeremy realizes who he is yet. He gives Jeremy their files and talks about Jeremy seeing his arm tats. Hunter guy calls it a “hunter’s mark” and says that the only people who can see it are other hunters or potential hunters. He tells Jeremy that he will train him if he brings him a vampire.
At the hunter’s meth lab, Damon is checking out the situation. Just as he starts to look around, he is shot with two arrows that are tied to something that Damon is not pleased with.
Caroline is giving Elena a pep talk. Stefan joins in with the higher ground talk about Rebekah, and suggests that they go have some fun. Caroline is concerned that Elena is unstable. Stefan thinks she’s putting all her emotions into rage. Caroline says Stefan is good at helping young vamps figure out how to manage their emotions, like he was helpful to her. I love how he was with Caroline when she first turned and I really enjoy their friendship now, but I don’t think what Stefan is doing with Elena is working.
Tyler is hanging out at home on house arrest. Some random girl named Hailey shows up. Oh, no. It’s the girl from The Secret Circle. I am having PTSD flashbacks. I guess this lady supposedly helped him break the sire bond. Man, her accent is even more annoying on this show. How is that possible?
Damon calls Meredith, trying to make her his new adult bestie. Sadly, she doesn’t measure up, Damon. But she does help him get the arrows out of his chest without triggering the bombs they are attached to. Bonus! While waiting for his rescue, Damon finds the weird letter from the Pastor. He and Meredith are also confused about the “greater evil” it references.
Rebekah shows up at Matt’s locker and to invite him to her party and tries to explain away that teeny, tiny thing she did — you know, almost killing him. But she totally had reasons, guys! Matt is appropriately pissed and walks away.
But the hunter is waiting for him and confronts him about his wrist wound! He threatens him with a knife. (Again, it’s nice that he is so caring toward people. If he isn’t trying to kill vampires to protect people, why the hell is he doing it?) Matt gives up Rebekah and the hunter knocks him out. Jesus, Matt has the life of suck. Can someone please give him some kisses and rainbows and ponies? Please, please, pretty please?
Damon walks in on Elena rifling through his stuff. She says she needs good burbon to get through Rebekah’s party. He is wise to her and confronts her about looking for the white oat stake. Damon gets rid of Elena by threatening to take off all his clothes. Funny, that would have had the opposite effect on me.
Jeremy shows up at the hunter’s place and tells him that he knows where to find vampires: Meredith uses their blood, so she probably knows where one is. The hunter is disgusted by this and talks about how the high school is full of them. Jeremy asks if they’re going to the high school party, but the hunter says that if vamps drink at that party, they’ll be dead by sundown.
Cut to the keg party where people are drinking and having a good time. Elena stops cold at the sight of Rebekah. Stefan compels a dude to give Elena her cup to help her relax. Ew, back wash.
Caroline stops by Tyler’s and tries to get him to take off. He reveals that Klaus is back. Meanwhile, Klaus is chatting up Hailey. He does this head tilty thing and uses his super vamp hearing to eavesdrop on Caroline and Tyler in the other room — figuring out Hailey is the reason why Tyler is telling Caroline to go to the party, even though she wants to stay with him.
Elena sees April and gives her some beer. April admits that what happened to her father doesn’t make sense to her. They again imply that something bad is coming. Rebekah shows up and more mean girl crap happens. She then steals Elena’s ring and throws it in the garbage disposal. Elena instantly starts to burn. She hides in the corner for a few seconds before retrieving her ring and pulling out the white oat stake to kill Rebekah. Stefan intervenes. Boo, Stefan.
He talks about how all the vampires Rebekah turned would die like that is a bad thing. Okay, I know that we root for this group of vampires, but the rest are supposed to be bad, right? Go ahead, Elena. Kill Rebekah. We’d all be better off. Instead, they decide to go have fun again. Where is all this fun they are supposed to be having? Elena does a keg stand, which is pretty ridiculous and ends up being significant later. And actually, Rebekah is already starting to look ill.
Klaus confronts Tyler about Hailey and reveals that he cheated on Caroline. Oh, puh-leez, show. That is absolutely effing ridiculous. Do the writers even remember the reunion scene they wrote for Tyler and Caroline after he left? It’s pathetic that they are bulldozing Caroline and Tyler just to give Klaus a snowball’s chance in hell of being a love interest for Caroline. He is an ass-munch. Unless the writers stop having Klaus psychologically and physically abusing the heroes on this show, the viewers are not going to go for it. Cut the shit.
Damon calls Tyler to tell him about the hunter. Klaus decides that he wants to come along instead. Oh, great.
Elena and Stefan take a care-free ride on a motorcycle. Elena ends up standing up on it while she rides. Uh, why are they wearing helmets? They can’t get hurt, right? I think this entire scene is the dumbest.
The hunter shows up at the hospital to try to find Dr. Fell, but finds Damon instead. They catch him in his own bomb trap. Dun!
Elena and Stefan’s ride has warmed them up and now they’re making out. Will these guys have sex already? Or maybe they have off screen? I mean don’t vampires want to do it like 24/7? Elena suddenly sees Damon and pushes him away. Except he’s Stefan. Looks like she’s hallucinating and her arms are all gross. Stefan says she’s been poisoned with werewolf venom.
Rebekah is also feeling pretty crappy when Matt shows up. He tells her that she is basically a waste of space. She flips out and pulls out his heart. Wha? Okay, it was just a hallucination. Thank, Christ. Matt has been crapped on enough lately. Jeez.
Klaus and Damon are trying to grill the hunter. He says it doesn’t matter if they kill him; another will take his place. Damon goes on about his disappearing tattoos, which peaks Klaus’ interest. The hunter tries to stake Klaus and of course, Klaus grabs it. It has one of those funky symbols on it and Klaus says he is one of the five. Fun! More mythology! That is the stuff I like. But we don’t get to learn any more because the hunter effing blows himself up. Gawd!
Stefan is desperately trying to call Klaus to heal Elena. She is still seeing Damon so she asks herself why. Hallucination Damon says that it’s because now that she’s a vampire she is more like Damon than Stefan. Yes!!!! Klaus shows up and heals Elena because he says she might be of use to him. Oh, man. Are they going to find a way to make her human again? Already? Don’t do it, show!
Cut to Rebekah’s crappy party. April is there cleaning up because she would rather do that than be alone. Oh no. Another woobie. They seemed to indicate that she might be interested in Jeremy, but I think she and Matt should get together. Someone needs to kiss his pain away! Or something. Rebekah offers to help April try to figure out what happened at the farmhouse.
Mayor Lockwood says she will cancel the curfew since the hunter is dead. Jeremy congratulates himself on being part of the plan. Way to not screw things up this time, Jere! Meredith is pissed because Damon exploded the hospital. Touchy! She tells him he needs to make nice with Stefan and Elena and that she doesn’t plan to be his replacement buddy. But he’s so lonely!
Stefan asked Caroline to come over because he needs to ask her for help. He talks about how people change when they become a vampire. He thinks that Elena can’t enjoy being a vampire because he can’t. Uh, yep, Stefan. Bingo. I guess he thinks if he enjoys life he will become the Ripper. No happiness for Stefan or he loses his soul! Jeez, that also reminds me of another show. Stop complaining Stefan, and just go back to being awesome! I *heart* Ripper 4-eva!
Anyway, their conversation evolves into Stefan commenting on how great Caroline is at being a vampire (and he’s right on this one, she’s awesome) and she says it was because of him. I really do love their friendship. Stefan should either be evil or go around giving pep talks to everyone except Elena. That would work for me.
Matt meets Elena to feed her again. He apologizes again because he now thinks it is his fault that Connor (finally, they remind me of this guy’s name!) spiked the beer at Rebekah’s party with werewolf venom. Elena appropriately tells him that it isn’t his fault, and talks about how much she hates Rebekah and how she doesn’t feel like herself. Matt thinks Rebekah deserves it.
Elena starts feeding off Matt again and goes overboard. Matt tries to get her to stop, but she keeps going until Damon shows up and stops her. Matt looks freaked until Damon compels him to forget and he just leaves. (Uh, is he going to be okay? Shouldn’t they give him some vampire blood?) Damon tells Elena she shouldn’t be ashamed of what she did. She’s a vampire and just needs to learn how to be one. And he will teach her. I think I’m gonna like that.
Cut to Klaus who has Conner locked up. He asks Klaus what “The Five” are. and Klaus doesn’t explain, but makes it clear that it is important to him. Mystery!
Next Episode: Damon teaches Elena how to eat frat boys. Heh.