Okay, this is getting ridiculous. How am I supposed to blog about this show when every single episode breaks new records for awesome things happening?
Today alone, we got: intentional funnies (sans twinkly music of wacky hijinks) with two characters — Alice and Milo — I normally cannot fast forward fast enough; Johnny suddenly remembering how to be the guy I used to love who actually cared about other people; and Sonny 1) sincerely apologizing for a brief loss of temper, 2) explaining his girlfriend’s mental illness to multiple people with genuine patience and compassion, and 3) actually saying that cops should handle a situation with one of his enemies. WHAT MADNESS IS THIS?
Not to mention Duke’s face, which went through ten rapid shifts of overwhelmed vulnerability and desperation in the space of thirty seconds as he listened to Anna’s voicemail message:
IAN BUCHANAN: SCHOOLING Y’ALL
ON FEELING ALL THE FEELS
But was the episode content with all that goodness? NO, IT WAS NOT. Because then Dante got all up in AJ’s grill, since — as you know — if there’s one thing he just can’t forgive, it’s a criminal father:
DANTE: He shot his own father in the back–
MICHAEL: And your father shot you! Or have you forgotten?
OH NO HE DIDN’T. (Yes! Yes, he did! Was that amazing for you too?)
As much as I don’t enjoy wanting to smack the smug off of Dante, one good thing about his self-righteous tone deafness in those scenes is that now I no longer have to worry he’s been replaced by a robot programmed to be the most perfect husband ever. Because a robot would not have been able to utter those lines without its head exploding due to a logic error. (Criminals deserve prison even if they’re your father, Dante? REALLY?)
Also, words cannot express how much I’m looking forward to AJ finding out Michael was shot in the head and raped in prison due to Sonny’s superior parenting skills. IT’S GOING TO BE SO GOOD, GUYS. I CAN JUST TELL.