Previously on The Vampire Diaries: Elena and Damon got freaky, but it was all ruined because Elena’s sired to Damon.
We open on Damon waking up and looking for Elena. She comes in all smiles and they proceed to get it on again. But the whole thing is ruined again by being inter-cut with Caroline and Stefan talking about Elena being sired to Damon.
Stefan exposits that a vampire being sired is most likely different than Klaus and the hybrids, and they need to find out more. Caroline shrieks about how awful this is. Why is this whole story line making me dislike Caroline so much? And why did the writers have to make Elena and Damon finally sleeping together gross? Do they hate me? What did I ever do to them?
Back at the barn in the woods, Tyler is working on freeing yet another hybrid. Kim (the freed hybrid from the last episode) is tired of seeing Adrian (the new hybrid) tortured, so she hauls his ass out of there. Hayley and Tyler are totes upset about this.
Elena and Damon are being schmoopy and Damon convinces (i.e. orders, blech) Elena not to tell Stefan about them for one day. Stefan interrupts the cuteness/grossness to tell Damon about Elena being sired to him. Damon is pretty indignant about it, but Stefan asks him to test it out by asking Elena to drink from the blood bag. Damon agrees to do so, but that doesn’t stop him from being pissy about it. He finds Elena at the school and tells her to drink from the bag. She does so and feels fine. SON OF A BITCH. Elena is ecstatic about this, but Damon agrees with my sentiments.
Hayley is at creepy professor’s office rifling through papers, but he catches her. Turns out he wants 12 unsired hybrids in exchange for info about her parents. Hayley makes it clear that Tyler isn’t part of this bargain, so she needs to get Adrian free from Klaus ASAP. Man, this Hayley is a real jerkface.
Caroline calls Stefan to share the information she got from Tyler about being sired. He told her that hybrids are sired because they are grateful for not having to go through the pain of having to turn every month, and to break the bond, they have to turn until it doesn’t hurt anymore. The big problem is that there isn’t an equivalent for vampires. Well, duh. None of this is new information, guys!
Meanwhile, Damon is rifling through the Salvatore archives trying to figure out what to do about this sire thing. He admits to Stefan that he was right… and reveals that he had a vampire sired to him before!
We see Damon with Charlotte, the other sired vampire, in 1942 New Orleans. Damon looks very dapper in his suit. Anyway, in short: she loved Damon, Damon turned her, and then she went all Stepford wife on him. Damon tells Stefan that once he realized she was sired, he went to a witch to break the bond.
Bonnie, Elena, and Caroline decide to have a girl’s night at the Salvatores’. Caroline snarks about Damon and Elena defends him. Bonnie plays Switzerland and whips out some “spiritual” tea. Then, Caroline snarks about Professor Creeps, so Bonnie defends her relationship with him. Man, Caroline is a harpy in this episode.
Damon and Stefan are walking around New Orleans trying to find a way to break the sire bond. The brothers bitch at one another again… some more. It is… tired.
Flashback to Stefan trying to make amends with Damon back in ’42. Lexi is coaching Stefan. Man, it must have been boring helping Stefan get back on the straight and narrow. Anyway, the boys bond and Damon even volunteers to go with Stefan to war. But Lexi thinks this is a bad idea and tells him to beg off. Just to emphasize Lexi’s point, crazy Charlotte shows up and tempts Stefan with blood.
Hayley pushes Tyler to put Kim in her place so that they can move forward with freeing hybrids. So, Tyler threatens Kim, which was fun, and she acts as if she is submitting… except nope.
Damon and Stefan go back to the street corner where Damon last saw Charlotte, after telling her to count bricks until he returned. Stefan and Damon’s cat-fighting continues. Damon lays out the truth that Stefan’s motives are also selfish. Well, duh. Damon walks off to go get a drink, but is lip assaulted by Charlotte. She is super creepy! Damon is as freaked out as I am to think that Charlotte has been just counting bricks for sixty years. Charlotte scoffs at that idea and says that she just counts bricks to remember Damon. Uh, sounds crazy to me.
Back to the ladies, who are dancing and drinking champagne. My kind of party! They end up in Damon’s awesome bathtub, which leads to Caroline mentioning all the ladies Damon has slept with. I, on the other hand, am reminded of all the half-naked Damon scenes we have gotten in or around that bathtub. Ahem. Elena digs at Caroline by mentioning that time when she used to sleep with him. Caroline snarks back that he is a sociopath and a narcissist.
Uh, wha? Does anyone remember that Damon compelled her for, like, months and was essentially raping her during that time? Of course not. I don’t like to think about it either, but at the very least Caroline should be mentioning the fact that the majority of the time she spent with Damon was not consensual and she has every right to be pissed about that. Whatever, show. Instead the girls snipe back and forth about who the better man is, Damon or Stefan. (Neither. Duh.) Elena admits to sleeping with Damon, which totally kicks both Caroline and Bonnie in the gut. Elena takes it a step farther to say that she thinks she is falling in love with Damon. I wish I could enjoy this moment, but of course I can’t because “Rain On My Parade” Caroline reminds us all that Elena is sired to Damon, which calls into question any of her thoughts and actions at this time. Not awesome.
Back in New Orleans, Damon goes back to the same place where he found the witch who supposedly broke Charlotte’s sire bond. A flashback reveals that it took 12 human sacrifices to do it. Hmmm. Twelve humans are needed to break the sire bond and Professor Creeps needs 12 hybrids for something dubious. Coincidence? I think not! Current day witch says that she doesn’t practice and doesn’t have any spell books. So Damon is SOL. (Psst, show. Can you please stop having all the witches be black? It is racist. Kthanksbye.)
Elena gets pissy with Caroline for dumping the sire thing on her with no warning. I agree; it was pretty harsh. She asks both Bonnie and Caroline to leave, except Kim and other hybrid dude are at the door waiting for them. D’oh! She’s all threatening to bite Caroline and I’m not entirely clear what this plan is. (I don’t think Kim is very smart. Just sayin’.) After they leave with Caroline, Elena finds Tyler to fill him in. He explains the wolf politics and Zzzzzzzzz. Can we get on with this? Oh, Tyler does toss out the factoid that the sire bond doesn’t affect how you feel, just how you act. Wait a minute here. Didn’t they just say that the sire bond exists because of a feeling of gratitude? So the feeling creates the bond, but the bond doesn’t change feelings. Uh, bullshit says what? I can’t even try to make sense of that so let’s just move on. I guess this means that Elena’s feelings in show terms are genuine, so yay?
Damon is convinced that the modern-day witch is lying and calls her out for being the original witch’s daughter instead her great-granddaughter. Oh, snap. She then pulls out some serious mojo while explaining that the sire bond can’t actually be broken. Damon was tricked into killing 12 people just to get her mother power. This type of magic has a new name: “Expression.” Oh, and a sire bond only happens when the newbie vamp had feelings for their sire before they become a vampire. So all Damon can do is order them to leave him and live their lives. Well, this isn’t going to end well.
Back at the barn of pain, Kim is torturing Caroline, and she’s brought all the other hybrids are with her. It seems the plan is to hurt Caroline to get to Klaus. Elena convinces Kim to hurt her instead, but Tyler goes all alpha and puts his hand in her chest. Gross. Finally, Kim really submits and then the hybrids all creepily bow down to him. Man, wolf politics are icky no matter what the show, it seems.
Damon breaks up with Charlotte for reals by telling her to be happy without him and stop thinking about him. It’s about as sweet as it can be when dealing with someone who is completely divorced from reality. Damon tells Stefan that he let Charlotte go and plans to do the same with Elena.
Flashback to Damon getting ready to join Stefan on the front lines in 1942. Lexi confronts him about his 12 person killing spree and says that Damon will be bad influence on Stefan.
Damon talks about needing Stefan and it stabs me in the heart. I think their devotion to each other is my favorite part of this show, even if they both piss me off a lot. Damon decides to leave Stefan for his own sake. When Stefan hears this in the present he is surprised, but still doesn’t miss the opportunity to emphasize that Elena should have the choice of who she is with. Man, Stefan, I wish you could act less douchey so I didn’t feel gross whenever I agreed with you. Choose yourself, Elena!
Cut to Caroline and Elena making up. Caroline apologizes and they get all schmoopy. Bonnie joins them and mentions that the type of magic that professor creepy is teaching her really works. And it’s called “Expression.” DUN!
Hayley meets Professor Creeps and says that Adrian has now broken the bond, so he has the 12 hybrids he needs. In return, she wants to know where her parents are. He says they’re dead. Oopsie. She is rightfully pissed, but creepy professor reveals more of his true creepiness by saying that just because they’re dead doesn’t mean she can’t see them again. Ahhhhhh.
Caroline is disturbed that Stefan feels bad for Damon. Clearly, he doesn’t yet know that they slept together. Really, this entire conversation is just filler because the scene we all want to see is coming up. Damon goes to Elena, but before he can say anything, she tells him she already knows that she is sired to him. She asks if there’s a way to break it and Damon admits there really isn’t. Elena thinks her feelings are real, but Damon says that this changes everything. She begs him not to push her away, but he insists he has to do the right thing by her.
She touches his face, trying to convince him and the damned show goes black. Uh, cut the shit show! This is not a good cliffhanger! If Damon does not let her go I’m going to cut a bitch. For realsies.
Next time: Tyler tries to kill Klaus, Stefan gets in the way since it would, you know, kill them all. And Damon and Elena angst!