Sometimes, friends, a thing happens on your show. A thing you didn’t really ask for and don’t really understand. And yet you just have to go with it.
SO MUCH CONTACT EMBARRASSMENT, OMG
I didn’t really watch Port Charles for a variety of reasons both practical and petty. (They broke up Karen and Jagger, those bastards!) Everything I know about the goofiness of its later years comes from general soap osmosis. And although that’s still enough to follow along with what’s been happening over the last week, I have had some pretty huge honking reservations about delving into alternate PC history.
And yet… it’s given us moments like this:
ALEXIS: She dropped the charges. She wasn’t happy about it, but it turns out Kevin wasn’t responsible. He was yet another person from Port Charles that had a little break with reality.
LUCY: So now you’ve infiltrated the police too?
McBAIN: Actually, it was a pretty standard hire–
LUCY: Shut up, Prince of Darkness.
McBAIN: [to Sam] A minute ago I was the king, I’ve been demoted already.
And then — most gloriously — this:
LUCY: You believe me?
HEATHER: Of course. You’re every bit as sane as I am.
HEATHER! My dearest darling patron saint of all that’s batshit! You have no idea how happy I am to see you again waxing poetic about Kelly’s BLTs and validating the creative worldviews of others. Truly, you are a treasure:
LUCY: I tried to stab him in the chest. I got him, but I must have missed the heart because he did not combust and he somehow survived the whole thing.
HEATHER: [empathetic] Well, that must have been disappointing.
LUCY: Yeah, very! Not to mention the fact that everyone is telling me, ‘no, you’re mistaken. He’s not Caleb Morely, he’s human, he’s a cop and his name is John McBain.’
HEATHER: Wait–you think John McBain is a vampire?
LUCY: You know John McBain?
HEATHER: What you’re saying makes perfect sense!
So yes, putting aside the way this vampire stuff is stretching my GH comfort zone, there have been some bright sides. I appreciate the way every other character is reacting with pretty much the same mixture of disbelief, concern, and hilarity that a real person would. (The stake/steak puns alone!)
And it’s also nice to see all of Lucy’s friends rallying around her, from Mac and Felicia to Duke and Alexis, the latter of whom has called in KEVIN COLLINS, Y’ALL. For Kevin Collins, all is forgiven.
Best of all? This story gave Carolyn Hennesy a reason to make a meta joke about True Blood, and that gives me a reason to rewatch this:
BEST. DEATH. EVER.
So, you know what? I’m just going with it. All of it. If it can get Heather, Lucy, and Todd all together in a mental asylum with Kevin Collins on his way? Then I will effing roll with whatever you throw at me, RC.
p.s. But please wrap the vampire stuff up quickly, okay? I can only take so many puns.
p.p.s. I also really need to memorialize the look on Tracy’s face as she realized what a horrible, horrible liar Michael is. Because it is beautiful to me:
I FEEL YOU, TRACE.
(Seriously, that kid has literally two of the best liar gene pools in the world flowing through his veins. That was just pathetic. Hilariously pathetic, but still.)