In which Doc explains it all.

Guys, I know I say this a lot, but the noises that came out of my mouth when Kevin appeared on screen yesterday were not only supersonic, but so annoying that even I had to pause the DVR with an expression of disgust, like who is that asshole making those wretched sounds while I’m trying to watch my stories? And then I realized it was me. I was the asshole. THE HAPPIEST ASSHOLE IN THE WORLD.

Kevin Collins returns

KEVIN! All dignity and wry humor and salt and pepper hair! OMG, I love him. I also love him explaining, that no, there are no vampires (or angels or demons or magic). And no, he doesn’t have a daughter named Livvie, and basically no, I don’t have to acknowledge any of the PC canon I never liked anyway.

And obviously there’s more to it than that, because Alison is wandering around flipping her gourd at the sight of John. But whatever, she’s probably going to be dead soon anyway (not a spoiler, just a guess) which is fine with me, because I realized yesterday that the reason I’ve always instinctively loathed her is she looks a lot like Courtney, who was clearly the worst fictional person to have ever existed ever. (Sorry, Alison, you’re probably very nice, but you have to die. I can’t handle that shade on blond without having trauma flashbacks to 2003. )

Yesterday also brought awesomeness in the form of Lucy and Todd teaming up for board games and mental incompetence lessons, and if that sentence alone didn’t give you a joygasm, then here, have a visual aid:

Lucy and Todd

Oh, I so badly need them to become partners in crime and shenanigans.

Speaking of which, Tracy + Connie (as she becomes more of a real person, she’s slowly earning the ‘C’ instead of the ‘K’) as besties forever: adorable and heartbreaking or MOST ADORABLE AND HEARTBREAKING THING EVER?

I mean, seriously. They’re so perfect for each other! I hope they stay BFFs and have sleep overs and braid each other’s hair while plotting revenge and world domination.

Tracy and Connie

TRACY: Would you really do that for me?
CONNIE: Yeah, I would. We’re friends, right, Trace?

Yes! Yes, you are! You must be! You’re the only people both horrible and lonely enough to understand each other!

(Also, Ned’s gone again? I guess? And we STILL didn’t get a reunion with Alexis, damnit!) (Although the excuse that Brook Lynn broke her leg stage diving in Ibiza cracked me up, because of course she did. Oh, Brook Lynn. Even when you’re off screen, you still find new ways to suck.)

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8 thoughts on “In which Doc explains it all.

  1. kevin was great, wasn’t he……..but if it’s not true then why is alison leaving her son with a stake…and all that….hmmmmmmmmmm

    todd and lucy…sorry never cared for this todd,never will…..i won’t be watching one life after all, because well i don’t do i tunes and hulu’s not available outside the US, so i’m out of luck on that once i guess that they never thought about that part that people in canada wouldn’t be able to watch…and that….so

    they can have todd and they can have starr……but i’m miffed that we have to suffer through caleb and livvie um sam all over again…..

    • I’m trying to remain spoiler free, but in my ideal world, there’s some outside force responsible for both Alison and Lucy’s delusions. Which would mean an easy return to sanity for Lucy once they figure out who’s drugging/brainwashing her or whatever.

      • I think Rafe’s resigned remark as his mother walked away to find help that he hoped this ended, because he can’t take it anymore sounded very much as if Alison might be mentally ill.

        And we’re moving quickly away from Livvie and Caleb who according to Doc never existed. I also think that Doc planning to leave without seeing Lucy until Alexis persuaded him to, shows how weary he is of this particular delusion.

      • I don’t know about Allison, but I did love the theory someone proposed about Lucy’s toxic lipstick making her kookoo for cocoa puffs.

  2. I have a feeling we will be seeing more of Ned in these short visits. Probably not enough to where he could be involved in a full blown story but enough to where he will be a part of the show again. I actually see more characters doing what Ned is doing. Its a nice, cheap, effective way to keep characters we love on the show without having to worry about the canvas becoming too bloated to support itself.

    • Also, they probably can’t even get WK more even if they want to, given that he recurs on DOOL. I’ll take as much Ned as I can. Wish they would recast Dillon though, so it could be AJ/Michael vs. Tracy/Dillon.

      • I definitely like the idea of short visits for important characters who can’t stay full time. If FV can make it work for everyone’s schedules, that would be awesome. Certainly better than nothing.

        I do want them to recast Dillon, though. I loved SC in the roll, but as I understand it there’s no chance of getting him away from B&B now, so… just cut the cord.

  3. Looking forward to the scenes today with Patrick’s reaction to what he heard Britt tell Sabrina yesterday. I hope he rips Britt such a new one she won’t be able to sit down for a year! What a bitch she is, and such a damn bully.

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