Guys, I think it’s time to face a painful reality. We’re just… we’re never getting rid of this D.I.D story, are we?
It’s been over a year now, and I think I’m finally starting to come to terms. I was in some strong denial there for a while, but hearing Kate realize she’d been gone for five months kind of kicked my denial in the face. (Five months! That’s how long this stage of the story has been going on! And that wasn’t even the beginning! Not by a long shot!)
Now I’m stuck on bargaining. Because I thought the writers and I at least had an agreement wherein I would ignore all the plots that drive me to drink and they wouldn’t force me to sit through episodes that contained all three at once. Judging by this week thus far, though? Not so much.
THIS IS MY FACE EVERY TIME TODD AND CARLY
START TALKING ABOUT THEIR GREAT LOVE
On any given day, I can roll my eyes through Todd and Carly gassing on about how neither of them has ever loved before, even though both of them spent the better part of the last year obsessed with completely different people. I can sit through Sabrina’s juvenile antics, because hey, at least it gets Jason Thompson’s pretty face on my tv screen. I can even grit my teeth through Konnie and Kate fighting over how Sonny cheated on both of them by sleeping with THE SAME DAMN WOMAN, even though the logical inconsistencies in this story are now large enough to be seen from space.
But I can’t deal with all three at once. JE REFUSE, MONSIEUR CARLIVATI!
To give you some idea of how painful portions of today’s episode were for me, this is the chat transcript from not even fifteen minutes in:
TENILLYPO: I’m watching GH, but the contact embarrassment is making it hard.
INCANDESCENTFLOWER: I had to FF some of GH today.
INCANDESCENTFLOWER: I started typing that before you wrote.
INCANDESCENTFLOWER: I just couldn’t deal.
TENILLYPO: It is almost unbearable.
Maybe I should put my tv on mute and just read along? I think it’s the only way I’ll make it through.
And I don’t even hate Sabrina the way most of the internet seems to! I quite like her, actually! But Lord, that was uncomfortable. And not just because I was left with awkward feeling I was watching a high school student tell her favorite teacher she just knew they were soul mates. But, seriously, who has this kind of conversation in the middle of their workplace? And uses the word “crush” repeatedly?
PATRICK: Ah, so, when did it start? When did you start having feelings for me?
SABRINA: From the first moment I laid eyes on you.
ME: Why would you ask her that? And why would you answer like that? YOU’RE BOTH THE WORST.
The one bright spot was Epiphany getting to yell at him for being so unbelievably dense about this whole thing. Really, Patrick. What kind of player were you?
On the Todd and Carly side… I actually couldn’t tell you what they said to each other in most of their scenes, because my brain has now been conditioned to automatically tune out any conversation in which they discuss the grand love affair that both of them seem to remember but that never actually happened on screen at all.
(So, basically all of their conversations.)
Fortunately, AJ showed up, and was typically delightful sparring with the two of them and generally having a ball at his arch-nemesis’ expense. NEVER LEAVE US AGAIN, SEAN KANAN!
And now he and Elizabeth are getting a soapy roadblock in the form of a wacky misunderstanding! Which gave Liz the opportunity for this awesomeness:
ELIZABETH: Of the two last men I have been involved with, the stand up guy? Was a married hit man.
HAH! Plus, her hair was insanely pretty. So, I mean, at least that whole section of the episode wasn’t a total wash.
Which brings us back to Connie and Kate and The Neverending Story, Part II: This Time With More Molly. First of all, was I the only 15 year old who would have been overjoyed to come across some surprise porn? I mean, I could understand if she was outraged at how bad the porn was, but seriously, Molly. Get thee to the internet if you thought that was racy.
TJ’S INTO IT.
But I digress. Kelly Sullivan kind of great, so I guess I can understand the temptation to draw this whole Connie thing out. But sweet Lord, it needs to end already, writers!
This latest reset is particularly disheartening, because not only does it show no sign of ever going away, but now we’re back to pretty much the exact same place were were a year ago. All the growth and hints of humanity that were slowly making her more palatable? Gone. And, look, she’s got a vendetta against Sonny! I can’t wait to see how that–ZZzzzzzzzzzzz… sorry, I was just overwhelmed by the depth of my not giving a crap about Kate and Sonny.
Anyway, just so this post isn’t a total downer, new cast photos for the AMC and OLTL reboots are out, and look who’s posing together all sexy and fierce:
HI, LADIES! I MISSED YOU!
(Even if one of you is kind of wearing a Hamburglar dress. Whatever, it’s working for you anyway, Delgado.)