I’m pretty sure this week’s been a textbook example of everything people who hate the genre probably imagine when they think of soaps. Which means of course it was pretty much completely amazing for me.
I mean, 1) angsty couples with pained looks on their faces speaking overwrought dialog in husky voices? Check.
Okay, so these two still aren’t my favorite.
But isn’t her hair AMAZING?
2) Blasé recital of clunky exposition involving an evil doppleganger, vampires, hypnotism, and relish espionage? Check:
STARR: Out of all the people you could possible give credit to for reviving Pickle Lila, you choose Lucy Coe?
MICHAEL: Well, if she hadn’t flipped out about the whole vampire–
STARR: Okay, don’t even start!
MICHAEL: –vampire obsessed maniac, John McBain look-alike, then her shrink husband, Dr. Kevin Collins, would never have come back to Port Charles, hypnotized Ellie, and got her to remember the missing ingredient.
The fact that this conversation could even exist is so beautiful to me, I can’t even. Oh, Starr. Oh, Michael. I really will miss your pleasantly boring stability when its gone.
3) Casual references to events that happened 30 years ago — involving the same characters played by the same actors? Check:
SCOTTY: She may not want some quickie wedding. If I recall, there was quite a number of people watching her marry that string bean.
LUCY: Oh, Scott, that was 1981. Everyone was younger, had a lot more hair… But she had her big wedding, you already caught the bouquet, it’s done, let’s move on!
SCOTTY AND LUCY, YOU GUYS! I’ve been waiting such a long time to hear her call him “pal” again. SUCH A LONG TIME.
And of course… 4) tortured make out sessions? CHECK, CHECK, CHECK.
SAM: I know you think this relationship hasn’t gone further than a few kisses, but that’s not true. You saved my life, you brought my child into this world, and then you saved my life again. John, you taught me how to trust again, and to have faith, and you never failed me.
JOHN: And I never will. It’s been a hard year, Sam. The only good moments I had came from you and Danny. If I helped you at all, I will carry that with me always. Always.
You guys. YOU GUYS. How am I supposed to go on without John and Sam making eyes at each other and wallowing in their angst and sexy whispering dialog like that? How?
One last McBAIN HUG for the road.
It… is going to be torture. Seriously. And if they can’t work this licensing mess out and get John McBain back somehow, I may cry.
Good thing I have Liz and AJ to console me! I think Felix and I had roughly the same reaction to this whole speech:
AJ: Elizabeth, I gave it all up because I realized the price I’d have to pay was you. Look, I lied about Carly, okay, and I saw how much it hurt you, and I’m sorry. I knew that if I kept on lying, I was just going to be that scheming low life, that same disappointment, that same… punch line that I’ve always been. And I realized that any success that would jeopardize our friendship, well, it just isn’t worth it. Because you mean that much to me.
And then (and then!) she gave him another chance and he agreed to do a number with her at the Nurses’ Ball (!!!) and they both grinned and were happy and… I pretty much died:
Look how happy she is! LIIIIIIIIIIIZ! It’s about time we saw that smile more often, girl. I just… love them so much. Butterflies! Butterflies all over the place!
(I also love Felix as Elizabeth’s supportive drinking buddy, because he is awesome and protective and doesn’t take bullshit but also tears up when I do. Now can we get him a hot man of his own, please?)