I don’t know if I have the words to properly express what an UTTERLY BANANAS week this has been.
But let’s just say that when you start with the freaking Nurses’ Ball and then take one part back-from-the-dead-supervillian, add in some fake flashbacks that manage to somehow tie about five separate plot strands going back months — and in some cases years — into a coherent whole, add a dash of cat fight, a pinch of implausible cryogenics and psychic visions, and a big, honking dump of hysterical glee from the sidelines?
Well, what you get is some DAMN FINE SOAP, people.
I mean, if the sight of Dante desperately begging a frozen NuLu to live while a reanimated Stavros Cassadine shrieks madly for HIS ICE PRINCESS as he is frozen (again!) isn’t enough to get your soapy juices flowing, then I just don’t know what would.
Oh wait — how about a public Brenda/Carly throw down over the former spending the night with her ex-stepson? (And no, I do not think for one second there was actual sex involved, and yes, I am loving the hell out of seeing Brenda let her inner bad girl flag finally fly free .)
All of which not only gave Brenda the opportunity to entertain herself by hilariously goading her rival, but gave Carly the chance to drop this bit of EXTREME TRUTH on us all about their mutual ex-husband:
CARLY: You’ve known Sonny a hell of a lot longer than I have, and you know Sonny sees women only two ways: whores and angels. And you’ve spent your entire relationship trying to climb out of one category into another.
Carly? I am slow clapping you right now, babe.
The only one loving all this even more than Brenda was AJ, whose undisguised glee at the thought of Carly losing her mind rivaled pretty all of the viewing audience’s, I’m sure:
MICHEAL: I am glad that you’re amused.
AJ: Oh no, no, no… this goes beyond amused. I mean think about this: here’s Brenda. She’s this gorgeous model who Jax and Sonny love way more than they ever loved Carly. And Cary walks in and finds you in bed with Brenda? I mean, her head must have exploded! Gah, I wish I was there!
MICHEAL: I was there! It wasn’t a good time.
AJ: You’re right. I’m sorry, I mean, she is your mother. It must have been… awkward.
I don’t think a transcription can possibly do Sean Kanan’s line reading justice there, but trust me: it was beautiful. As was his actual attempt at being a good father by showing concern for Michael’s drinking. Oh, AJ. Never leave us again.
But back to Stavros! Even if the Endgame story ended up sucking beyond the telling of it, I’ve always enjoyed Robert Kelker-Kelly’s Stavros. He’s got just that right mixture of arrogance, cultured menace, and complete insanity. But there are also those moments — only when Laura’s involved — when you can see some longing and vulnerability as well.
I don’t know that I could handle him sticking around for the long term, but in a short visit? He packs a hell of a punch. Especially with mommy dearest on ice — literally! — for the time being. (Also, who else really, really hopes we get to see some flashbacks to Helena and Dr. Obrecht palling it up in Switzerland?)
Meanwhile, Sonny — despite having a conversation in which he reminded the mother of his child, in an attempt to comfort her, about that time her shot their son point blank in the chest — was still 95% more likeable than he has been for most of the last decade. Plus his reaction to hearing about Stavros was just GOLD:
SONNY: What is it with these people? Why can’t they just die?
Well, Sonny, I’ll let one of your other babymammas field that one:
ALEXIS: Well they’re wrong. Because a nuclear bomb couldn’t take that woman out. She’s too evil to die. No. No, no, no, no, no, no. There’s got to be a decoy, something wrong here, no. Trust me. She always comes back.
Have I mentioned how much I love Alexis when she’s in Cassadine mode? BECAUSE I LOVE IT A LOT, YOU GUYS.
And as if all that excitement wasn’t enough, we got confirmation that Laura, Scotty, and Lucy (LUCY!) are all sticking around, Bobbie may be going but will definitely be back, and there’s still room for Frisco and even Blackie to make another appearance?
I’m a little in soap heaven right now, is all I’m saying.