This week in Port Charles: a epidemic of shirtlessness swept through the town, fresh on the heels of a nasty bout of foot-in-mouth disease that, sadly, both AJ and Dante managed to contract.
Let’s start with AJ, because both Elizabeth and I had pretty much the same reaction to his rather spectacular bit of FAIL during their fight over Nikolas:
ELIZABETH: I guess ultimately, it doesn’t matter whether you trust Nikolas or not, but do you trust me? What? You think I can’t control myself around him?
AJ: You did sleep with him behind Lucky’s back.
Yeah. Pretty sure there was a collective gasp of OH NO HE DIDN’T from the viewing audience at that point. I’m proud of Liz for letting him know how unacceptable that was in no uncertain terms, because good for you, girl. And also, every good soap couple needs some obstacles to overcome, so it’s nice to see that both of their pasts are now creating roadblocks. But man, that was painful.
Dante, at least, has more of an excuse than AJ for his descent into stupd. I mean, seeing as he was dealing with the stress of his wife’s kidnapping, followed by finding her a frozen, brainwashed Lulu-cicle who no longer remembered their life together and all. But daaaaaaaamn, son. Take it down a notch. (Or, you know… ten. Take it down about ten notches, Dante.)
IF ONLY HE’D CAUGHT THE SHIRTLESS FEVER
EARLIER, SHE WOULDN’T HAVE RUN AWAY.
Dante is, in fact, so far down the rabbit hole of insanity over losing Lulu for a second time that he actually referred to Max and Milo as “discreet and effective” at their jobs. NO, REALLY. HE SAID THAT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE. So clearly, he could use some talking down from the ledge.
(Gee, if only there was another family in town who had any experience dealing with an amnesiac loved one who resented their overbearing attention and could possibly offer some guidance at this critical time?)
Also, can we talk about NuLu for a moment? Julie Marie Berman was always going to be a hard act to follow, but I think Emme Rylan is stepping in nicely so far. It remains to be seen whether or not she’ll spark with Dante in the same way, but the decision to give her amnesia and allow them to essentially reboot their entire relationship is a clever way for the actors to hopefully find their own rhythm together.
In any case, I enjoyed seeing more of ER’s Lulu when she wasn’t in complete trauma freak out mode this week. There were some nice hints of a wry sense of humor in the scenes with Milo, and then some genuine humanity when worrying about having lost the Dante’s ring, even if she still hiding from the man himself.
(Milo, by the way, is either squatting in an IKEA catalog or Sonny has been paying him and Max an awful lot all these years to prevent exactly none of the horrible things that have ever happened to everyone he loves. I’m… just going to assume it’s the former? Frankly, that would require less of a suspension of disbelief.)
Meanwhile, after several days of moping and pep talks, Sabrina pulled on her extra big girl panties and worked up the courage to ask the man who is already her boyfriend out on a date.
… and then showed up at the restaurant several hours ahead of time along with her life coach/personal cheerleader to–actually, I have no idea what they were doing there. Just making sure the owner of the hotel understood the full importance of the evening? I’m surprised a national holiday wasn’t declared, honestly.
SABRINA: I can’t believe this is actually happening!
(Girl, you read my mind. Wait — you were talking about the way everyone in town is treating your dinner date like it’s a royal wedding, right? RIGHT?)
“Our little girl, Felix. They grow up so fast!”
By the way, Felix’s over-investment in his bestie’s love life is quickly moving past sweet, through weird, and straight into actively sad territory. Can someone get this poor boy a romance of his own? Or at least a Netflix subscription? Because he clearly has WAY too much time on his hands at the moment. Not to mention a fetish for dressing Sabrina in only shades of pink that really needs to be stopped.
At this rate, I’m half-expecting a town parade when she finally gets to second base. Followed by Felix and Carly sitting her down with some charts and diagrams to explain what second base actually is. (And also, where babies come from.)