Five Things About Revenge: “Identity”

1. Well, after all the build up, it took Ems and Nolan about what — a day? — to finally unmask the Falcon. Kind of anti-climactic. But it’s okay, because Nolan really needed the win, and also the Falcon is a hot, surly lady hacker and I kind of love her?

Falcon

SERIOUSLY, CAN SHE PLEASE
BECOME A RECURRING NEMESIS/ALLY?

Emily’s unconditional support for Nolan continues to bring me joy. Letting him cross the Falcon’s picture off at the end? The Emily Thorne version of a Valentine. They’re the cutest, for real.

Nolan and Ems triumphant

2. Hey, Aiden finally pulled that big ol’ stick out of his ass regarding Emily and Daniel! And all it took was a surprise visit from his revenge sensei, who doesn’t seem happy with their progress.

Speaking of which, I love a good mystical Asian stereotype as much as the next gal (hint: NOT A LOT) but could we maybe find out a little bit more about what the hell Takeda’s whole deal is at some point? Things we know about him: he’s Japanese. He’s filthy rich. And he’s apparently willing to devote years of his life to tutoring stray white kids on the art of the revenge. Like… that’s weird, okay? And delightfully so! Except for the part where the writers clearly feel like the first point is the only explanation needed for the last one.

(Don’t all inscrutable Japanese business men run secret revenge camps? I mean, just assumed.)

Takeda

Do better, show. Please?

3. It’s kind of hard for me to believe Conrad is this evil mastermind of evil when he’s stupid enough to do something like force a surprise interview on Victoria on live tv and then blurt out the abortion bomb without even listening to the full question. I mean, come on now. This isn’t amateur hour.

However, the prospect of Nolan looking for baby boy Harper with Victoria’s full cooperation is so delicious, I can hardly stand it.

4. I am so sick of Jack’s pissy, holier than thou attitude. “Oh, boo hoo, my wife died! Guess that means I’ll just be an asshole to all my friends!” (Too harsh? Whatever. You know if Fauxmanda were here, she would not be putting up with his whiny temper tantrums). And Ashley’s a double (or triple?) agent? COLOR ME SHOCKED.

5. Meanwhile, Declan and Charlotte faced sudden and stupid relationship problems when Zzzzzzzzz… Nope. Still just don’t care about Declan or Charlotte in the slightest.

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3 thoughts on “Five Things About Revenge: “Identity”

  1. Declan and Charlotte’s storylines are more fun if you just keep shouting “Shut up, Declan” and “Shut up, Charlotte” at the television while they are talking. “Revenge” was my go-to potboiler last season but it’s letting me down this season bigtime. I’m hoping next season can recapture the the deliciously wicked beats of the first year.

  2. Not only is the Declan/Charlotte problems boring, Charlotte’s whole “I’m gonna blow him off and hang out with this b who I decked” MAKES ZERO SENSE AND CAME OUT OF NOWHERE.

    Nolan and Ems forever! She has actually impressed with how supportive she’s been.

    Also, I cannot BELIEVE Nolan’s amazing red shoes did not make it into the top 5.

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