You guys! You guys. YOU. GUYS. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but this episode (which I dreaded with the firey passion of a thousand suns) was actually… good? Enjoyable? Not eye-gougingly obnoxious? When I’m wrong, I say I’m wrong. And, well… I didn’t want to stab myself with a fork repeatedly through the entire episode, so… progress?
Previously on Vampire Diaries: Elena hilariously went to the prom. It didn’t help. Klaus told Hayley he thought her wolf family was in New Orleans. And by sheer coinkydink Katherine told Klaus there was a witch in New Orleans plotting against him.
Elena is hanging out in the dungeon, starving, and the Salvatores are upstairs bitching about how she isn’t bending to their will yet. God, I hate them both so much now. It just pisses me off, you know? Why does the show want me to hate them so effing much?
The boys are trying to figure out how to fight off their boredom while they wait for Elena to become hungry enough to cave to their torture (charming!). Luckily, Katherine shows up for some entertainment! They are shocked that Katherine would show her face since Klaus has it in for her, but K thinks it doesn’t matter because Klaus left town. She says that Hayley is going to get Klaus out of their lives for good (foreshadowing!). Also, this is one of only two times we see the Salvatore brothers this episode and I have to admit, it is so effing awesome. Goodbye, boys. We will continue our hate/hate relationship next week!
Hayley’s in New Orleans! And she’s with the Jane-Anne that Katherine was talking about, who reveals that she knows Hayley is a werewolf and sends her off to find some of her kind — while taking a piece of her hair in the process. As Hayley is driving, we cut between Jane-Anne and her sister, Sophie, who are doing some witch craft. Hayley stops in her car and the spell puts her map on fire. The spell appears to be trying to annoy Hayley to death. That is, until a group of witches show up and she passes out. I guess it was a success?
Klaus shows up in New Orleans too, but Rebekah and Elijah are still in Mystic Falls talking about what Klaus is doing. They set the stage by mentioning that the witches in the French Quarter are likely trying to kill him. Speaking of, we see Klaus sitting down with one of those said witches, who is none too keen to speak with him. She knows he’s a hybrid and doesn’t want any of that.
Elijah declares that he is going to find out who is trying to go up against Klaus and he might help them or stop them depending on his mood. Words can’t describe how delightful Daniel Gillies’ delivery of this line is. I heart him so much, you guys.
Klaus is still trying to weasel info out of the poor witch he’s cornered. She reveals she can’t talk about magic because “Marcel” has rules that the witches have to follow. So of course, Klaus wants to find Marcel. Cut to a club where apparently the big bad Marcel enjoys performing some karaoke. That is an interesting choice. I guess they want us to know that he can bring the fun too? I have no idea.
After some fake posturing between the two, Klaus and Marcel embrace — because not only do they know one another, but Klaus is Marcel’s sire. They catch up as old friends do. When Klaus mentions he’s looking for Jane-Anne Deveraux, Marcel gleefully agrees to help.
Which is helpful, because it turns out Marcel has a whole mob of vampires excited to bring Jane-Anne to him. He makes a show of proclaiming that she has used witchcraft, which is against his laws. I find Marcel extremely entertaining to watch. The actor is really compelling. A+ for casting on this one. Jane-Anne doesn’t agree and tells Marcel where he can go. So… he slits her throat.
Klaus has a fit that Marcel killed Jane-Anne before he could talk to her. Marcel claims he just got caught up in the moment and promises he can still get answer for Klaus. But Klaus suddenly has a change of heart, acting like it doesn’t matter anymore. Except he then asks one of Marcel’s lackeys if he knows of any more Deveraux witches. Liar, liar, Klaus!
When he tracks down Jane-Anne’s sister, Sophie, she’s clams up, pointing out Marcel’s guys are following him. After she takes off, she is immediately harassed by said Marcel lackeys. But Elijah awesomely shows up and awesomely kills the lackeys and then awesomely asks Sophie what she wants with Klaus. Awesome.
Klaus finds Marcel again, pissed that he’s been keeping tabs on him. After a usual Klaus meltdown, Marcel tries to stop his temper tantrum. Marcel gives a speech about how powerful he is. He implies he has some way to keep control of the magic in New Orleans and he says vampires run New Orleans because he compels the people to not pay attention to what the vampires do. Oh and to top it all off, he chews vervain like it is tobacco because he is bad ass.
In another seemingly pointless attempt to introduce this character, the blonde bartender, who we saw briefly earlier, is walking down the street. Marcel says he will kill her if she is stupid and let her live if she is brave. When he shows up in the alley, she claims to knows karate. I have a feeling that means she is brave, but man, it sounds stupid to me.
Thankfully, Elijah drops by to distract Klaus from this little show. He takes him to Sophie, who says that Marcel is out of control and needs to be stopped. Klaus finds all of this tedious and rambles on about how important his time is. But then Hayley shows up, asking him to listen. He laughs about how she was just a one night stand… until Sophie reveals that Hayley is pregnant with his child. OH SNAP!
I love unnatural pregnancies in theory. In practice, it is really hard to have main characters juggle an infant, because they are a life suck of epic proportions. Just sayin’. Anyway, I’m interested to see how they will have them deal with this if and when an actual baby is born. Klaus, of course, takes this information with his usual grace and dignity, immediately accusing Hayley of having slept with someone else.
Sophie threatens Hayley’s life unless he helps them stop Marcel. Hayley is hilariously surprised by this. Klaus reacts as expected and spins out of control, frothing at the mouth because they are trying to control him. He tells them to kill both Hayley and the baby and storms off.
Elijah, of course, is way into this. He follows Klaus, arguing that a baby is a second chance at a family. Klaus, of course, continues to stomp his feet and threaten all the witches. Elijah rightly points out that the only other thing Klaus has to look forward to is going back to Mystical Falls to play the villain some more. (No, please God, no! I can’t take anymore of that tedium!) He asks if it is really that important for people to fear him and declares his loyalty to Klaus, despite the fact that his brother clearly doesn’t deserve it. Not surprisingly, Klaus says no and stomps off.
Elijah calls Rebekah to update her. Rebekah reminds him that their brother pretty much always hurts them, but Elijah isn’t ready to give up. Katherine shows up at wherever Rebekah is to give a speech about how Elijah won’t give up on his brother and how she and Klaus are motivated by loneliness. I buy this more with Katherine, but Klaus’ behavior makes it difficult to believe that he actually wants anyone around him.
Klaus goes back to Marcel’s club to ask about the witches again, which leads to a much more explicit pissing contest. I kind of love how Marcel makes Klaus so jealous that he looks like his brain is literally going to explode. Marcel makes a speech about how great New Orleans is now that he’s in charge, going from jovial to menacing in an instant. It is pretty damned entertaining. And Klaus reacts as you would expect, by gloating that he’s immortal and biting one of Marcel’s minions.
Klaus wanders out on the street and sees the random blonde bartender girl, whose name is Cami, watching a street artist paint. They have a conversation about artists and what they feel. She gives this incredibly cheesy speech about “the artist” who is angry, alone, has great demons and blah, blah, blah. Essentially it is a big megaphone shouting “Klaus is tormented, you guys! This is why he is such an asshat!” Except, all the while, Joseph Morgan is completely selling this.
He’s got tears in his eyes and blinks them away in this vulnerable, endearing manner and I just want to give him hugs and cookies. Damn it, JM! This has got to be why Klaus has been eating my show for so long! I don’t think I really noticed before because I hated Klaus beyond all reason, but Joseph Morgan is very compelling. If only we could get more of this torn, brooding Klaus and less of the temper-tantrumy Klaus. Pretty please?
Anyway, this whole scene is apparently revealing too much of Klaus’ soft underbelly because as soon as Cami turns back to him, he is gone.
He wanders to a bench and finds Elijah waiting for him. They moon about how their family has rarely been happy. Klaus says he wants to stay in New Orleans because he wants to take what Marcel has and he wants his child. Ugh. Still all about Klaus, I see? I really hope they continue to try to soften him. I am fine with his fatal flaw staying the same, but he is going to have to tone down the tantrums a bit for me to be able to tolerate him as the lead character.
Elijah and Sophie are together plotting their next move against Marcel. Is it me, or do these two characters look pretty together? WHAT? I just want Elijah to make out with someone every episode.
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?
NO, I DON’T THINK SO.
Anyway, Sophie wants Klaus to get himself in good with Marcel’s inner circle so they’ll trust him again. Klaus is apparently going to do this by going back to Marcel and healing his minion of the werewolf bite he inflicted on him. Bygones! Marcel appears to accept this apology and welcomes him with open arms.
After, Klaus watches the people on the street and leaves a voice mail for Caroline, referencing one of their first conversations about her wanting to see the world and him wanting to show it to her. Damn it! Now I’m having feels about Klaus and Caroline even when they aren’t together. This is unsettling.
Back in Mystic Falls, Elijah is trying to convince Rebekah to come with him to New Orleans. She is upset that he expects her to give up her life and her search for the cure. Elijah has finally had enough of this bullshit and tells her the cure would pretty much only get her more high school proms. OH MY GOD, I LOVE YOU, SNARKY ELIJAH. WE ARE SOUL MATES. Rebekah isn’t as excited about his biting wit. Elijah tells Rebekah she can have both a child and family if he comes with her, but she turns him down.
Right on cue, Katherine shows up to support Rebekah’s impulse not to help Klaus. She proposes that she and Elijah take off together and start a life of their own. Elijah leans in to kiss her, but it is all just a tease. He instead kisses her forehead and says goodbye. Damn it!
Back at the plot I would not piss on if it was on fire, Damon is talking to Elena about how hungry she is. He says he does care that she is starving and gives her a blood bag. She starts drinking ferociously, but suddenly starts to gag because there is vervain in the blood. Damon throws out a not-so-veiled threat that things will continues to get worse. Elena basically calls them out on their game of chicken and says that they’ll just have to see who breaks first. Well, this is going to be just wonderful.
Next time: The boys show their love by burning Elena alive. I’ll… just be sure there aren’t any forks in my vicinity during this one.