There comes a time, gentle readers, when a character will say everything that you’ve been screaming for years, with only your cats to hear. And it will be magical.
For me, that time was yesterday:
SHAWN: Alexis look, don’t you see? This changes everything!
ALEXIS: Except it doesn’t! Don’t get me wrong. For the sake of your conscience, I’ve relieved that you’re not responsible. But whether or not you actually shot Olivia doesn’t change the fact that you tried to kill someone. And it wasn’t out of passion, it wasn’t because you were in fear for your life, it wasn’t even a personal vendetta. It was because it was a job. A job! You were doing it because someone else asked you to. And if you think you can dress that up anyway you want, you can’t.
I mean, right? This “I’m innocent because I only intended to kill someone” crap is the same line of bull this show has been feeding us for a decade and finally, FINALLY somebody laid a little logic down in response. And that’s not all Ms. Davis and her fabulous rack had to say:
SHAWN: So it’s that cut and dry with you? You’d end our relationship over my job?
ALEXIS: Don’t say it like you run the local diner–
SHAWN: [condescendingly] I do, Alexis.
ALEXIS: Among other things! Things like KILLING PEOPLE FOR MONEY!
THAT WAS SO GOOD FOR ME, Y’ALL.
(I didn’t think people were actually allowed to say that in Port Charles! Aren’t they required by law to use a cutesy euphemism like “enforcer” or “makes problems disappear” or “takes them for a little ride to the Pine Barrens”?)
Also, this is a thing that happened, and it was also beautiful:
AJ: You and I have definitely got to stop discussing our sex lives while drinking water.
Or, you know… you could just stop discussing your sex lives at all? Because it’s weird and inappropriate? (J/K DON’T EVER STOP, I LOVE YOUR WEIRD AND INAPPROPRIATE RELATIONSHIP.)
Case in point:
MICHAEL: [clearly trying to be mature about his parents hate-banging] So you guys can’t stand each other, yet you sleep with each other?
AJ: Uh, at least she’s not my first cousin. [to himself, as Michael walks away in disgust] Too soon?
Also, AJ basically said Michael was his only friend, which is both 1) accurate, and 2) sad, with a side of sweet yet pathetic. Basically I was having feels all over the place yesterday.