Holy crap! The stars have aligned! All those continuous sacrifices to the soap gods have finally paid off! Kimberly McCullough is coming back! For real this time — with a contract and everything! (I think the subject of the email my erstwhile co-blogger sent me speaks rather eloquently to both of our reactions: “EEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”)
I’m sure there was no way to keep news like this under wraps, but I kind of wish they could have. Because that moment when she comes on screen again and it’s clear it’s not just a drive-by visit would have been amazing. On the other hand: ROBIN, ROBIN, OMG ROBIN! So, there’s that. (Is it wrong that I kind of can’t wait to see the look on Sabrina’s face? OH WELL.)
And really, we could all probably use some good news after sitting through this:
ELIZABETH: What did you just say?
AJ: Come on. Come on, you told me the whole reason this place is called the Floating Rib is because of you.
ELIZABETH: Don’t. Don’t say these things.
AJ: Yeah, yeah, Luke couldn’t stand to see the name of the kid he killed flashing in neon. Ex father-in-law had a few too many and mowed little Jake down.
ELIZABETH: Stop. Please stop.
AJ: We-we both know the truth, don’t we? You know what you tell me late at night? And none of this would have happened if you were watching your son.
OH. MY. GOD.
Most. Deserved. Slap. Ever. (And Liz’s parting line? Perfection! This was a really good day for my girl, I have to say. Even if it wasn’t a pleasant one. Team Liz forever!)
Okay, but here’s the thing: that was clearly terrible to watch. It was well acted, though, and you know what? It was in character. This is what AJ does. This is what alcoholics do. They lash out at the people who love them most. The people who know them best, who they know best. And they use that love and that knowledge to drive away those who have the best shot at getting between them and their next drink.
I hate watching AJ spiral out of control because I’ve been rooting for him all this time. And I hate watching him hurt Liz because not only doesn’t she deserve it, but that was pretty much the most brutal, painful breach of trust possible. But I can accept it because it’s an action that makes emotional sense to me. What doesn’t make sense?
AVA: For what it’s worth, I’m very sorry.
AJ: Sorry? Sorry doesn’t help for me! Don’t you get it? After all this time, I thought I could finally make things different. You know? That I was finally going to get a chance to prove myself! To be the father that Carly never let me be. And I was doing it, too. I was working side by side with Michael, we were getting closer, and that was all because of ELQ. And then now it just went to hell because of Connie Falconeri. She destroyed my life!
No, really. He really said that, with a straight face, to the ACTUAL WOMAN responsible for the problems he’s having. The one who was, in fact, colluding with Tracy, and who not only lied about Kiki in the first place, but also supplied the deciding shares. But who cares about that, right? (I just–I can’t– WHY? Why is this being done so badly?)
If Connie had forged that birth certificate because she maliciously had it out for AJ, that would be one thing. If she and he had ever spoken two words before — if they had any sort of relationship where he might reasonably consider this some sort of personal betrayal? Sure. Maybe then I could buy this ludicrous fixation. But no. And in any other story where the writers weren’t desperately dropping anvils to facilitate an upcoming actor exit, Connie would be a non-entity in this story.
(And that’s not even getting into some of the other logic holes — like why hasn’t AJ even tried to talk Franco into taking his proxy back and voting in AJ’s favor for the pure pleasure of screwing Ava over? It’s not like he doesn’t have motive now!)
Meanwhile, the other woman ACTUALLY RESPONSIBLE — you know, the one who literally has it out for him and considers herself his arch-nemesis? — had some words of wisdom for AJ’s favorite scapegoat:
TRACY: Are you telling me that Sonny dumped you because you wrote this article?
CONNIE: Not quite. Not yet, at least.
TRACY: Why don’t you just tell, you should just tell him that you made a very practical business decision. And if he’s still complaining, tell him that at least no one buried in the Pine Barrens.
CONNIE: I don’t see Sonny being swayed by that argument.
TRACY: You shouldn’t be trying to sway Sonny! Sonny should be groveling at your feet!
Amen, Trace. (Have I mentioned I love their friendship? Oh, I have? I REALLY LOVE IT, YOU GUYS.)
Words can honestly not express how uninterested I am in watching any women, much less two who should really know better by now, tear themselves to pieces fighting over the prime specimen that is Sonny Corinthos. LADIES, FOR SERIOUS. THREE MEMBERS OF YOUR IMMEDIATE FAMILY, INCLUDING BOTH OF YOU, HAVE BEEN SHOT A COLLECTIVE FOUR TIMES BECAUSE OF THIS DOUCHE. Like, how is this even an issue? For God’s sake, just go buy some ice cream and a vibrator and move on with your lives!
Speaking of which, I will not deny that Luke and Sonny’s friendship still fills me with nostalgic 90s feels, but really…
LUKE: Keep an eye on Lulu and the baby. Just watch out for my family, will you?
SONNY: You have my word I will protect Lulu and our grandchild with my life. As long as I run this town, no harm will be done.