Maybe it says something about me that I was 100% more entertained by the last two days of Ava kicking dead bodies and playing mind games with off-his-meds Sonny than I was by all the previous endless weeks of gazing at Silas with tortured doe eyes.
Or maybe it just says something about Maura West’s strengths. (Hint: those strengths aren’t dropping cryptic hints about a tragic past that she refuses to explain.) In any case: give me evil Ava any day, because she’s kind of awesome. And give me Silas out from under her drama, because then he busts out looks like this and I forget for a second to be sad we’re never getting John McBain back:
Sam’s nonplussed but cautiously pleased reaction to the thought of a normal date? Kind of adorable. See also: her attempts to butt into her mother’s love life:
ALEXIS: I don’t really see a future between me and Shawn.
SAM: Come on, that means you are free to get back on the horse again.
ALEXIS: What horse?
SAM: What do you mean, what horse? Grab Derek and saddle up, mom!
ALEXIS: I don’t even know how to respond to that.
SAM: What do you mean? You grab him and you get him and you gallop–
All those years in the mid-2000s I spent lamenting the lack of attention paid to Alexis and Sam’s relationship and THIS is the kind of stuff we were missing? Well, hell. I feel extra cheated now. (Damn you, Guza!)
It seems ridiculously implausible that Julian could have spent this many years plotting to take Sonny down and not already be familiar with all the major players in his life and organization, like, you know… his attorney and also one time baby mama. But I kind of don’t care? Because the scenes where Alexis confessed the story of Kristina’s parentage were pretty much gold for me.
And I suppose I should feel alarmed that we just witnessed him flat out murdering a man, but let’s be honest: that guy sucked. And cold-blooded murder has certainly never stopped this show from presenting someone as rootable before.
And seriously — hating Sonny? Not exactly a sign of bad taste in my book. Especially with the man in question off his meds, which really just means he’s exactly as prone to violent hissy fits and being an self-centered asshole to everyone who loves him as usual. Only now he sometimes also has moments of clarity about terrible things he’s done:
SONNY: I remember when I hired Jason — he walked out of the Quartermaines and he needed a job, so I hired him as a runner and I–I thought I could protect him. Especially from the dangers. It didn’t work out that way.
CARLY: You told him the risks of the job and you let him choose, and you trusted him with the consequences.
SONNY: He was brain damaged! He didn’t know how to choose!
(Um, yeah. Sorry, y’all. But I am Team Jeromes, all the way.)
Speaking of Quartermaines, Monica’s back! Which is great not just because she doesn’t let AJ get away with any of his crap, and not just because she immediately kicked all the remaining freeloaders out of her damn house (although as a friend pointed out, why Kiki and Morgan were so eager to spend winter in an unheated boathouse in upstate New York in the first place is kind of a mystery).
But mostly, Monica coming home is awesome because it means she and Tracy get to have scenes like this one:
MONICA: Oh, come on, Tracy. It’s no secret you detest me.
TRACY: And the feeling’s mutual. But we’re family. And push comes to shove, family shoves back for each other.
And then I get to sniffle pathetically on the couch, because messed up Quartermaine love is still the best, you guys.
Would that Franco were more interested in learning about his long lost family than in boning Carly, because I would be SO MUCH more interested in a Franco who was humbly working to get to know Monica and Tracy than the one who just walked back into the mansion like he owned the place. How about use this tumor revelation to have him come as a penitent asking for stories about Alan and Edward and Lila? Or Jason before the accident? How about actually mining that Quartermaine connection, since it seems we’re stuck with it now, no matter what?
(No? He’s just going to be flippant, arrogant, wise-cracking Todd 2.0 instead? Well, okay then.)
The one good thing I can say about Franco this week is that he provided an excuse for the wonder that is Heather Webber to pop back into all our lives, and that is always a beautiful thing:
TODD: How did you get here?
HEATHER: Let’s just say I’ve devised an elaborate system that is foolproof for coming and going from such places. I’ve been doing it for years, since the early 80s.
TODD: Correct me if I’m wrong, but that system was built for the express purpose of killing someone.
HEATHER: Well, it could be used on other occasions. Birthdays, Bar Mitzvahs… Comic Con.
I’ve decided that Heather/BLTs is my one true pairing on this show. Robin Mattson: you complete me.